Almost a new beginning

Yes, it is almost happening. Teen A starts classes tomorrow; Teen B moves into his dorm on Tuesday. I've been having some trouble sleeping, and when I do sleep, I have crazy dreams. A few nights ago I dreamed that I was pregnant, with a little girl. Rocket Boy and I walked around the house (sort of a combination of this house and our first house in Ridgecrest), making note of all the baby things we had conveniently saved, like a rocking horse (we never actually had a rocking horse), clothes (we have a lot of baby clothes stowed away for absolutely no reason), and so many toys. I patted my fat belly -- I could feel her head, she was that close to being ready to come out. We were a little worried, but basically happy about becoming parents to a third child, just as the first two are leaving the nest. 

My parents did this -- had a baby girl just as their oldest was going off to college. Jenny probably left home in early September and Nancy was born at the end of October. But my parents weren't in their 60s/70s.

I suppose the baby girl might represent me, the new me who can now emerge, now that my baby birds are fledging. Or it might be a dream about not wanting to relinquish the joys of motherhood. Why not have another baby? I'm only 66. Sigh. I told Rocket Boy this dream and he said, "Would you have liked to have had a third child?" and I said yes, oh yes, but it was obviously impossible, even back then. I was so lucky to be able to have our two.

I also had the dissertation dream AGAIN this week, second time in less than a month, I think. This was a quick one, no complicated worries about who would chair my committee now that John has died, etc., although I was a little concerned that Jeff would be in Africa and unable to participate (the fact that the other two committee members have retired was not mentioned). In the dream I actually had most of the dissertation written, maybe just needed to write one more chapter, but I knew I was too late, there was no way they could possibly accept it at this point (30 years later!). So I figured I'd just write something quickly, send it off, wait for them to turn it down, and then write the whole thing off, stop worrying about it.

I was telling Rocket Boy this dream, and he said, "So then what happened?" And I said, "Oh, nothing. The dream always ends with me making some sort of decision about what to do next." And then I thought about that. Why is that? What does that mean? I'm not sure.

***

We're pretty much ready for Teen B's move-in on Tuesday. That is, we have to pack up, but we're pretty much done with shopping. We could still buy a little electric fan -- we looked at fans at McGuckin's on Friday, but didn't buy one. But I think we've pretty much got everything else. We chose a desk lamp at McGuckin's, and found bulbs for it. We also got a power strip (Rocket Boy said, "Why did you get a power strip? I have so many!") and a pair of scissors, because scissors are so useful. (Teen B said, "Why scissors?" and then, "I don't like those scissors," and then, "I'm going to steal the purple scissors from the kitchen and bring them with me!" Everyone loves the purple scissors.)

We went to Target yesterday to buy him an electric shaver, and while we were there I tried to buy him a bathrobe, but nuh-uh, he wasn't having any of that. "If you put that in the cart I'm leaving," he said, so we didn't buy a bathrobe. It's fine, he'll figure something else out.

We gave up on the idea of a new laptop. He wanted a small, thin laptop that wouldn't overheat when he played games on it and wouldn't have an annoyingly loud fan noise, and it turned out that there is really no such thing. I even posted a question about it on the autistic adults subreddit, got over 50 responses, and everyone agreed, such a laptop does not exist. So he's just going to use his old high school Chromebook to start with, and then see what other people have, what his major will require (once he chooses a major). 

*** 

Teen A went to his orientation on Friday -- I was sure he'd oversleep and miss it, but he was good, asked Rocket Boy to wake him up at 7:00 and left in plenty of time. He didn't have to stay for the whole thing because as it turns out, he has chosen the air traffic control concentration, not the pilot concentration. So he's not going to learn to fly, at least not for a career. I think this is a good choice, though I wonder why it took so long for him to tell us. He definitely likes to keep his own counsel.

I went with him to get his hair cut on Saturday, and when we got home, I asked him (not expecting an answer) when his girlfriend is moving into her dorm at CSU. He said, well, there's a problem with that. It turns out that for some reason having to do with her "not very nice" father, she's going to go to Front Range Community College instead, and then transfer after a year or two. I'm sorry for her -- maybe it's a financial thing -- but it means that she and Teen A probably won't break up right away. Interesting.

Teen A has two online courses this term, which he has been puzzled about. "Mom, when do I find out about the online courses?" he asked me today. "Well, have you gotten any emails from your instructors?" I asked. Of course, he didn't know. I looked at his email and sure enough, here's all the information. I told Teen A he needs to schedule time each week to do the work for these classes, like 1-3 pm every Monday and Wednesday for a start and then see if he needs more time than that to complete the work. 

I TOLD the boys, I'm not going to be so involved with their college classes as I was with high school, they need to do the work THEMSELVES. Not getting off to a good start. 

***

I decided that I didn't want to cook any regular meals this week, just make things with peaches. The family thought this was weird, but I ignored them. 

Monday was Rocket Boy's and my 24th anniversary, but Monday is kind of a strange time to go out to a fancy dinner and it's been so hot, etc., So I bought salmon and lettuce, and when he got home he fixed rice and salad and sauteed the salmon. But I was feeling nauseous, so I didn't eat any of it. I had planned that we could go out for ice cream afterwards, but it was too late. We did have nice cards for each other. RB's card was meant for someone else to give to us (it read, "You two are so good together..."), but I just crossed off the "You" and wrote in "We" and then it was fine. My card referenced our endless dinner issues.

On Tuesday it was still horribly hot, so we just had leftovers, and again I didn't have anything. You'd think I'd be really skinny, all the meals I don't eat when I'm hot and nauseated, but somehow it doesn't work that way.

Wednesday it finally started to cool down, so I made "Easy Buttermilk Peach Cobbler" from the NY Times cooking section, and it made a delicious dinner. We had some old whipping cream in the fridge (unwhipped) and I was a little suspicious of it, but I whipped it and added a little sugar and it tasted fine with the cobbler. 

Thursday it was cooler yet, and I made "Cardamom Dutch Baby With Caramelized Peaches." We had some aging raspberries in the fridge, so I threw those in too, which maybe wasn't a good idea, but overall the recipe turned out pretty well. Rocket Boy had gone swimming, so he was quite late, and by the time he got home, Teen B had eaten more than half of the Baby and almost finished the cream (I had a little and Teen A wasn't home).

On Friday I relented and made Brenda's Sticky Tofu (the kids' favorite meal), with "Peach Tea" as a special beverage. The peach tea did not turn out very well, I must say. I gave it about an hour to cool in the fridge, but it didn't get very cold, even with lots of ice cubes added. Plus it was very thick and strange. I ended up drinking most of it.

Yesterday we ate out at BJ's, and of course tonight is Forage Night, but tomorrow I am planning to make "Peach Crumble Slab Pie," with some fresh whipping cream and perhaps the last of the peaches (there are 14 left and the recipe calls for 6 pounds). 

And on Tuesday we'll be in Fort Collins. My heart skips a beat when I think of that. 

***

I figured I might as well go ahead and schedule my knee surgery, so I contacted the surgeon, and his assistant said, "How about the 27th?" So, a little over a week after we drop off Teen B, I'll go under the knife. I am NOT looking forward to this, but might as well get it over with. Once that's fixed, it will be easier to get on with my new life. I think. 

I signed up to help serve food at our neighborhood Pancake Breakfast on September 12th. That might have been a little overly optimistic -- I might have to do it on crutches. Usually I don't volunteer to help because I have to focus on getting the rest of the family there. But this year... Teen B won't be here and Teen A will probably be busy with his girlfriend... might as well help out, right? Except for the knee problem. Well, we'll see. 

You can tell it's late summer. The hummingbirds are buzzing the feeder and the flowers almost constantly, although they probably won't start migrating until mid-September. Maybe some of them go early. When I sit on my bed with the window open, it's just buzz buzz buzz all day long. They start very early in the morning, too. I didn't sleep well last night and was awake very early -- and so were the hummingbirds. Buzz buzz. 

We also have a big orb spider making a web by the front door. We spotted her a couple of nights ago. She spins this gorgeous web every night, and then at some point early in the morning she eats it back up, so there isn't the slightest trace of it. She sits in a little corner by the door during the day. Then at night -- here she goes with the spinning again. She spins it really fast. We like these spiders. They don't come in the house! In a month or so she'll make an egg sac and then die.

I took Sillers to our regular vet on Tuesday, because trying to give her the liquid Prednisolone (prescribed by the specialist vet) was just a nightmare. The vet agreed with me and prescribed the pill form (which I can grind up and mix with her food). I already do this for Baby Kitty. So now every morning I grind up a half pill for Sillers and every evening I grind up a half pill for Baby Kitty. It is not a problem. I'm not sure she's doing any better, though. She keeps peeing on the bed, accidentally. We're now keeping a large pee pad just under the cat blanket and the blanket that we use for a summer bedspread, so if she pees, I only have to wash those two things, not tear the whole bed apart. I had to wash them twice this week. Sigh. 

Sillers is very fond of Teen B, although he doesn't like her. I wonder what she will think when he's not around anymore. 

Well, maybe I'll stop here and see if Teen B wants to go do anything today. We have one full day (after today) left to get ready. I hope I can sleep tonight. And maybe no crazy dreams?