Monday, August 31, 2020

August ends and we're surviving

Yeah, the post title has it right -- we're surviving. We're having a short respite from the hot weather, which is wonderful, but even better, we're surviving school. Four days so far, and it's not easy, but I think it's going to be OK. Maybe. Probably.

What makes school different now is that the teachers are actually holding class online, rather than recording short messages, posting assignments, etc., as they did in the spring. The boys are taking three classes this quarter, so each morning (Tuesday through Friday) they sign on to their 1st class at 9 am, their 2nd class at 10 am, and their third class at 11 am. They do this on their own -- it would be weird for a mom to be sitting behind them on the call. Also, since they have no classes together, they sit in different rooms (so they don't have to wear headphones) -- Kid A in their bedroom and Kid B in the living room, for instance. After the three classes they get a 40-minute lunch break, and then they have "advisory" for 30 minutes. I don't really know what "advisory" is. 

The rest of the afternoon is confusing. They have their three classes again, sometimes with the teacher and sometimes not. Although I'm sure each teacher told her class, each day, how the afternoon would go, the twins never seemed to know. Of course they don't take any notes during class, they just assume they'll remember what was said. Sometimes our (new, fabulous) internet fails just when the teacher is talking, sometimes their Chromebooks crash, sometimes there's some sort of difficulty on the teacher's end (microphone stops working, etc.). Sometimes the twins are using the bathroom, getting something to eat or drink, petting the cat, or simply not paying attention, when the teacher explains what they'll do in the afternoon. It's a problem, but I hope a fixable one.

On Mondays they have assignments to do on their own. Today was our first Monday and it did not go well, but I think it will get better. Right now they're spending a lot of time setting things up on their Chromebooks, and it would be easier if they were in the room with their teacher and she could come over and say, "How are you doing? Oh, see, if you just click here and drag here..." I never did understand what their social studies teacher wanted them to do today: each boy ended up doing it differently, and I have no idea which way was right, or whether it matters. 

It's fine.

So I'm calmer now than I was a week ago. I still really wish they were going back to school in person, and I hope they will be able to later in the year, but I think they WILL get something out of the school year even if it stays virtual. I worry about kindergarteners, first graders, second graders, people who don't have good internet, all of that. But we're OK.

I'm still having a lot of anxiety about everything else in our lives. The Covid death count is now at 183,450, up about 5000 from a week ago. Cases are skyrocketing in college towns, though not Boulder, not yet. Maybe it won't skyrocket here. I was doing some errands downtown on Saturday and I saw a lot of college students wearing masks, which surprised and pleased me.

On Sunday we came up with the idea of going to the cabin, and that turned out to be a wonderful plan. I hadn't been there in two years, though Rocket Boy and the twins were up there about 18 months ago, right before he moved to St. Louis. We always wonder whether it will still be standing when we go, because there's no one who would tell us if it had been broken into or if a tree fell on it. People must just know by looking at the outside that there's nothing valuable inside.

Rocket Boy always has a project to do -- this time we brought lumber strapped to the top of my car, so he could build a shelf. RB puttered around, sawing and hammering, while the twins and I hung out in the front room. They've outgrown all the beautiful old toys we have up there, so they spent the entire time playing games on their stupid iPads. I mostly read. Rocket Boy is always bringing things up to the cabin to store, books and papers and whatnot, so I looked to see whether my old costume box was up there, but I didn't find it. I suspect it was ruined in the flood and it's just something I decided to forget. Alternatively, it may be in our garage. No big deal. Either it will turn up or it won't.

Although I have a lot of trouble with my breathing at 10,500 feet, I always like to walk down to the beaver ponds and see what's up (it's the walk back up to the cabin that really gives me trouble). This time I didn't see any beavers, but I did hear dogs barking, and after a moment turned around to see two Rottweilers running towards me. Well, I thought, I may be about to die, or be mauled, but is that really likely? Even if the people next door think I'm on their property (I wasn't -- we have 10 acres), they wouldn't let their dogs harm an old lady, would they? I smiled at the dogs and they turned out to be sweethearts, licking me and rubbing their heads against me. Their names were Gunther and Althea. Althea in particular would not leave me alone, ignoring her owner who kept yelling at her to come home. So that was good, I wasn't mauled. I wanted to talk to the dogs' owner, but he disappeared back into his house. We're not sure if that house sold or if the owners' kids are living in it, or what.

We always eat at the Cutthroat Cafe in Bailey on our way to the cabin, and we were relieved to find them open, but with covid precautions, masks and all that. The menu was posted outside, and then we had to go in and order and pay at a new front desk, before getting our food, but that was fine. We were just glad they were still in business. We sat on the back patio and counted magpies and Steller's jays while we ate our sandwiches. On the way home (we left around 7 pm) it was too late to eat anywhere, but we stopped at a gas station on our way out of Fairplay and got snacks. Kid A got onion rings and Gatorade, Kid B got Takis and Vitamin water, and I got two chocolate bars and a bottle of Starbucks vanilla latte, to keep me awake on the road (I drove, my choice). Rocket Boy was very disapproving of these food choices, and crossly munched one of his dry granola bars in the car.

We were home by 9 pm, plenty of time for showers and another chapter of The Horse and His Boy by C. S. Lewis.

And then today was Monday and we had school and there were problems, but oh well. Tomorrow it's back to school taught by the teachers, not Mom. Rocket Boy plans to be with us perhaps two more weeks and then return to St. Louis. It hasn't been as good a visit as the one in May/June, but there have been lots of good times and we'll miss him so much when he goes back. I'm going to try to make these two weeks good ones.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

School jitters

School starts tomorrow, August 26th, a week later than it was supposed to. And if the current state of things in the Boulder Valley School District is any indication, it probably won't really start tomorrow either. Too many things are screwed up right now. I suspect the rest of the week will be spent trying to get things to work right and then we'll start for real next week. I'm not, however, saying this to the twins. To them I say, "School starts tomorrow! Better take showers and wash your hair tonight so you'll be beautiful for your zoom calls!" Kid A even begged for and got a haircut today, which amused me. 

It would be fair to say that I am not doing well. I'm worried about so many things, most of which I can't do anything about. I'm trying to pull back from the news stream, but it isn't possible to retreat entirely. I'm so depressed about everything that's happening, or not happening, both in my own life and in the world. There's somehow too much going on for me to be able to pull back and chill.

The heat just won't quit, and the air quality is worse and worse (due to the fires in California more so than our own Colorado fires). I feel ill thinking about the California fires. The fires in the Santa Cruz mountains are WAY too close to home. All the state parks that I grew up around are in trouble. Big Basin burned! I was a day camp counselor at Big Basin! Also my beloved girl scout camp, Skylark Ranch. I read this online, posted yesterday: 

Miraculously, it appears that our ranger’s house survived. Sadly, the tent cabins in the nearby camper unit, did not. It appears that all that is left is the twisted metal roofing. We have no idea what lies beyond this first section of our large camp.

The coronavirus, of course, rages on. As of right now there have been at least 178,008 deaths from it in the U.S. Cases in our area have been going down, which is wonderful, but now that CU has started classes -- some online, some in person -- and the students are back, living in dorms and apartments and fraternity/sorority houses, the case numbers will go up. I really want the boys to go back to school in person, but at the same time I don't want to get sick. So we watch and wait.

My grad school advisor is in the hospital right now -- he's been in intensive care for a week or so, now maybe is a little better, but he's 81 and frail. He doesn't have covid, he has an e. coli infection which has damaged his kidneys. I was urged to write him a funny/snarky email. I couldn't do it. One of my grad school friends organized a bouquet of flowers for him, and I contributed to that.

I think what really took me down -- and this is so ridiculous, but whatever -- was Schoology, the "learning management system" that the district uses. Last Friday, the kids' classes were posted on Infinite Campus, which is an online interface between the school district and parents/students. At that point we also started getting emails from some of the kids' teachers. One of Kid B's teachers sent out a cheerful email telling everyone to check out all the great stuff on her Schoology page. I tried to do that, and realized that Schoology was showing the kids as not enrolled in any courses, so we couldn't access anyone's wonderful Schoology page. OK, fine, I figured it would get fixed soon. 

The kids' schedules were a little funky, so I talked to Kid A's new "caseworker" about it. She said their schedules were all wrong, that they should have only two "solids" (math, language arts, science, social studies) each quarter, and one elective or PE, whereas the twins have three solids for the first quarter. She told me that would be changed, but later an email went out saying "this is it -- the schedules won't change." Fine, fine, we'll deal with it. But while figuring all this out, I realized that the kids' courses still weren't showing up on Schoology. I asked the caseworker about it and she urged me to call IT support. 

Several fruitless phone calls later (I was never able to get through), the caseworker got back to me and said she'd been told that the courses won't load into Schoology until the first day of school. Fine, fine, but why on earth couldn't they have told us that? At the end of the day another email went out saying that Schoology would be working in the morning. The kids are supposed to be signed in to Schoology and taking their first class at 9 am! What if Schoology isn't actually working by then?

well, if it isn't, it isn't, and we will cope.

The straw that broke the camel's back, for me, was that teacher of Kid B's with the wonderful Schoology page. She had also sent out a link to a Google form that she wanted all the parents to fill out. When I tried to fill it out, I was told I needed permission. This had already happened with two other teachers, and when I emailed them, they apologized and gave me permission. So I emailed this teacher and asked for permission. She didn't respond. Today, after the Schoology nonsense got sorted out, I emailed her again and again asked for permission. She said, 

Lots of tech glitches as we get things put together. They will smooth out! Plz ask [Kid B] to open it for you in Schoology.

And at that point my head blew up. 

As I type this, I'm listening to tonight's school board meeting, which is making me angrier and angrier and angrier. I think I need to turn it off and go make scrambled eggs for dinner, since it's after 7 pm.

We don't even have any school supplies yet, because they've never posted updated lists! I have no idea what we need. I'm hoping the kids find out tomorrow.

I need to chill out. I know that. We're in much better shape than practically anyone, anywhere. The world is falling apart around me, but my life is not falling apart. We're all in this together. Everything is going to be fine. And I need to stop worrying, and I need to stop watching the news, and I need to calm down. 

Happy first day of school, everyone (whenever yours is).

Sunday, August 16, 2020

I hate August

That's a very negative blog post title, and some years it isn't true. But this August hasn't been fun, with the hot dry weather and the virus and everything. One thing I did notice the other day -- when you're wearing a mask, you can't smell the smoky air as clearly. So, there's a plus about masks. 

I'm really tired of them, though, as is everyone else in the world. I keep having moments of dementia where I think, oh, I'll just go somewhere where you don't have to wear a mask. But where in the world (other than North Dakota, etc.) would that be?

I'm getting creeped out by the virus situation again. 169,665 dead as of this afternoon, still running around a thousand a day. Every country in the world keeps opening up, then closing down due to outbreaks. What is the endgame here? What could count as "over"?

Rocket Boy is here for another visit and we are happy to have him back. But he's not very happy with us. It's in the 90s every day, hasn't rained in weeks, every single day is either an Ozone Action Day or an Action Day for Multiple Pollutants, and the kids and I have gone into total zombie mode. We go to bed early, sleep late, and spend most of the day playing computer games. To spice things up a little, I do laundry and feed the cat. But Rocket Boy -- for whom our weather is a welcome break from the humidity of St. Louis -- wants to do projects! He wants to go hiking! And to museums! And he wants to clean things!

To all of which we say, knock yourself out. But please don't make us do it too. He does not like that attitude, and he is cross with me for not fixing the twins' attitude. Which I understand, actually. I just don't want anyone to ask me to do anything right now. So, you know, it could be a better visit, but maybe it will improve. Maybe we'll get a thunderstorm. That would help.

He arrived last Sunday, completely worn out from his hot, humid drive across Kansas. But by Monday night he was sufficiently recovered to go to Chautauqua for our 18th anniversary. We ate on the porch and it was very much like other years, except for the masks and the fact that there were no food menus. They print them out fresh each night and they had already run out by the time we arrived for our 6:45 pm reservation. So we were supposed to read a QR code with our phones to get to the menu, but my old phone refused to do this (or to go to the Chautauqua website at all) and Rocket Boy had forgotten to bring his. I really hate it when places expect and require you to have a phone.

Fortunately I had looked at the menu online before we went, so I was able to suggest that he have trout and I have salmon, and we both had soup to start and a fruity iced tea to drink. The food was better than it has been, some years, and we enjoyed watching magpies fly by. I counted 14 in all. We had cards for each other and it was a very pleasant time. Oh, and it was the one day of his visit that wasn't in the 90s! And the air was clear. The next day it went back to misery, but for our anniversary it was nice.

On Wednesday, he took the boys to Nederland to ride the Carousel of Happiness, and then they went hiking near Caribou with an old friend of his. The boys complained vigorously, both before and after the trip, but I think they actually had a good time. (A trip to a store for candy was involved.) It was probably 20 degrees cooler up there, and the air was maybe a little better. The kids said there was no one else on the carousel, and the person running it said that the only reason they were able to stay open was people coming up from Boulder. So I was glad they'd done that, and I got a few hours to myself.

RB wanted to plan an outing to a museum, so I said OK, let's do the Denver Museum of Nature and Science -- they're just itching to have people come visit. You have to make a timed reservation to enter the museum, and there were two special exhibits that I thought we might like to see, so I made reservations for both of those too. I wasn't sure how much time to allow for everything and I ended up allowing too much time for everything, but it was fine.

The day of our visit was of course an Action Day for Multiple Pollutants -- so we shouldn't have been in our gas-powered car, driving from Boulder to Denver -- but how could I have known ahead of time? Despite traffic, we arrived a few minutes before our scheduled 4 pm entrance time. As always, we went to the cafe first, and had snacks, since we were going to be at the museum through dinner time. You could only sit at a table with a green sticker on it, which meant it had been recently cleaned. As soon as we sat down, they took our green sticker away.

The museum was so empty, it made me sad, but of course it's safer that way. Our first special exhibit, The Art of the Brick (i.e., Legos), was at 5:20, so the kids and I went to Expedition Health to kill some time before it started. Once we went in, the exhibit was kind of disappointing -- you of course couldn't touch anything. We only stayed about 30 minutes, so then we had a long wait until Dogs! A Science Tail at 6:40 pm. We bought more snacks at the 2nd floor Coffee Lab and found a place to sit that wasn't as carefully monitored as the cafe downstairs (no green stickers). 

We've been reading Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell at bedtime, and elephant seals have been mentioned, so I looked at the marine mammal dioramas to see if I could find one. Rocket Boy finally found southern elephant seals in the southern hemisphere dioramas. They don't look exactly like the northern elephant seals, but close enough to give the twins a sense of how big those animals are.

Dogs! A Science Tail was more fun than the Lego exhibit, but it still didn't seem as interactive as the museum's exhibits usually are. They did have a "Jeopawdy" game that you could play with another person -- Kid B managed to beat his brother, his dad, and his mom at it (I let him win). There was also a track where you could test whether you were as fast as certain breeds of dogs. Kid A tried and tried to beat a husky, but it just wasn't happening.

On our way home we stopped for dinner at Great Scott's -- after all those weird snacks at the museum I'm not sure we needed dinner, but it rounded out the day. Great Scott's has set up an outdoor patio in the parking lot which was nicer than I expected. There was only one other group out there when we were (there were more people inside the restaurant). Every single time I eat at a restaurant, I feel bad for the owners and workers. They just can't be bringing in very much money. On a Friday night, Great Scott's should have been packed.

So the days go by. We ate out again on Saturday night, this time at Chili's (so that Rocket Boy could go to Walmart next store, but they didn't have what he wanted). Chili's was just dead. I felt so bad, I left our waitress a 22% tip. Probably should have gone up to 25%.

Today, once again, we stayed home and did very little. One project RB has been working on is cleaning the bathroom -- the one cleaning task I didn't get to before he came home. I'm sorry I didn't get to it, because if I'd just made it look OK, he wouldn't have thought it needed the deep cleaning he's giving it. But I can't complain. If he ever finishes (he's been working on it for two days), we'll have a nice clean bathroom and I won't have had to have anything to do with it

Just now, he and the twins cleaned out a section of gutter, in preparation for getting another gutter replacement quote on Monday. He did most of the work, but they kept him company and helped a little. And I'm making dinner (the oven is heating up as I type this). So we're all contributing a little today, and after dinner maybe we'll take a quick walk to the park in the horrible smoky air.

Today is the 16th, so that means we have 10 days until school starts -- entirely online. I don't know if I mentioned that. Originally they were going to go back two days a week (Phase 3), but now we've switched to Phase 1 and it's all online. They'll take three classes at a time, probably something like Language Arts, Math, and an elective, and then the second half of the semester it'll be Social Studies, Science, and another elective. Supposedly next Friday we'll find out who their teachers are and all that. It's the most uninspiring start to a school year I can imagine, but I'm still trying not to make any waves. It would be so much harder if they were in Kindergarten! Or first grade! Or their first year of middle or high school! Or their senior year! In fact, I can't imagine anything easier than 7th grade. So I'm not going to be negative about it. We'll survive (but Rocket Boy may head right back to St. Louis once it starts).

Thursday, August 13, 2020

Reading post: Home to Harlem and three other novels of the Harlem Renaissance

My next book for the Classics Challenge is Home to Harlem by Claude McKay, published in 1928. This fulfills category #8, "Classic with a Place in the Title." Home to Harlem is a novel of the Harlem Renaissance, when African Americans began an outpouring of great art (literature, music, painting, etc.) and thought. All this work was centered around Harlem, a neighborhood in New York City, beginning just after World War I, say 1918 or so, and extending through the 1920s and into the 1930s. Since the Harlem Renaissance was such an important period in Black literature, I decided to read other books of that time period as well, as discussed below. 
 
I should note that because we have reached the 1920s, for me this is no longer ancient history. My parents were both born in 1922, so they were alive when all these books came out. Did either of them, or their siblings, ever read any of them? I highly doubt it. The Lincoln, Nebraska, public library probably didn't own a copy of Home to Harlem. (As far as I can tell, it still doesn't.) And I further doubt any of my relatives had heard of the Harlem Renaissance. Still, it was happening.

Home to Harlem is such an interesting book, and very enjoyable reading, not really what I was expecting at all. Before I read it, I read a contemporary review by W. E. B. DuBois in which he criticizes McKay for catering to
that prurient demand on the part of white folk for a portrayal in Negroes of that utter licentiousness which conventional civilization holds white folk back from enjoying--if enjoyment it can be called (DuBois, 1928, "Two Novels," reprinted in The Black Novelist, ed. by Robert Hemenway, 1970).
In Home to Harlem the characters do have a lot of sex, and nobody seems to get married (or pregnant, which mystified me), but there aren't any details beyond a few kisses. For example, here is a sexual interlude between Jake, the main character, and Rose, a woman he is about to leave (because he hit her and he doesn't want to be a man who hits women, although Rose feels it makes him more attractive):
"You'll spile you' new clothes," Jake said, desperately.
     "Hell with them! I love mah daddy moh'n anything. And mah daddy loves me, don't he? Daddy!"

Rose switched on the light and looked at her watch.
     "My stars, daddy! We been honey-dreaming some! I am two hours late!"
Obviously we know what happened during that blank line, but there are no other details given.

When I started reading the book, it reminded me of Dunbar's The Sport of the Gods, due to the similarity of the setting. But Harlem is really a completely different book. Jake is not a victim like the Hamilton family in Sport. He's handsome, intelligent (though uneducated), and has a strong moral code -- which nevertheless does not prevent him from drinking heavily, sleeping around, and occasionally using what I think is cocaine. Much of the time he is also happy, despite what he has to put up with from white people. In the second chapter, after returning "home to Harlem" after service in WWI, he meets "a little brown girl" in a cabaret and is immediately smitten. He has $59, and by the end of the evening he has spent it all, because the girl (who is a prostitute), requests his last $50.
     "How much is it going to be, daddy?" she demanded.
     "How much? How much? Five?"
     "Aw no, daddy...."
     "Ten?"
     She shook her head.
     "Twenty, sweetie!" he said, gallantly.
     "Daddy," she answered, "I wants fifty."
     "Good," he agreed. He was satisfied. She was responsive. She was beautiful. He loved the curious color on her cheek.
When I read this, I was sure this was the beginning of a disaster. Jake would spend all his money, fall deep into debt, become entangled in unsavory schemes -- his life would fall apart while I watched. But that doesn't happen. In fact, the girl ends up putting the $50 back in his pocket with a love note the next morning, and he spends the rest of the book trying to find her again. That's the plot of the book, to the extent that it has one. We follow Jake as he cruises through life, looking for his lost love -- but sleeping with plenty of other women along the way, making good friends, working as a longshoreman and later as a cook on a train, and drinking drinking drinking.

Jake's appeal is part of what makes the book enjoyable. But it's also interesting from a sociological standpoint: a description of life in Harlem in the early 20s. Claude McKay was born in Jamaica and came to New York in 1912 when he was 22. He published two books of poetry that year, and then went to college. He spent time in England (1920), Russia (1922), and France (1923-1927), where he wrote this novel. Presumably the novel was set around 1918-1921 because that was the last time he lived in Harlem before writing it. (It began as a short story which he wrote in 1925.) McKay worked as a cook for a railroad, as Jake does, and probably lived many of Jake's other experiences as well. Jake befriends a waiter on the train, Ray, who has spent time in college and is perhaps supposed to represent McKay more directly. White people don't make a lot of appearances in the novel -- they're in the background, making endless trouble for Black people, but we don't often see them up close.

I enjoyed reading about Jake's life and was rooting for him at the end, when he and Felice go off to start a new life in Chicago. It's unclear whether life there will live up to their expectations, but you sense that Jake will be able to cope with quite a bit of adversity.

For my next book I went back in time to pick up Cane by Jean Toomer (1923), widely considered one of the best works to come out of the Harlem Renaissance. Since the title refers to sugar cane, I really should have chosen this for my "Classic with Nature in the Title," but I didn't think of it at the time.

Cane is not a novel, but rather a collection of short, impressionistic prose pieces, interspersed with poetry. It's divided into three sections: the first is a series of brief portraits of women in the South (Georgia), the second takes place in Washington DC and Chicago and is probably more autobiographical, and for the third we are back in Georgia for one long story that was originally intended to be a play. Everyone who reads Cane likes different sections of it, but my favorite was definitely the first, with its evocative, poetic descriptions.
She sprang up. Rushed some distance from me. Fell to her knees, and began swaying, swaying. Her body was tortured with something it could not let out. Like boiling sap it flooded arms and fingers till she shook them as if they burned her. It found her throat, and spattered inarticulately in plaintive, convulsive sounds, mingled with calls to Christ Jesus. And then she sang, brokenly. A Jewish cantor singing with a broken voice. A child's voice, uncertain, or an old man's. Dusk hid her; I could hear only her song. It seemed to me as though she were pounding her head in anguish upon the ground. I rushed to her. She fainted in my arms. (from "Fern," Part 1 of Cane)
The last section, Kabnis, seemed a bit overwrought and unconvincing, and the middle section contains a story ("Bona and Paul") which I thought could have come out of an undergraduate creative writing class (to be fair, Toomer was in his early 20s when he wrote all of Cane). But throughout the work, Toomer's writing is very beautiful -- art, rather than propaganda. We've come a long way from Clotel and Iola Leroy.

Toomer's biography is interesting. His grandfather was P. B. S. Pinchback, who among other things served as the acting governor of Louisiana for about six weeks in 1872-73, the first African-American governor ever and the last anywhere in the United States until 1990. Pinchback had at least 3/4 European ancestry, and Toomer was also mostly white. Pictures of Toomer look entirely white, but of course this was the era of the "one-drop rule" and so he was discriminated against for his African ancestry, despite its invisibility. He responded by declaring that he was neither Black nor white, but "American," a new race. After Cane, he wrote almost no more fiction.

I wondered whether Jean Toomer and Claude McKay knew each other. I think they must have, at least slightly. One article I read notes that Claude McKay wrote Jean Toomer a note of congratulations after Cane was published. So Cane may have influenced McKay's novel, but McKay may have influenced Toomer's work first, because he was a noted poet before 1923.

The next two books I read were collected in a volume called Harlem Renaissance: Five Novels of the 1920s, a Library of America collection edited by Rafia Zafar (it also includes Home to Harlem and Cane, but I read them as separate books since I own them both). I skipped the fifth book in the collection, Plum Bun, by Jessie Redmon Fauset, because it didn't sound as interesting as the others, but she was actually a very important writer of the period and I should probably read something by her eventually.

I don't really like reading Library of America collections, because they are fat little books with small print, but they do have their uses. For one thing, they collect important works that libraries don't necessarily own otherwise. Also, this book contained very good biographical sketches of each author, much better than what you usually get on Wikipedia.
 
The third Harlem Renaissance novel I read was Quicksand by Nella Larsen (1928). Larsen is better known for her second novel, Passing, but that was checked out at the library (I might read it later). I was interested to read Quicksand, because in the article I quote from above by W. E. B. DuBois where he criticizes Home to Harlem, he lavishly praises Quicksand, published the same year.
I have just read the last two novels of Negro America. The one I liked; the other I distinctly did not. I think that Mrs. Imes, writing under the pen name of Nella Larsen, has done a fine, thoughtful and courageous piece of work in her novel (DuBois, 1928, "Two Novels," reprinted in The Black Novelist, ed. by Robert Hemenway, 1970).
He goes on to say that Quicksand is "not near nasty enough for New York columnists," and his comments made me think I would not like Quicksand much. It sounded entirely too wholesome. But it isn't. Nella Larsen was the daughter of a white woman from Denmark and a Black man from the Danish West Indies (now the U.S. Virgin Islands -- did you know that? I didn't) who probably did not marry Larsen's mother and deserted her and his child. This meant that Larsen had no "people" -- she was not from the Black middle class that was beginning to develop. Therefore, although she was fairly light-skinned, she was discriminated against within the Black community for her shady background. All this is contained within Quicksand, which is apparently highly autobiographical. Helga, the heroine, is not light enough to pass for white, and she does not do well with Black people either.

We begin with Helga teaching in a school for Black children in the South. Disgusted by the patronizing words of a visiting speaker, she quits her job and returns to Chicago, where she has an uncle (a white Danish immigrant like her mother). But once there she learns that her uncle has married, and her aunt is horrified at the thought of a "colored" niece. Through a piece of luck, Helga goes to work for Mrs. Hayes-Rore, a Black woman who lectures on "the race problem" and eventually introduces Helga to her late husband's nephew's widow, Anne, who invites Helga to live with her in Harlem. There Helga is exposed to Black culture, but she doesn't feel at home. Eventually she decides to go to Denmark, where some of her mother's family still live. There she is treated better, but as something like a freak show. She is painted, and then courted, by a famous artist, but he only likes her for her dark skin, not herself. After returning to New York, one rainy night she stumbles into a Black mission church, seduces a minister, and ends up in the South where she realizes once again that she is miserable.

It's an odd book -- suffering, I suppose, from having been a first novel (too many loose ends that don't get properly tied up, with an ending that doesn't match the rest of the book). But Larsen writes well, and we get a strong sense of Helga's personality and discomfort in all her different worlds, in none of which she feels at home. I liked Home to Harlem much better, but Quicksand isn't the boring, traditional novel I was expecting. It was interesting to read about Harlem from a woman's perspective.

Finally I read The Blacker the Berry by Wallace Thurman (1929). Characters in all the Harlem Renaissance books I read seem obsessed with color, though opinions on which color is best differ somewhat. In Home to Harlem, Jake (who is described as "chocolate") loves his little brown girl better than "high-yaller" Rose, but the "burning passion" of "chocolate-to-the-bone" Suzy is "the yellow youth of her race." Claude McKay plays with color terms like the poet he is.
Dandies and pansies, chocolate, chestnut, coffee, ebony, cream, yellow, everybody was teased up to the high point of excitement.
But in The Blacker the Berry, color is a serious problem for the dark-skinned heroine, Emma Lou. It is somewhat OK in the world of this novel for a man to be dark, but not a woman. As a student at the University of Southern California (which Thurman also attended, briefly), she is too dark for the African-American sorority. When she moves to Harlem, she can't even get an office job because of her color, many landladies won't rent a room to her, and most men will not date her. At a midnight revue she attends, the prejudice is made fully clear:
Then followed the usual rigamarole carried on weekly at the Lafayette concerning the undesirability of black girls. Every one, that is, all the males, let it be known that high browns and "high yallers" were "forty" with them, but that....They were interrupted by the re-entry of the little black girl riding a mule and singing mournfully as she was being thus transported across the stage:
     A yellow gal rides in a limousine,
     A brown-skin rides a Ford,
     A black gal rides an old jackass
     But she gets there, yes my Lord.
Emma Lou, unfortunately, holds the same prejudice, and refuses to go out with dark men, instead falling for a young man, Alva, who is half Filipino. Alva, who is also involved with other women and perhaps men (Thurman was himself gay), supports himself with Emma Lou's money and only takes her out where his friends won't see her. Still, she loves him and keeps hanging on, way past the point of sanity.

Emma Lou finally realizes that she needs to change her thinking about color and about herself. While acknowledging that discrimination exists, she does not herself need to discriminate against other dark-skinned people, and she can find a satisfying life for herself despite others' prejudice. But it takes her almost the entire book to figure this out. I lost patience with her during the second chapter. According to Wikipedia, the novel's honesty about color issues has led to important discussions and research about race and color. But as a work of art it is somewhat lacking. Again, it is a first novel, with a first novel's typical failings.

It's been so interesting reading these books, most of which I had never heard of before (Cane is the one exception). So interesting to learn about what Harlem was like in those days, and something about what was happening to people of African ancestry in America in the 1920s. Such a contrast between this outpouring of creative brilliance and the ridiculous way white people were still treating Black people in this country. As they continue to do today.

For my next "challenge" we're moving only slightly forward in time, to the 1930s, so it's still the Harlem Renaissance era, but with a different focus -- genre fiction. Should be fun.

Sunday, August 9, 2020

Looking back

This post is inspired by one I read last night. I should have done it on my birthday! but a month later is good too.

60 years ago...

I am a darling newborn baby, crying all the time (I am told), doted on by everyone, and the recent recipient of many many many tiny pink dresses. I live in my parents' ranch-style house in Palo Alto with my 38-year-old parents, sister #1 (age 16), sister #2 (age almost 11), and our black and white, mixed-breed dog Polly.

 

50 years ago...

I am 10, still living in my parents' house in Palo Alto (which has been extensively remodeled since my birth), but my older sisters have moved out and my partner in crime is sister #3, who will be 8 in October. We have a golden retriever named Penny. My family has gone through a lot of turmoil the past few years, and it isn't over yet, but we're surviving. I've just finished 4th grade and am eagerly awaiting 5th grade, because I really like school. I'm always in love with someone (but not sure who it was just then). I am a fanatic reader. My best friend is E, also a fanatic reader. I want to be a writer when I grow up, though I'm already aware it isn't likely to happen.

 

40 years ago...

I am 20, living in my parents' house between my sophomore and junior years at UC Berkeley. I will be moving into a student co-op, Stebbins Hall, in the fall. On my 20th birthday I bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies and hang out on the front lawn with the neighbor's cat, playing sad songs on the guitar. E and I are still friends, but have grown less close; other friends are Z, from high school, and K, my roommate the previous year. I'm not dating anyone, although unbeknownst to me I am about to embark on a passionate love affair with a friend, M. I still want to be a writer, but am also considering law school. My father has been diagnosed with diabetes but we don't know about his heart trouble yet.

 

30 years ago...

I am 30, living alone in a large, dim apartment in Ann Arbor where I am a PhD student in linguistics. I don't have any pets, but in five months I will acquire my first cat. According to my diary, I am seeing someone (who I barely remember now). Over the previous two years many people in my family have died (father, aunt, grandfather), causing me to fall into a deep depression. So I am now taking the antidepressant Nardil, which makes me high as a kite: no worries, no inhibitions, and a permanent grin on my face. (Also: no short-term memory, insane insomnia, and an inability to read, making it hard to be a grad student; in about 6 months I will go off the drug.) I have lots of friends and go out dancing or to movies or parties most weekends. I still want to be a writer, vaguely, but am trying to think positively about a career as a linguistics professor. 

 

20 years ago...

I am 40, living in Boulder, where I moved after earning my PhD and realizing I didn't want to be a professor after all. With the help of family, I have recently purchased a small townhouse, where I live with my old cat, Edward. I'm working as a technical writer/editor for the federal government and enjoying my job. I am in a book group and go for regular walks with another member. A few months ago I met an interesting man on a Boulder Singles Hike, but he seems to have vanished. I still have vague thoughts of being a writer, but I almost never write fiction anymore. I walk, hike, ride my bike, and swim.

 

10 years ago...

I am 50, living in a rental house in Ridgecrest, CA, with my husband (Rocket Boy -- the interesting man from the hike) and our two-and-a-half-year-old twins, A and B. We also have two cats, Whiskers and Pie. I've given up my writer/editor job and am just a mom and a housewife, while Rocket Boy works at the China Lake Naval Air Weapons Station. I have a blog, my first, and I've started writing fiction again, after years away from it. It's been an eventful summer, with one family trip ending in a minor disaster and another soon to be cancelled when Rocket Boy is hospitalized with a fungal lung infection. Over the last few years many family members have died, including my mother, sister #1, and other important people. Sisters #2 and #3 are devoted aunts to their twin nephews. I live close enough to sister #1's adult children to visit them and their families often.

 

Today...

I am 60, living with my 12-year-old twins and our cat Chester in our 1000-square foot house in Boulder, while Rocket Boy lives and works most of the time in St. Louis (though he arrived this afternoon for a two-week visit). We're thinking about getting a dog. After working at the University of Colorado for five years, I'm currently unemployed and not really looking for anything while the pandemic rages on. I enjoy writing this blog and also (sometimes) fiction, but just for my own pleasure. I am still a reading fanatic and my book group is still going. I stay in touch with friends from high school, college, and grad school, but don't have any very close friends in town. A question that is often on my mind: what's next?

 

I think I should do this again in five years. It's weird how certain things vanish if you only look at your life in 10-year chunks. High school, my job as a typesetter, various relationships... I tried to sneak in as much as I could, but missed many things. When I'm 65, if I look back on 5, 15, 25, 35, 45, and 55, that will fill in some gaps, but not all.

But overall it's just really really weird to look at your life this way. It's particularly weird to think about how I saw my life at the time, and how things actually turned out. Some things I was wildly wrong about, and others were more accurate. You can't predict the future, but you can understand yourself (or not).

Sunday, August 2, 2020

August 2020, aka March April May June July revisited

OK, I'm starting off cranky, with a cranky title. But seriously. One week ago when I wrote a post, the US death total from the coronavirus stood at 146,747. And today it is 155,184. That's 8,437 deaths in one week, about 1200 a day. I try to take comfort in the fact that the number of cases per day is 5% less than two weeks ago, and it's true that the map of cases looks better. But that's just because it was so horrible before. And more and more people keep losing their jobs, businesses keep closing, and around the world people are dying of famine, not just the virus.

I've been looking at the world map of cases too. The US has an average of 62,581 cases per day (19 per 100,000 people), while Canada has 435 (1.2 per 100,000). Way to go, Canada. But then here's Yemen with 8 cases per day. Obviously not true -- they just have no testing, no reporting, and no healthcare. No food. Russia claims only 5,508 cases per day (3.8 per 100,000). Unlikely. And then all the countries in Africa. So what are the real totals? I understand now why the death total from the 1918-20 Spanish Flu was "somewhere between 17 million and 50 million." If we have such unrealistic numbers today, in the age of data, how could they have had any idea back then?

And once school starts, with all the schools and colleges planning to offer in-person learning, the case loads in the US will rise again. This will definitely be true in Boulder County, when CU reopens. We're averaging 15-20 cases per day right now, but that will go up. The kids were originally scheduled to start school in 2.5 weeks, but now it's been pushed to 3 weeks or more (I'm not sure exactly which day they start). I'm still looking forward to it. Just imagine -- twice a week, a several-hour stretch of time where I'm the only one in the house. Quite amazing. Is it worth the risk of being exposed to the virus? Probably not (maybe).

Rocket Boy (seen here on Skype) is going to come visit us again, possibly next weekend. (He's not sure exactly when he'll leave St. Louis, and since he's driving, he has some flexibility.) Our 18th anniversary is next Monday, the 10th, so he wants to be here for that, and he thinks he'll probably stay about two weeks, until the twins go back to school. So that'll be nice. His office still hasn't opened up, so he spent the month of July in St. Louis for no particular reason. But he accomplished some things, including buying a new used car. So that was good.

The kids and I, on the other hand, have been lazy and slothful. We didn't do anything or go anywhere. But we also didn't cause trouble for anyone, as far as I know. That's how I judge my worth these days. And actually, the twins did do Lexia three times a week all month long. Kid A lost access to it as of yesterday, so now we're going to take a two or three week break, even though Kid B can still use it. It seems only fair.

It occurred to me that I need to clean the house again before Rocket Boy gets here, so I've made a list of what to tackle this week. This is based on the cleaning system I discovered the last time he came.
  • Monday: clean off surfaces, especially in the kitchen and living room
  • Tuesday: pick up and remove excess stuff on floors
  • Wednesday: clean the bathroom
  • Thursday: sweep & vacuum floors, get ready for trash & compost pickup
  • Friday: clean the fridge and anything else that still looks bad
  • Saturday: wash sheets & towels, change bed linen
I have been totally lazy about cleaning since Rocket Boy left. For example, there are things on the counter next to the sink that he put there to be washed. Also, everything I got for my birthday and all the boxes that contained the stuff I ordered online are still in the living room. I blame it on the heat, which has been oppressive. But now we've had several days in the 80s, not the 90s, and I feel a little more energetic. I'm just itching to clean up this mess.

Well, no, I'm not itching to clean anything, I never am. But I think I can make this look better. Probably even 15 minutes of work would make this look (a lot) better.

Oh, and the other thing I need to do is get a new battery for my car. Big sigh. Yesterday we ordered our usual Saturday night takeout, this time from Chili's, because I wanted to go to Walmart (in the same shopping center) and look at Barbie doll clothes. Kid B went with me, just for a change of pace. But my car didn't want to start. It's a good thing I'm driving all the way out to Chili's/Walmart, I thought, so that the battery can have a chance to recharge. Chili's/Walmart is 9 miles away, with lots of 40-45 mph stretches and few stoplights. Anyway, we made it there, parked in the Walmart lot, and went in to shop, finding a few outfits for my Ken dolls. Back at the car 20 minutes later, it once again didn't want to start and this time it was more serious. I finally got it to start, but then I knew I didn't dare turn it off again. So we drove around the shopping center until our food was ready, then drove over to Chili's and let the car idle until they brought out our food, and then drove straight home, praying all the way.

So I thought I'd get a new battery today -- Sunday, nice quiet day -- even found a good place that was open, but I ended up chickening out and didn't do it. THAT means I have to do it tomorrow. And I really do have to do it, because my book group is meeting tomorrow night, so I need a functioning car to get there. SIGH. Why couldn't this have happened when Rocket Boy was here? I'll probably have to call AAA to jump it so I can drive to the battery place. SIGH. I know, First World problems. It's not that big a deal. SIGH.

To get myself to do this, I should remember how brave I was last week, when I finally went to a podiatrist about my hurting right foot. She diagnosed plantar fasciitis, of course, a bad case, but with the complicating factor of edema in my legs and feet. I didn't realize that edema could make plantar fasciitis worse, but when she explained it to me, it made sense. So she prescribed compression stockings, and I picked up one pair in the pharmacy and have been happily wearing them ever since. The pair I got is a green camouflage print (see photo), really atrociously ugly, but they are so comfortable! My legs and feet love them. I have three more pairs on order, much more discrete and attractive, so that I can wear them in public.

There are more things that I am supposed to be doing -- wearing a splint at night (tried it, can't get it to fit right, something for Rocket Boy to help with), doing exercises, seeing a physical therapist, seeing a regular doctor about the edema. More scary appointments to make, more things to put off. But first I must deal with the car. SIGH.

To end on a more upbeat note, I'll include a photo of my Barbie doll collection, which is getting bigger and bigger thanks to my friend Zhiqun who sent me that dangerous Amazon gift card for my birthday (plus the occasional trip to Target or Walmart). Aren't they lovely, all wearing their sunglasses? From left to right we have (the names are related to the clothes they came in, even though most of them are wearing something else here):
  • #5 Hip Hoodie Ken (original)
  • #30 Pink Pizzazz Barbie (tall, flat feet)
  • #15 Tropical Vibes Ken (slim)
  • #64 Lovin' Leopard Barbie (curvy, flat feet)
  • #39 Emoji Fun Barbie (curvy, pointed feet)
  • #138 Surfer Dude Ken (original)
  • #154 K-pop Ken (slim)
  • Justin Bieber doll
  • #90 Rainbow Bright Barbie (original, flat feet)
  • #81 Wear Your Heart Barbie (petite, pointed feet)
  • #13 Distressed Denim Ken, aka Man Bun Ken (broad)
I am dying to buy more, but also trying NOT to buy more because it is ridiculous. Many adults buy all the Barbie fashionistas, or at least all the ones they like -- the dolls are just so fun right now, with all the different body types and facial features and skin tones and hairstyles. YouTube is full of videos from adult collectors. But that does not mean that I should copy them.

I keep thinking how nice it would be if a little girl came to visit me, maybe 5 or 6 years old, and she could play with my collection. But I don't know a little girl like that, so the little girl that lives inside me will have to suffice for now. It passes the time, and soon my Amazon gift card will be all used up and I can stop, or at least slow down, this nonsense.

Hope everyone has a good week. I will be cleaning, getting a new battery, and you know, the usual.