It is really and truly over

It really is! My little men, born at 39 weeks and 5 lbs 12.9 oz/19.5 inches and 5 lbs 10.3 oz/18.25 inches respectively, are not only adults, they are high school graduates. We have done it. It is over.

I never thought it would be this hard. It was so incredibly hard, I can hardly believe we did it. And I understand why so many people don't want to have kids these days (for many reasons, but one reason is that it's so hard). I think it must be more obvious how hard it is, with social media, etc. But both Rocket Boy and I wanted kids so much, I don't think it would have stopped us, even if we had known how hard it would be. 

And anyway, you never know, you never have any idea until you do it.

But we did it.

I know, it's not over. We'll be their parents as long as we live, and it'll be a long time until they're fully independent. That's OK. It'll be a long time until I'm ready to stop being so parental. I'm going to work on it this summer and of course all next year. I'm going to try to teach them things that I've neglected to teach them so far, like how to do the laundry. I'm going to try to transfer responsibilities to them (like doing their own laundry). I expect that it will be a long process. That's fine.

But this stage, this long stage of public school, is now over. No classes need to be made up. I printed out the detailed version of their "Academic Plan Progress Reports" which show exactly how they met all the complicated requirements for graduation, what grade they got each semester of each class, etc. Everything says "Complete." They had to earn 220 credits to graduate. Teen A earned 250 credits and Teen B earned 285. Their grades weren't the best, but nobody got a single F. They passed everything. We are done.

It's been a crazy week. They had one last day of classes, that was Monday, and then Tuesday and Wednesday they had final exams. I had to do a lot of driving back and forth, picking things up. On Wednesday, I had to drive Teen B to school with a MASSIVE amount of paper that he'd been saving for four years, all his old assignments, for the "Paper Drop. This is when the seniors go up to the third floor balcony and drop their papers into the courtyard below (and then the janitors sweep it all up and recycle it). 

Then I had to take our cat Sillers to the vet, because she's been peeing on our bed. While she was there, she had some sort of "episode," a seizure or a heart attack or something, and had to be put on oxygen and kept under observation for a few hours. While that was going on, I had to go back to the school and pick up Teen B's clarinet, because he had to take it home and didn't want to carry it around the rest of the day (normally I would have said no, but I was feeling generous, it being the last day of school, plus he'd already had to give up his locker). Then I had to go back and pick up the cat from the vet. 

Then I had to work on getting ready for the book group who were coming that night. Around 4pm I had to go pick up Teen B, who had stayed to watch Teen A perform in the LOYO (Living on your own) dance contest. He obligingly texted me a video of it, which I've watched dozens of times. Then there was Spring Fling, but he decided it wasn't much fun, so I picked him up. Rocket Boy came home early and did some more vacuuming. Then he decided to mop the kitchen floor, 20 minutes before the book group was going to arrive and I hadn't finished fixing the food. The book group arrived and we had a nice meeting, while Rocket Boy took Teen B to Senior Sunset (which I guess wasn't that great because it was cloudy). Life went on.

Thursday, the kids had no school, but Rocket Boy had to work, so I got up early with him. I'll probably continue to do that all summer -- it's just easier that way. And that afternoon, my little sister and her husband and bulldog arrived from California. Teen B and I went over to their hotel to greet them. Then we went home and I made dinner for us. 

Friday and Saturday they hung out here a lot. We mostly stayed outside (the weather was beautiful), because if we were inside we had to lock the cats in a bedroom, plus the bulldog would eat people's shoes. My sister had brought gift bags for both boys with cards & checks from her and our other sister, and these wonderful graduation leis that her coworker had made for the boys.

We ate out at the Hungry Toad on Friday (plus Sweet Cow for ice cream) and Chautauqua on Saturday (that dinner included Teen A's girlfriend, which was fun). 

Friday the kids did have to go to school, for graduation rehearsal, something called the Senior Gauntlet (where they run around the outside of the school and the younger students and the teachers are all lined up, cheering them on), and cap & gown distribution. We also picked up their yard signs! I have been looking forward to getting those yard signs since I first noticed them in people's yards in 2014! So exciting to be able to put them up in our yard. I've been going around the neighborhood looking for other people's yard signs. It's so fun.

But a terrible thing happened on Friday too. Earlier in the week, our finches' eggs hatched, and we had been watching them feed three or four babies. So adorable! But on Friday a blue jay (perhaps with babies of its own to feed) attacked the nest and ate all the babies. I only saw it get the last one. I screamed and ran outside and clapped my hands, but I was too late. The nest was empty.

This was heartbreaking, even though I've been criticizing the finches ever since they built this terrible nest. At the same time, I've been kind of identifying with them. They were trying to raise their babies, just as Rocket Boy and I have been. Now ours have graduated -- and theirs were eaten by a blue jay!

We wonder if they'll try again with that nest. I hope not. I want to tear it down, but I guess we have to wait and see what happens.

On Saturday, after another visit from Nancy and Rick and the bulldog, Teen B and I went to Target so I could buy a "clear bag" because the CU events center only allows clear bags. I got a nice little purse which I can use for other events like this, only $15. 

Today, finally, was the graduation. Rocket Boy and I got up at 6:30 and I got the twins up at 7 am. I ate a yogurt and took a pain pill. I should probably mention that my knee has been hurting more and more and more. Walking hurts. Sitting down hurts. Moving between a sitting and a standing position hurts. Everything hurts. I'm getting used to having pain all the time, I guess, but I'm also horrified by it. How long will this last? Is this my new normal? Anyway.

Teen A's girlfriend arrived at about 7:30 and he drove her in his car to CU. Teen B and Rocket Boy and I left in our car at 7:40. We got to the events center at about 7:45 (it is really close and there was no traffic), dropped off Teen B with his clarinet, and drove on to my sister's hotel. I had told her we would be there a little after 8, but we got there by about 7:47 or something ridiculous like that. I texted her and she came right down. We were back at CU and parked before 8 am. Then we had to climb up a million steps to get into the events center, and, once we'd gone through screening, had to climb down a million more steps to get to where we decided to sit. It was chilly outside and terribly hot inside (no air conditioning). Then we sat and waited for an hour. Fortunately, the combined band & orchestra played for us from about 8:30 on. They played "Phantom of the Opera" multiple times, and some other things. I explained to Rocket Boy and Nancy and Miss Trish (Teen B's old Kids Hope partner) that they only knew a few things together -- most of the time the band and orchestra play different pieces, they don't usually play together.

Promptly at 9 (I think) the graduation started. First everybody marched in, then they played the "Star Spangled Banner," then the choir sang, then there were the interminable speeches, and then the 503 members of the class of 2026 went up to get their diplomas. It took absolutely forever. At first I clapped for each student, but as it went on and on, and we were only in the B's, I thought, I need to save my strength. So then I only clapped for names I recognized -- people they went to elementary school with, people in band and orchestra and choir and theater. It went on and on and on.

Finally it ended. We climbed up the stairs again, and then down the outside stairs, and started looking for the kids. It took forever to find Teen B. We took some pictures. It was starting to rain, so we agreed to meet at the Southside Walnut Cafe for lunch. We took my sister back to her hotel (she and her husband would come in their car, with the dog). Miss Trish went ahead. Teen A went ahead. We finally got there too. We waited in the light rain for a table for seven. They finally gave us two tables close together, which was fine. I had a latte and a waffle. It was delicious, but I was fading. As we sat there, it began to pour.

We ran for our cars, headed home. My sister and her husband went back to their hotel room so she could have a nap. Rocket Boy took one too. Teen A went off to find his girlfriend (and unbeknownst to us, attend the other high school's graduation which started at 2 pm). Meanwhile, at home, Teen B and I watched the other high school's graduation on YouTube (I also took another pain pill). Then we started to watch the replay of his graduation, to see things we'd missed. Around 4:30 or so, my sister and her husband and the bulldog came over again and we stood around in the front yard (it had stopped raining by then) and looked at birds. Four western tanagers were flying around the yard across the street! I never see them here. Maybe were migrating through. 

After they left, Teen B and I went to Starbucks, even though it was 5:30 or so. Can't miss that Sunday tradition, right? And an hour later we met up with my sister and her husband for dinner at BJ's. I was not hungry at all, but I had a bowl of soup. Afterwards we hugged goodbye. It was so wonderful that she was able to come out for the graduation. I will never forget how wonderful that was.

I think I'm forgetting a lot of things, but I will stop here because it's 10 pm and I know Rocket Boy wants to go to bed. He has to get up and go to work tomorrow morning! And Nancy and Rick and the bulldog have to get on the road for home. It's supposed to snow on I-80. Well, sure, it's only the middle of May. (We're only supposed to get rain, but it could snow a little tomorrow night.) 

I still can't believe it's over. What comes next? For the boys, it's the rest of their lives, all the exciting parts. For me, and for Rocket Boy, it's a gradual downward slope, but I hope it's a pleasant slide. We shall see.  

Crazy last days

It's almost over. One more day of regular classes, then two days of finals, then no more class, just graduation rehearsal and graduation itself and then it's all over. By this time next week, my kids will no longer be enrolled in the Boulder Valley School District.

OMG.

Today, of course, is Mothers Day, but I'm not making a big deal out of that. Rocket Boy got me a card and he and the twins signed it, and we MIGHT go out to dinner, but we'll see. We went out last night, to horrible Cracker Barrel. I actually found something good on the menu, an egg sandwich, that reminded me a little of my mother's old Denver sandwiches. Except I didn't get mine with bacon, just a slice of cheese and sliced tomatoes, and I had my eggs over easy instead of scrambled. It was delicious, unlike almost everything else at Cracker Barrel. Also I had watermelon lemonade to drink, which was also delicious.

It reminded me of when the boys were little and they sold watermelon lemonade from our driveway for a quarter. I think that was in 2014, when they were six. I found a picture of them selling limeade that summer, but I think that was also watermelon lemonade summer. Or it could have been 2015.

Memories.

The thing about Mothers Day... all over Reddit, mothers are terribly upset because their kids have gone "radio silent," aren't doing anything for Mothers Day. Maybe in 10 years I'll be all upset like that. But it's hard to imagine. For me, a good Mothers Day would be one in which I don't have to do a lot of work. I don't need someone to buy me flowers.

This Mothers Day I actually AM having to do a lot of work, specifically laundry. For quite a while now we've been smelling a bad smell in our bed, and this morning we finally figured out that our problem cat, Sillers, had peed all over the bed at various times. There were big yellow stains on the mattress pad. So we took the whole bed apart, including the mattress pad, including the cover on the mattress pad, and washed everything. Four separate loads to get all the blankets and everything washed (Rocket Boy has three extra blankets on his side because he has no body fat and gets cold). Let's see, I washed the mattress pad cover, the bottom sheet, the top sheet, the pillowcases, the blanket, RB's three extra blankets, the comforter, and the cat blanket that goes on top of the comforter. Plus an old sheet that I used to cover some of the flowers during our snow this past week. Somehow that added up to four loads. Fortunately it's a beautiful day and things dried quickly. We also put the mattress pad on the line for an hour or so. We also treated the mattress pad cover with Nature's Miracle. But now we have to figure out how to keep the cat off the clean bed. I'm going to call the vet tomorrow. Maybe she has a bladder infection or something else fixable.

I also spent a couple of hours helping Teen B with his stats project, and we still have Personal Finance ahead of us. We finished the language arts project last night. 

This was a very busy week. Monday I saw my doctor because of the knee pain I've been having. She did a very thorough exam, plus an x-ray, and decided that, as I suspected, I have a Baker's cyst, even though she couldn't feel it. She said they don't typically drain them, because they just recur, so I have to live with it until it resolves on its own.

It's getting worse and worse, though. She said I could use heat, painkillers, massage. When it gets really bad I take ibuprofen, but I don't want to dose myself constantly. It's getting hard to walk, so I haven't gone for many walks for the past few weeks. I'll reevaluate the situation when we get past all the end of school stuff.

The x-ray results said I have "mild tricompartment osteophytosis." That means I'm developing little bone spurs on all three parts of the knee. This is bad, but I'm going to focus on the "mild" part of it. I'm nowhere near needing a knee replacement. The arthritis is probably what caused the Baker's cyst.

Tuesday night was the last choir concert, which we attended even though it was already snowing. The choir director (who greeted us with "Welcome to our winter concert, lol")  had a slideshow with bios of all the graduating seniors projected onto the wall of the auditorium. I would have preferred a program, but she doesn't do programs for some reason. Anyway, it was VASTLY better than what the stupid band director did.

Wednesday was an actual snow day, no school at all, all activities canceled including the theater banquet (which Teen B wasn't going to anyway). We got ELEVEN inches of heavy, wet snow (about 1.71 inches of water, so good for our snowpack), and so so many branches broke off the trees. In our backyard there is an enormous branch that (thank heaven) fell on top of a juniper, not the roof. However, there's also a branch on the roof, that may have done a little damage. Rocket Boy thinks not. We will see.

I was a little skeptical about the whole snow day thing, like, come on, we can handle this much snow. But the tree branches coming down was a real issue. It would have been dangerous for kids walking to and from school. I was afraid to go out in the backyard. Also, our power went out a couple of times, although it didn't stay out.

Thursday it warmed up and everything melted. By the end of the day there was no snow left. None. All eleven inches melted into the grateful ground.

Friday, I took Baby Kitty to the vet because his cat asthma, or whatever it is, has been getting worse. The vet decided it was time to move on to the pill form of prednisone, instead of injections. I was worried about that until he told me that I could grind the pills up and mix them with his food. So I'm doing that. It's very easy. I grind a pill up using a mortar and pestle, stir it into his wet food, and he eats it all up.

However, I'm not sure it's actually helping. The vet said we would see an immediate improvement and BK is still having attacks. Maybe not as many. The next step, if this doesn't work, is a pediatric inhaler, which sounds impossible. We'll keep trying the pills for a while.

Cats. Why do we have them, exactly?

Also on Friday, Teen B, Rocket Boy, and I attended the 150th anniversary celebration of the kids' high school, which graduated its first class in 1876. It was the first public high school in Colorado, or maybe the oldest that's still operating, something like that. (Its motto is "Still the First!" which I think is silly -- how could it stop being the first?) The actual building is not that old, only 90 years old, completed in 1936, but it seems ancient. Since 1936 they've remodeled it over and over, added on, not thought through what they were doing when they added on to it, etc. It's an absolute maze. I love it so much.

There's a staircase in the library that students are not allowed to go up. It has little signs all over the stairs, strictly forbidding students. During the celebration you were allowed to wander all over the school, so we went up the forbidden staircase. At the top were THREE locked doors. We don't know what they lead to. Why are there three? We will never know.

Teen B commented that after this coming week, he probably will never go in the school again. I pointed out that he could attend the 200th anniversary celebration, when he's 68. Or maybe they'll celebrate the 100th anniversary of the actual building, which would be in only 10 years. 

I got so sad about not being able to go in the building anymore that I started thinking about becoming a substitute teacher again.

On Saturday we did a lot of homework, and we've done a lot more today (plus we'll do more as soon as I finish this). Today, in addition to all that laundry, Rocket Boy and I did manage to go to the nursery and get more plants: more marigolds, more impatiens, basil & parsley & a tomato plant -- and a fuchsia! I love getting a fuchsia for Mothers Day. Rocket Boy said that this year he will hang it up for me, so I'll look forward to that. Hummingbirds came to my feeder all through the winter storm, so I was very glad I had that up. And the mama finch is still sitting on her eggs, very bravely. 

We ended up having dinner tonight at Boulder Social, so I didn't have to cook on Mothers Day after all. I had the heavenly golden beet salad (with goat cheese, golden raisins, pecans, salad greens, and a balsamic dressing, plus I added grilled salmon). It was so good. Tomorrow I'll cook. The kids both ordered tacos, and Teen A didn't eat his sides. When Rocket Boy admonished him, he said "I'm not going to eat no rice and beans." I said, "I'm not going to eat ANY rice and beans," but I started to laugh in the middle of it and couldn't finish. I love my boys.

There's so much coming up this week ahead. The last three days of school. My book group comes Wednesday night. My sister and her husband and bulldog arrive Thursday. The kids have a whole bunch of activities on Friday. Sunday is graduation. Oh, and it's going to be REALLY hot. Wish us luck getting through everything. 

Finally, May

And here we go! One last week of classes for the kids. Then early finals. Then graduation practice, a barbecue, the spring fling, all the end of year stuff. Then graduation. And then it's over, and OMG.

I'm panicking. In two weeks we will lose access to the BVSD internal websites, Infinite Campus and Schoology and all that. Is there anything stored in those places that I want to grab before it's gone? What do the kids need from their teachers and counselors before they lose access to them?

It's a strange feeling. Yesterday I remembered about their graduation announcements, which we paid for last fall and then left in a pile on the desk in their room. I wrote notes on 8 of them and mailed them out. I considered sending more (we have 25, the smallest number you could buy), possibly to the bulk of our Christmas card list, but the problem is that then people might feel obligated to send a graduation present or at least a card. I wrote on some of them "no gifts, please" or words to that effect, and then I just cut it short, didn't send any more. So we have 17 announcements that will probably sit around here and there for several years until I finally get rid of them.

Teen B reminded me today that I could have told the recipients of these announcements that the graduation will be live-streamed on YouTube, no need to be there in person. I told him I don't think most people really want to watch a high school graduation on YouTube. But we'll see. I might mention it to a few people. *I* enjoy watching high school graduations on YouTube, so maybe a few other people will too. 

This past week we attended the final concerts for band and orchestra. At the end of the last concert of the year it's traditional for the teacher to introduce the graduating seniors and tell what they're planning to do next year. The orchestra teacher actually had that information printed in the program, along with photos and words of advice to younger musicians from each graduating senior. The band teacher made us sit through EIGHT jazz pieces (there are two jazz bands and they each played four pieces) and then said that there were so many seniors (24) that he didn't have time to talk about each one, so he just had them come up on stage to get a rose, and we clapped for them. Didn't even call out their names. Didn't even have them identified as seniors in the program (which the orchestra teacher did). 

I never do this, but the next day I actually wrote an email to the band teacher telling him how unhappy this made me. I thanked him for four great years, told him how much I'd enjoyed all the concerts, and then assured him that I would have been HAPPY to sit there for another half hour while he introduced each senior and told where they were going next year. I didn't just want Teen B to be introduced, I wanted to hear about all the seniors. After all, I've been listening to them make beautiful music for four years. And also, if the jazz bands had only played THREE pieces each (as the larger bands did), we would have had time for that.

He didn't respond.

Teen A also had his yearly physical this week and although he wanted me to come along, he didn't invite me in to the examination room. So I sat in the waiting room and looked at my phone. Soon, I'm sure, I won't even have to come along. He already goes alone to get his hair cut, although for some reason he likes me to come along for dentist and eye appointments (and sit in the waiting room). Little bit by little bit, the boys are growing up. 

This coming week is the final choir concert and we will probably go to that too, although the weather's supposed to be bad, so I may have some trouble getting Teen B out of the house. Last week the weather was supposed to be bad on a couple of days, but it never materialized, so I have my doubts about this week. But we'll see. I decided to go ahead and get flowers and plant them yesterday. If that makes the bad weather come, so be it! It would be worth it, even if I had to re-buy and re-plant everything. 

Last Thursday, when it was supposed to pour and did nothing, I kept thinking, I should go outside and do yardwork and THEN it would start to rain. But I wasn't feeling great, so I didn't. Should have.

I've been having pain in the back of my left knee for a few weeks, and this past week it got out of hand. It's most painful when I drive, even though that's not my driving leg. Something about the position it gets into is not good. But it comes and goes. Some days I wake up with no pain and it gets worse, other days I wake up in a lot of pain and it gets better (or worse). On Wednesday or Thursday, can't remember which, I got into so much pain that I was practically screaming, so I emailed my doctor and asked if I should be seen. She got right back to me and said yes! So I'm going in tomorrow morning at 9:45. I assume it's a Baker's cyst or something like that, but we'll see. I'm not aware of having injured myself in any way. 

Then on Friday I was changing all the calendars (no one but me ever remembers to do this) and I ripped the hole in Teen B's calendar so it wouldn't hang up properly. So then I went in the desk room to look for those little thingies that you can stick onto a torn hole to fix it. While I was rummaging in a drawer of the secretary desk (which has lots of stuff piled on it), I dislodged a bunch of stuff which then fell hard onto my RIGHT foot. Oh no. I was afraid I'd broken my big toe.

In fact, the toe seems fine, so disaster was averted. But it reminded me that I need to be careful right now -- 'tis the season for accidents. Last year at about this time, Teen A had his smash-up with the car. 

Partly because of my knee and partly because of I don't know what, this wasn't a good week for getting things done. I did a little cleaning, a little writing, no yardwork, and no filing. I don't even care. I can work on my schedule after school gets out. I'll have to revise it again then, because it's hard to do certain things when the kids are home, but that's fine. I don't know how much Teen A will really be around, of course. He might basically move in with his girlfriend and her dad.

We learned something today though -- the girlfriend is going to go to CSU next year, not Metro as we thought. So Teen A will probably be around here more than we expected. I suspect this means the relationship will end, gradually, but we'll see. Maybe Teen A will go up there every weekend at first. 

I know what that's like. When I started college, at UC Davis, my boyfriend was at UC Santa Cruz, and there were several weekends when he made the long drive (about 135 miles, maybe 2.5-3 hours) between campuses in his little red MG (until we eventually broke up, in February). Metro to CSU is actually much less, about 65 miles, maybe a little over an hour, depending on traffic. And Teen A likes to drive. Well, we'll see.

Maybe that's all I have to talk about today. I should go help Teen B with homework. Maybe one more weekend of doing that, and then it will be over. Forever. So weird.