Relief

Rocket Boy is finally here (for a week) and I can feel the stress dripping off my shoulders.

It's been a strange couple of months, as I felt myself slowly falling apart. I didn't stop doing the basic things I had to: getting the kids off to school, feeding the cats, doing some housework, keeping up with the laundry, making dinner, helping the kids with their homework, feeding the cats again, getting everyone to bed. But anything beyond that felt impossible. 

For example, I haven't been able to bake. I keep buying bananas, letting them get soft, then they rot, and then I throw them in the compost, without ever turning them into banana bread. And also, no cookies. I keep buying cookies at the grocery store. Making them at home seems beyond me. This is stupid: I like to bake (sort of). And I hate making dinner, but I've been making dinner quite successfully -- because I feel like I have to. But baking is extra, so I can't do it.

I also haven't been able to cut up branches. There was one day, a few weeks ago, when I pulled myself together and cut up a branch that was lying in the front yard. I put it in the compost bin. But nothing since. I think about going outside, with my clippers and my leaf bags, and then I think, nope, not gonna happen. This past Friday was compost pick-up day and our next-door neighbor -- our TENANT -- put out 8 leaf bags full of cut up branches. I was impressed and thought about at least picking up the small branch that's currently on the front lawn. But I didn't do it.

I keep asking myself, what would you do if Rocket Boy died? What if he were no longer available to come home and fix things? And the answer is: first, probably, I'd fall apart, and then, gradually, I'd start making my own decisions about everything. I'd find a handyman, I'd find various service people. It would take time, but eventually I'd learn how to take care of things. First, though, I would probably fall apart, continue the process that I seem to have begun the last few months. Maybe I'd figure out that I can't manage a house, don't want to manage a house. Maybe I'd sell all the properties, buy a condo. I don't know.

But for now, at least, I don't have to find out what I'd do, because Rocket Boy came home.

I made Rocket Boy a honey-do list for his visit and he has started doing some of the things on it. He tried to repair the rice cooker but discovered that it needs a new part that would have to be ordered from the manufacturer. So he found a replacement base on eBay and ordered that instead. He worked on the front storm door handle and on the bathroom door problem. He hammered in the board that was falling out of the front porch roof. He changed a lightbulb in the twins' room (he's the only one tall enough to do that easily). He keeps saying, "You know, the twins could do some of this stuff." Once he said, "The CATS could probably do some of this stuff." I just smile and give him a hug or a kiss. I can't explain how hard it's been for me to do anything other than the basics.

He went down and looked at the furnace, discovered that a red light on it is blinking three times in a row, and when I looked that up on the internet, we both agreed that this is something for a qualified HVAC person to handle, not him. It has something to do with fuel not getting to the furnace and the repair is complicated (for amateurs). So on Monday we're going to call someone. Of course I could have called someone weeks ago, if I were capable of doing anything. It's OK.

***

We had a decent week before Rocket Boy came. The kids had Monday off, and then on Wednesday, Teen A had his physical. He is now 5' 9.5" which surprised me. He's grown two inches since last year. Now I wonder how much the twins will grow in the coming year. It's funny -- watching them grow makes me want to grow too. Sorry, Mom, no more growing for you. But at least I've gotten my lost inch back (from doing stretching exercises). Sadly, the 6 pounds or so that I gained this winter seem to be permanent. For a while they came and went every few days, but they've been with me for some weeks now. Oh well.

I still haven't decided what to do about taking Mounjaro. Occasionally I think I will take it. Why not give it a shot? Sure would be nice to lose some weight, and it will help my A1c. Other days I think absolutely I am not going to take it. What an awful drug. I know it will make me sick, and it's very likely that it will make me depressed. Our insurance will change within the next six months and the new cheaper insurance probably won't cover it and then I'll gain back whatever weight I've lost. It's just not a good choice for me right now. 

And then the next day I think, well, maybe I should try it.

Friday was Teen A's 504 meeting, to decide whether he would be eligible for a 504 since he tested out of his IEP and is no longer considered "special ed." It was more than a little awkward to be telling his counselor and the assistant principal about Teen A's limitations while he's sitting across the table looking at me, but I persevered. There was no way I was going to let them remove all his accommodations, and they eventually agreed with me. 

There's no parking for visiting parents at the school, so sometimes I take the bus when I have to go there. But for this meeting I drove to the main library and parked there (you can have 90 minutes of free parking) and then walked to the school. It isn't a very long walk (about half a mile), but I am SOOOO out of shape. I was grateful that the meeting was on the first floor and I didn't have to go up any stairs. When I got home, after the meeting, I just collapsed for a while. The morning was both mentally and physically taxing.

Later that afternoon, a tree person finally came out to look at the mess in our yard. I was dreading that, but he turned out to be quite pleasant. He was really just there to look and then give us a quote, but when he saw what was going on in our yard, he asked me if I'd like him to at least cut apart the gigantic branch that smashed through the patio roof. He said he'd do it for $50. I said yes, please, so he did, and then he went up on the roof and cut up the rest of it and threw it down to the yard. And so now our yard looks like this. Just a massive pile of branches covering everything.

Then he took a look at the gigantic branch that was half broken off and hanging down, and he said that didn't look safe, so he cut it down and then went on the roof and cut some more things down. Most of it ended up lying across the cellar door. I knew Rocket Boy was going to want to go down in the basement, so I dragged the gigantic branch into the yard. This picture doesn't show it very well. I couldn't get the whole branch into one shot, it's so enormous.

He's going to send us a quote for the Siberian elm, another quote for the honey locust in the front yard that he said is diseased and needs help while we can still save it, and another quote for day labor, where he and his crew would just come and work on smaller bits of trees. I know I should get multiple quotes, but I thought he was nice and would be happy to work with him. We'll see.

***

So, it's Sunday. We did our Starbucks run, Rocket Boy took Teen B driving for an hour, and now he and Teen A are driving. Neither boy wanted to do this; I wasn't sure we were going to get Teen B out of the house, but eventually he and RB left. They went to the Huckleberry restaurant in Louisville for lunch. I'm not sure where RB and Teen A are going. It's so nice not to have to be the supervising driver.

Tomorrow morning the kids will go to school and Rocket Boy and I will call furnace guys and look for doors and maybe start cutting up branches. I don't know exactly what we'll do. In less than a week he'll leave again, but I'm going to try to pull myself together while he's here so that I can function better after he leaves. I'm just so glad he's here now. So grateful for another week together.