Making progress

That post title is optimistic rather than truthful. I don't think I've made much progress this week. But one big thing did get done: the colonoscopy. And endoscopy, though that wasn't really the problem. Before an endoscopy you just have to not eat for 12 hours or whatever. Before a colonoscopy...

I've been noticing recently that I seem to be psyching myself out more these days, letting negative feelings take over, long before they're really justified. Colonoscopy prep is unpleasant, but it isn't the end of the world. But this past week, getting ready for the procedure, my mind was not my friend. I tried to eat a low-residue diet for a few days and THAT was the end of the world. No Heritage Flakes for breakfast! No fruits and vegetables except bananas! I couldn't eat a raspberry! All these things seemed like the stuff of grand opera, pure tragedy.

Also, I was sure that my friend Sally from my book group, who was going to take me to the hospital, would either forget or accidentally schedule something else at that time. What would I do -- how could I find a replacement at this late date? I emailed her Monday night, as a reminder, fingers almost too scared to type. I was SURE she would respond with bad news. But no, of course not. "I'll be there," she emailed me.

Then came Tuesday, the day I could only have clear liquids. No black tea! -- because I drink tea with milk and you can't have milk. I don't really care for herb tea, but I made myself a pot of Tazo Zen tea, which I do like (it's a mixture of green tea, spearmint, and lemongrass), and I drank that with a little honey. I ate popsicles. I ate an entire container of lemon sorbet. I was not suffering, in other words. But I felt as though I were! I wanted to eat real food! How could I go a day without real food?

And then it was Tuesday night, time to start taking the pills. With this new type of prep (Sutab) you have to swallow 12 big white pills with 16 oz of water, very slowly. I would swallow a pill with a sip of water, watch for the clock on the stove to turn to the next minute, then take another pill. After I'd finished them I felt a little nauseated, but OK. I set the timer for 30 minutes (you have to drink another 16 oz of water half an hour later), and went back to bed to read (i.e., play solitaire on my phone). The timer rang, I got up to get my next dose of water, and a huge wave of nausea came over me, just unbearable. I barely made it to the kitchen sink before I began to vomit, four waves of nothing but water (and dissolved pills). Oh no!

Apparently this happens a lot with these pills. I had probably swallowed them too quickly. I read the directions: if you vomit, you're supposed to finish the prep and then see what happens. If you start pooping, then you're probably fine. If you don't, you have to start taking massive doses of Miralax. I drank my 16 oz of water, waited another 30 minutes, drank 16 oz more, and then the pooping started. So I decided I was OK. But it wasn't fun -- can we acknowledge that? Nausea, vomiting, and then worrying about whether it's going to work or not, followed by insane diarrhea. Not fun.

Wednesday morning (before the twins got up) I had to do it all over again, 12 more pills, 48 more oz of water. But this time I was more careful. I set the timer on my phone for 90 seconds, swallowed a pill (which took about 12 seconds), waited 78 more seconds for the timer to ring, reset it, swallowed another pill, etc. It took me 20-25 minutes to finish the pills, which I think is closer to what they want you to do. I also carried around with me an empty plastic wastebasket (to throw up in, if needed), and I made myself a cup of Zen tea with honey to sip while I waited the 30 minutes. I also drank small cans of Starry after the two additional 16 oz cups of water, so I was drinking more liquid than required -- which you would think would make things worse, but I think the sugar helped calm my stomach. Anyway, no vomiting, and the pooping started up quickly. I don't think I was 100% cleaned out (judging by the photos), but the doctor said it was great, so, fine.

Sally arrived at 11:30 and drove me to Avista hospital in Louisville. We got lost, but that was fine because we'd allowed so much extra time (it takes about 10 minutes to drive to Avista if you don't get lost, and my appointment wasn't until 12:30). We sat and chatted about books until they finally took me in, around 12:40. 

Once I was in the gown and lying on the bed, I relaxed. I'd done my part -- now they could do theirs. I tried to be extra nice to all the staff: nurse, anesthesiologist, doctor, anesthesia nurse, and the person who pushed my bed to the procedure room. Everyone was nice back. The IV hurt going in and didn't work well at first, but then the nurse put a weight on it and wrapped my hand up nice and tight and we were good. They were very interested in the fact that I have sleep apnea and I had to wear a bracelet that said SLEEP APNEA ALERT, which I thought was funny. In the procedure room I had to roll onto my left side and a moment later I was asleep and a moment after that I was waking up out of a nice dream. They used an anesthesia called Propofol that works very quickly and also stops working very quickly, plus it didn't make me nauseous.

The results of the procedure were OK. I had two small polyps in my colon, which are probably not cancerous. They were removed and will be biopsied. No sign of diverticulitis, which I was worried about. I still have Barrett's esophagus but it doesn't sound like it's gotten much worse. They biopsied that too. I also had a small stricture which was making it hard to swallow, and they removed that and biopsied it (I think). I'll get the results of all the biopsies this coming week, but I'm not worried about them. 

Ever since the procedures I've felt as though I'm nothing but a long tube stretching from my mouth to my anus. I wonder if gastroenterologists tend to think of people that way. 

So, OK, colonoscopy and endoscopy done. Check that off the list. Other things on the list that got done this week include the taxes (our preparer filed them on Thursday), and the property taxes on the cabin which I paid yesterday (mailed them a check). We are getting about $4,000 back on our taxes, so that will help pay for some of the other things on the list.

The problem is, the list is still very long. Let's see...

1. the gigantic branches in the yard, especially the one that smashed through the patio roof
2. the badly-damaged patio roof itself and the opening that leads to the attic
   
3. the house roof, hiring an inspector to check it for damage from all the branches (can't really do this until the branches are gone)
   
4. the missing bathroom door
5. the back storm door, which has mostly stopped opening, making it very difficult to go out into the backyard and look at the gigantic branches, which I feel the need to do constantly.
   
6. finding a dentist (our dentist flaked out and no one in Boulder who takes our insurance is accepting new patients).
7. whether or not to start taking Mounjaro, and when -- my current plan is to wait until I get the results of all the biopsies, but what will my decision be then?
   
8. the files and piles of papers in the desk room that I need to deal with before the end of the school year
9. the HVAC repairs on the rental house next door -- getting estimates, scheduling the work, paying for it...
   
10. Teen A's transition from IEP to 504 -- the meeting keeps being put off, but is currently scheduled for April 26th.
11. the furnace -- this is a new one -- it keeps trying to turn on and then giving up. Currently I am dealing with this by turning the thermostat lower every time I hear the furnace struggling. Probably not a long-term solution -- it's warm right now, but it's only April.
12. I discovered today that a big branch of the junipers on the west side of the house has half-broken off, completely blocking the path from the back to the front of the house on that side.
    
13. not sure, but I'll leave this as a placeholder for whatever I'm forgetting
    

OK. Some of this is being worked on. Rocket Boy called a tree trimmer and they are going to come out and look at the yard next Friday.

Also, Rocket Boy is coming! I forced him to make a plane reservation over the phone on Thursday (got a wonderfully cheap fare), so he is flying out on April 27th and staying until May 4th. A full week to work on all the nonsense. I plan to go to bed with a nervous breakdown while he's here, just let him try to fix everything while I pass out. (Probably not a workable plan.)

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to his arrival. EVERYTHING KEEPS FALLING APART AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. And also, it will be nice to see him.

I'm supposed to be working on the bathroom door problem before he comes (he doesn't like the idea of using a bathroom with no door), but I'm currently unable to do so. Just the thought of calling an unknown handyman and explaining the situation -- plus the fact that we have a replacement door but the hinges are on the wrong side and would they be willing to try to make it work -- makes me queasy and panicky.

I did just have a thought -- the door on our front closet has the hinges on the correct side (I think), and it's the right size. I wonder if we could turn that into a bathroom door. It's an idea.

OK. Deep breath. This coming week we have a lot going on, and the kids have regular school only on Monday because of testing and because Friday is a "conference exchange day." That means I will be making lunch a lot, but hopefully they'll have less homework in the evenings, maybe just reading.

• Monday I'll spend the day cleaning and grocery shopping and generally getting ready for the book group.
• Tuesday I have my parent support group from 11 to 1 and then the book group at 7 pm. The kids are off school that day and will be hanging around, hindering rather than helping.
  
• Wednesday I have to take both cats to get their nails clipped at 11 (this is important -- I am covered with scratches from both of them). The kids have to take the PSAT that day, from I think 9 to 12, after which they'll be home.
  
• Thursday I have an orthodontist appointment at 11:20. The kids are off school again.
  
• Friday the kids are off school again, Teen A has a haircut appointment at 11, Teen B has a doctor appointment at 4, and the tree trimmers are supposed to come somewhere in there.
  

It will be a busy week, but I think I am up to it. For some reason almost everything is scheduled for 11 am. That's fine. 11 am is a good time to do things. 

I remain convinced that we are in the middle of a problem time, a time when everything breaks, and we just have to keep going until it's over. It's like 1989-90, when there was one death after another in my family: my father, my brother-in-law's mother, my aunt, my grandfather, the family dog, several more distant relatives, and finally my brother-in-law's father -- and then it stopped.

Think positive. It will all be OK. Maybe. Eventually.