The joy of tea

That's a better title than "February funk," which was my first choice. Don't be so gloomy, I told myself, and so I am trying. 

But it's not going that well.

Nothing is actually wrong, I want to make that clear. I just don't have the energy or interest to do anything. I make a long to-do list every night, and then in the morning I look at it and I think -- hmm, right. 

My to-do lists have sections. We begin with something called "AM routine," which includes getting the kids off to school, feeding the cats, putting away the clean dishes from the night before, starting a load of laundry, doing a 10-minute stretching video, eating breakfast, doing the breakfast dishes, and cleaning the litter boxes (or the bathroom). 

Once all that is done I am supposed to start on the day's main activities. But I find that, these days, the "AM routine" seems to be about all I can do. I don't want to do any other cleaning, I don't want to write, I don't want to exercise, I don't want to work on the files, and I definitely don't want to work on the taxes.

What I want to do is fix myself another cup of tea, go back to bed, and read (preferably Barbara Pym, in whose novels people are always having cups of tea).

The cats think this is a really good idea too. We have been spending a lot of time in bed together, the cats and I. They don't drink tea, but my tea warms me up, and that's what they like: a warm body to snuggle up to.

I also read a good book this weekend about someone who was dying of cancer (The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs). Maybe not the best choice for someone who's depressed, but it actually made me think about getting out of bed and doing something while I can. I didn't, of course -- didn't get out of bed -- but I thought about it.

It's OK. I know this won't last forever. It's probably a perfectly reasonable reaction to February. In a couple of months it will be April and then (I hope) I will feel a burst of energy, enabling me to get things done again.

I try not to get too stressed about this. The house won't fall apart if I don't clean it for a while, and as long as I'm keeping up with dishes and laundry and the various bathrooms (cat and human), we'll be OK.

I did do some work on my new project this week: cleaning out the underwear drawer. I threw away a lot of underpants that don't fit, much as it pained me to do so -- they're so clean and new! But thrift stores don't take underpants that aren't in their original packaging, so... 

I have a real problem with panties. The only ones I can wear are old ones with stretched-out elastic. My belly is so sensitive that I just can't tolerate fresh, new elastic. I've tried buying a larger size, but I end up with baggy undies that still hurt my belly. I've tried cutting the elastic, but then the undies fall down when I go for walks. It is not fun to be walking along and feel your underwear falling down. 

So for now I'm just sticking with my old undies. I have five pairs that are shredding, four pairs that are getting little holes in them, and two that are baggy and saggy and can only be worn at home. But until I figure out another solution, this will have to be OK.

Bras in good condition can be donated to thrift stores, so I pulled out all the big, weird ones that don't fit right and put them in the donation box. That left me with four bras: the three I wear normally, all of which are falling apart, and one more -- hey, does this bra fit? I tried it on. It fit! Why haven't I been wearing this one too? Probably because it got lost way in the back of the stuffed underwear drawer. Also, it's ugly. But at this point, I don't care about ugly. I also went on eBay and ordered two more: they aren't the same style as the ones I have and love, but they're at least unlined -- I hate lined bras with a passion. We'll see when these get here, whether they'll fit or not. 

If they don't, I'll have to get serious about researching bras -- I know there are lots of brands out there now other than the old standards, but how much time and money do I want to spend on this project? Answer: none. I want this to be easy. Underwear SHOULD be easy. But nothing is easy when you're a "person of size." Stores often don't even have my size in stock, so I can't try bras on to see what fits. Have to order online and then deal with whatever arrives.

I still have a bunch of stuff to go through (read: throw out) in that drawer: slips and pettipants and random things like that. Maybe this week.

We actually have a lot to do this coming week. Tuesday night is Teen B's band concert. Wednesday at noon I might go to a talk -- not sure -- depends on my mood -- and Wednesday night is book group. Thursday I see my dietician, and Saturday the twins both have haircut appointments.

The weather should be OK, but chilly. The highs each day are supposed to be in the upper 40s, with lows in the 20s, which means it'll be in the 20s and 30s all morning, and then for a few hours in the afternoon it'll be in the 40s and then it'll get cold again. The snow won't melt, much. This isn't even this week's snow -- we got a couple of inches on Saturday, but not much. No, this snow is from the first weekend of February, the 9 inches of heavy wet snow that turned into concrete overnight and has just stayed there ever since. I look out the window at it, or stand on the porch gazing at it, and I think, nope, don't want to deal with that. Back inside.

Someday it will be April, and then even May. When I have trouble going to sleep I think about what I'm going to plant in May.