The ups and downs of December

Last Sunday I felt on top of things, today I feel mostly on top of things, but much of this past week was not like that. That's the way December goes, up and down and around. 

On the plus side, the snow is melting. Look at those 7.5 inches go! It's supposed to be sunny and clear from now until next Saturday. I know this is bad, climate change, etc., but it's so much easier to do Christmas if the weather's good. So much easier to do everything, really. In January and February we try to slow down, don't do much, ably assisted by the bad weather. But in December there are so many things to do!

Let's do a quick review of holiday tasks/activities and how they're coming along.

Cards, calendars, etc. All done, and we received five this week. Rocket Boy asked me to email him the "holiday letter" so he could print it out and include it in the cards that go to his family in Germany. I always wonder what his relatives think of that letter. They thank us for it and say it's so interesting. I picture them rolling their eyes at each other. (That may not be fair.)

I also got the family-photo calendar made, with GREAT difficulty -- that used up three days this week. Note to self: make the calendar in NOVEMBER next year (I'll probably forget).

Decorations. The dollhouse is now fully decorated for Christmas, with various trees, presents under the tree, the miniature Advent calendar and miniature Advent wreath set up, a wreath on the door (it's an old wreath pin of my mother's), and a fence with lights on it in the yard. I put all eleven dolls to bed for now -- I'll get them up closer to Christmas.

The Christmas tree, on the other hand, made my life miserable this week. On Thursday (after finishing the calendar on Wednesday) I decided it was now or never, and I opened the lights box.

Several hours later, after an emergency trip to McGuckin's for more lights, I decided it was the best I could do, blew up at the kids, didn't make dinner, and went in my room to sulk for the evening. Merry Christmas!

On Friday I added the ornaments. And now it looks OK, I think. There are three strings of multicolored lights on it, plus one string of green lights, and the green lights make the whole tree look creepily, eerily green. But it's OK. I don't care. The tree is done.

We lit Hanukkah candles for 7 nights but missed the last night (Thursday) because I was sulking. It's OK. We'll light 3 Advent candles tonight.

Entertainment. I listened to two Christmas CDs while putting the ornaments on the tree! The book group comes on Tuesday.

Food. Cookie baking has begun. I made date crunch yesterday and they turned out soooo good. I ate two and then said ENOUGH. We are not making these cookies for me. Today I am supposed to be making candy cane cookies but have not actually started yet except for putting the butter in the microwave (the warmest part of the house) to soften. I will start soon. OK, the butter got too soft (it's the lights under the microwave that do it), so I hurriedly put the dough together and now it's chilling in the fridge. Hope I haven't ruined it.

Presents, shopping. I meant to do a little more shopping this week, but it didn't happen. It's OK. I've done enough, except the gift card for Rocket Boy's brother and anything I think of at the last minute. Everything's wrapped too.

Giving. I didn't manage to take the trombone mouthpiece to the music repair store. I will try to take it in this week.

Travel. Rocket Boy still plans to leave Thursday, get here Friday night. Fingers crossed.

Reading. I'm reading my planned December books, alternating with more Christmassy books.

Homework. The kids' finals are this coming week. I'm breaking up today into half-hour segments and they can ask for my help during any half hour they choose. So far I've taken Teen A driving (Teen B drove yesterday) and helped him finish his project for Language Arts, and I sat nearby supportively while Teen B filled out his index card for his math final. Still to do today: German for Teen B and social studies for Teen A.

Writing. I sacrificed my writing time to Christmas this week, and perhaps that's part of what made me cross. Monday through Wednesday I spent my writing time working on the calendar, Thursday was the tree plus I had a morning appointment, and Friday finally I gave myself 30 minutes to write. I'll try to do better this week. I'm unhappy when I don't get this time to myself.

Yardwork. Did nothing this week -- no fallen aspen sawing, no snow shoveling. Also did not go for any walks, because the weather was nasty for much of the week (it warmed up on Friday). Today I finally went for a walk: 27 minutes, 1.24 miles. I will try to take a walk every day this week, while the warm weather holds.

Cleaning. I did a little cleaning, but again, most of my time was sacrificed to the calendar and the tree. And this coming week will be cookies. I should have a little time for cleaning, though.

Self care. Hmm. I saw the gastroenterology PA on Tuesday, and that was probably responsible for my mood the rest of the week. She scheduled me for a colonoscopy & endoscopy -- but not until April, because she said I am too fat to have it done at the usual place and must have it done at a hospital. So then we had to talk about how fat I am. She tried to convince me to take Ozempic (as if I'd never heard of it): "It'll get rid of all your other problems, you won't have to take pills for blood pressure or diabetes or..." I explained that I had taken a similar drug and couldn't tolerate it. She shook her head, obviously not believing me. She told me I need to start taking omeprazole again, for heartburn, even though the dietary enzymes I'm taking seem to have taken care of that problem for now: "We're going to need to have a serious talk about this."

I thought to myself, I don't ever have to see you again if I don't want to. And I don't.

On Wednesday I took my car in and was told the power steering pump had failed. They replaced it, to the tune of just over $1000. Thing is, when I picked it up, it was still making the same moaning, squealing sound. I drove with it for a couple of days and then on Friday called the garage back and asked why it was still making the noise. They scolded me for waiting two days and told me to bring it back on Monday. Rocket Boy, when he heard about it, also scolded me. The thing is, shouldn't the garage have noticed that they hadn't fixed the problem? Is everything my fault?

On Thursday I saw my dietician and almost burst into tears when I told her about the GI appointment. She was very nice about it -- she's a Health At Every Size (HAES) practitioner, so she doesn't blame everything on weight. I said to her, "I'm sorry, I know you're not my therapist," and she said, "Well, yes, but I work in this field and it's a huge issue for many of our clients." I told her about when I was pregnant with the twins (and fat), all the medical practitioners I saw were nice to me, but now that I'm old and fat, with more problems, all medical practitioners seem to hate me. She looked sad.

You know, I get it. Being fat leads to problems (diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, etc.), which in turn lead to even worse problems (heart trouble, kidney trouble, etc.). But I don't see that as a reason to get mad at me. It's just a fact: I'm fat, so that leads to other things. It just gives us things to watch for, like if I had worked with asbestos, we would be watching for lung cancer. But people have this attitude that if you're fat, it's your fault, and if you stopped eating so much, you pig, you wouldn't be fat. (Or, now, you should take Ozempic even if it makes you terribly sick, because who cares if you're sick as long as you're not fat.) The GI nurse helping the PA actually said to me, "If you lose weight before April, tell us." I said, disbelieving, "How much weight?" She said, "Oh, I don't know, it's based on BMI," but she didn't bother to tell me what the BMI cut-off was. Not that it matters...

If I hadn't had that experience on Tuesday, I probably would have gone for a walk as soon as the weather warmed up, i.e., Friday. I probably wouldn't have gotten quite so angry at the tree and wouldn't have upset my kids. How can people think it is beneficial to criticize fat people for being fat?

***

OK, so last week was kind of crummy, but the week ahead looks better, no? Basically it looks like this:

• Make a different kind of cookie every day until I get tired of baking. I've got eight varieties on a list posted on the fridge. I don't need to make all eight.
• Help the kids through finals. 
• Hopefully get the car's problem solved.
• Host the book group on Tuesday night (some of the cookies are for them).
• Take the trombone mouthpiece to the music repair shop.
  
• Clean, here and there.
• Make dinner every night.
• Give myself time to write every day (if possible).
• Take a walk every day.
  

I think it looks pretty good. No nasty appointments to upset me, just taking the car in again (sigh) and the book group coming. And at the end of the week, Rocket Boy's arrival.

Oh, I almost forgot the best thing that happened this week! On Tuesday, the otherwise rotten day, I had just woken the twins (at 7:30 am) and gone out to the kitchen to start the tea and put away the clean dishes in the drying rack. Looking out the kitchen window I saw movement: what looked like an extremely large cat was on the back fence, and as I watched, it climbed into the maple tree. 

And as I watched I realized it had no tail (or at least not a long cat tail). Thoughts flickered through my brain: mountain lion? No, too small, and they have long tails. Lynx? No, too small. It's a bobcat! "Bobcat!" I screamed, waking up the twins who had fallen back to sleep. "A bobcat in our backyard!" I tried to take a picture with my phone, but it turned out blurry. Then I went to the door, to go out and scare it away (or see it better -- both sounded like good options), and there was a bobcat on the back fence on the other side of the yard! Staring at me. It was so beautiful. But did the bobcat jump out of the tree and run to the other side of the yard? Or was it a second bobcat? I will never know, but people in the neighborhood have reported seeing two bobcats together recently.

Anyway, this photo was taken by a neighbor. Just looks like a lump on a fence, but I assure you, it was an amazingly beautiful creature.