Late September

We're down to the last week of September and I feel like the month went by very quickly. But I guess plenty of little things happened. Five more days until October -- and the stores are sure ready for that month to begin. Halloween everywhere. I bought some little pumpkins and a Halloween three-tiered candy dish at Target a few weeks ago -- now finally they won't look out of place. Isn't the bird on top nice? Of course the bird is why I bought it.

Last night, toward the end of my walk, I headed down 33rd Street toward home, past a woman putting up Halloween decorations. It was getting fairly dark and I could hear a great-horned owl nearby. Seeing me, the woman called out, "I'm decorating for Halloween and there's an owl hooting!" She sounded so pleased. I said something inane like "Can't beat that." Then I went a little further down the street and hooted back at the owl. Great-horned owl is the ONE bird I can reliably imitate. The owl and I hooted back and forth at each other as I walked down the street.

I continue to feel physically good, though sleepy -- I seem to need more and more sleep as the nights get longer. Last night I was reading and just couldn't put the book down, because I needed to take it back to the library today and wanted to read as much of it as possible before relinquishing it. So I ended up turning my light off at 1:30 am, something that I've been TRYING not to do anymore. And I woke up at 10 am! But I sure felt rested. Tonight I'll try to turn off the light by 11:30, maybe earlier. I've been doing that a lot recently and it does help. 

It wasn't a productive week, but I got everything done that I had planned -- Teen B's medical appointments on Monday, breakfast with my traveling cousin and his wife on Tuesday, Teen A's orthodontist appointment on Wednesday, and a school-related meeting for Teen B on Thursday. And that's about it, except for some cooking -- I made a big pot of chili which fed us for a few nights, and later in the week I baked a batch of cookies. Oh, and I did finally get one other important thing done. Friday afternoon I took the broken vacuum cleaner to a new vacuum repair shop. It works like a dream now, better than I remember it working in years. So this coming week I plan to do some serious vacuuming. 

I was so frightened to go to the shop, it was awful. I had called the previous week and found out when they were open and what to do, but actually doing it was dreadful. I was sure they would laugh at me, criticize me for doing something wrong, tell me the vacuum wasn't fixable, try to sell me an expensive new one... there seemed to be no end to the terrible things that might happen if I set foot inside the shop. As I drove across town I tried desperately to think about how I was doing a good thing, and the store would surely want my business. And as it turned out, there was no hard sell, no criticism, and the guy fixed it on the spot. He replaced the belt, cleaned the brush, and I also bought some vacuum cleaner bags, but the total cost was less than $20. I thought, "How can a store stay alive in Boulder charging so little?" I was glad I'd been their customer that day. 

But I wish I could figure out how not to be so afraid.

Speaking of being afraid, since Halloween is on its way, I decided to get some scary books from the library. I've been reading a whole series of depressing books by and about Indians (there will be another Classics Challenge blog post in a few days) and I decided after I finish the current book I will take a break and focus on Halloween. So I looked on the library website and searched up Halloween books (with the Audience category set to "adult" or "general" -- we have enough children's books about the holiday). All it came up with were silly cozy mysteries with a Halloween theme (a seemingly endless list), a few books by Ray Bradbury which of course I've read, and some nonfiction. So I went for the nonfiction -- books about witches and supernatural "true" crime books and a book on the history of Halloween. Add to that some supernatural mysteries and regular mysteries and a ghost book or two, and it should be a pleasant reading month.

I cannot seem to shake my current depression, so I'm trying to live with it. This past week was the anniversary of Chester's death last year, and though I didn't do anything to observe it, it's possible that sadness from that pervaded my thoughts this week. 

Life is sad. Cats die, dogs die. People we love die, of old age and cancer and of Covid because they believed other people's lies about the vaccines. Politicians make stupid decisions that affect people's lives and the health of the planet. People get furiously angry at each other because of politics. People shoot and kill each other for no other reason than that they have a gun and decide to use it. And, less dramatically, Rocket Boy lives in Missouri, where we can't take care of him, and he's missing what's left of the twins' childhood. And another year is ending. Life is sad.

But I know it's not the only way to look at things. It's possible to have all these things be true and still not be sad. You can look at everything that's wrong and say, well, it's unfortunate, but hey, I woke up again today and it's a beautiful day and I'm happy to be alive in it. And let's see what we can do today to make things better.

So that's always the goal -- try to feel that way, not the other way. Sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. It's always a good idea to aim to be nice to other people (and cats) and also to try to get some things done, like dishes and laundry and long walks among the changing leaves. 

One nice thing: Teen B sometimes goes for my walks with me. Sometimes both twins go, but that's usually only after I talk them into it. But Teen B is starting to want to talk to me more, so he joins me on my walks in order to tell me what happened in science or PE that day. No confessions: he doesn't have anything terribly important to tell me. He just wants to share. It's adorable. I can't tell him how adorable it is, because then he'll stop doing it.

There's very little on the agenda for the week ahead. Priscilla's 4th birthday is Wednesday, so we'll have a little party for her, poor kitty. I actually bought her a special present on Etsy. She likes to sleep on an old dog bed that we have -- it never belonged to a dog -- I think it came from a free pile, or possibly a thrift store, and Teen B used to have it on his bed as a pillow until it got too ratty (and the bed got too crowded) and was banished to the living room floor. I thought about getting Sillers a new bed, but then I thought maybe a new cover for the existing bed would be simpler. So I ordered a handmade pink fleece cover from a crafter on Etsy, because Sillers likes pink. I haven't taken it out of the package yet, because I don't want her to see it, that's how crazy I am.

Anyway, on Wednesday we'll open it up and put it on the dog bed, and hopefully Priscilla will like it. I'll also get or make a little cake, which of course she won't eat. Should be fun. 

Other than that, I don't know. Just an ordinary week. I'll work on the novel, study my master to-do list. Maybe in next Sunday's blog I'll come up with some plans for the last quarter of the year, like I used to do. For now I'm just going to plan to get through the week, nothing special except the cat's birthday party. Keep on keeping on, waiting for the sadness to dissipate and blow away.