Cold snap

It's really really cold here, as it is across most of the country. This morning when I went out to get the paper it was -11 on our front porch thermometer -- I forgot to take a photo until later, so this shows it at only about -7. Fiercely cold air, extremely refreshing. After fetching the paper I decided to shovel the walks, since the snow had almost stopped. We only got a few inches, and it's like sugar, or maybe even powdered sugar -- such tiny granules, so light and dry. When I pushed the shovel along, the powder didn't clump together like it's supposed to, it just tumbled off the shovel, so I had to keep going back and re-doing sections of sidewalk. And when I tossed a shovelful onto the lawn, it didn't toss properly, it sort of floated in the air, only some of it landing on the lawn. Still, much easier to deal with than heavy, wet snow.

The sun came out later, though, and we are up to -4 (supposedly 2 elsewhere in the neighborhood). No melting, obviously, but the sun on our windows helps warm up the house. Tonight, it's supposed to get down to -9 (which means probably -12 or less on our porch). We are lucky to have a snug little house and a good furnace. Tomorrow's high is predicted to be 25, so I will get out and about -- take my next-door neighbor (whose car battery has died) to the auto supply store and perhaps the grocery store, and I have a doctor's appointment in the late afternoon.

But today I am just being a slug, as are the twins, as usual. Rocket Boy sent us two boxes of chocolates -- which I so didn't need, but it's nice to be remembered with chocolate on Valentine's Day. He also sent a nice card. I sent him a card too, which I thought hadn't arrived in time, but I just talked to him and he said he found it (it was in the mailbox of the people who live in the apartment below him). So I'm happy about that.

The chocolates are from an old St. Louis candy store called Merb's, because I complained about the Russell Stover's chocolate he's been buying when he drives through Kansas City. Raised on See's, I really dislike Russell Stover's. The Merb's chocolate is pretty good, though not as good as See's. I have already had way too much of it.

Speaking of eating too much chocolate and needing to eat better -- that's a clumsy transition, but OK -- this was a big healthcare week for me, beginning on Monday with a surprise phone call from my dentist's office. They had an opening on Tuesday -- would I like it? Oh, yes, I would, thank you so much. So on Tuesday I had my first cleaning in about a year, and what a wonderful feeling that was. They discovered that an old filling had broken off, so back I went on Wednesday and they replaced it. My dentist also gave me a referral to an orthodontist, because my teeth have been moving around in inappropriate ways. 

Then on Thursday I had my much-dreaded physical with my new doctor, and it wasn't (of course) as bad as I'd feared. It's funny -- I'd seen photographs of this doctor and had taken a dislike to her based on them (as well as, of course, on my anxieties). But when I finally met her, of course she was wearing a mask and looked completely different. I liked her immediately. So silly. 

I have to go back and see her tomorrow, though, because we had so many things to talk about that we didn't make it through everything in the first appointment. Also, hopefully by then she'll have my lab results and we can talk about them. But we already know that something's wrong, because my blood pressure was sky high. I can't remember the exact numbers, but I think it started at something like 145/90 and then went down to maybe 132/88 by the end of the appointment -- but those are all terrible numbers and by far the worst I've ever had. I assume it's caused by my weight, and maybe not enough exercise, but I suspect there will be blood pressure medicine in my future and I am sad about that. Almost certainly there will also be diabetes medicine in my future, but we'll know more after the bloodwork comes back.

I do wonder whether having to take a lot of medications might finally get me to lose weight, but I don't know. Even when I am truly motivated to lose weight, I don't seem to be able to do it anymore, and if I do lose a little, it comes right back on. 

On the other hand, she urged me to reduce my intake of salty foods and I haven't had a potato chip since Thursday, nor do I feel deprived. I have, however, had a large intake of Valentine's chocolate. Oh, sigh.

Anyway, I'm glad that I finally saw a doctor, but not at all glad to find out that there are serious problems to be dealt with. Why can't I just have a heart attack and die in my sleep? OK, that was a terrible thing to say, just awful. What would two babies do? Must get my health problems under control and NOT die in my sleep, at least not for 20 years or so. Will two babies be able to manage without me in 20 years? They will be 32, almost 33. Hmm.

In addition to going back to see this new primary care physician again tomorrow, I have a lot of other appointments I'm supposed to be making. Here is the list:

• Orthodontist, if I decide to go forward with this. I probably should at least talk to them. Then it will turn out to be too expensive and I can forget about it.
  
• Dermatologist, because I mentioned that I'd had a squamous cell cancer removed a couple of years ago. "Are you having yearly skin checks?" she asked. "Should I be?" I asked. She looked at me like I was crazy. "Once you have one skin cancer, you should always be checked regularly." At Kaiser, it was less often, I think. They told me I should be checked -- was it every six months? -- and if nothing was found after a year I could drop down to every two years? Something like that. I had one full body exam and then "forgot" to have any others.
  
• Ophthalmologist, to get my eyes checked before getting new glasses.
  
• Radiology place for a mammogram.
• Vet to get Merlin's toenails clipped.

I tried to work on this list on Friday and it was too overwhelming. I finally called the vet on Saturday and they didn't answer, so that was the end of that. I'll try again on Monday. I should probably choose one phone call per day, because this is a very scary list.

Speaking of scary, let's do a quick coronavirus update. Despite the fact that cases are continuing to drop, there were still a lot of deaths this week, though some had occurred at earlier dates and were just being reported now. So the numbers are iffy, but here they are: last week at this time 462,619 people in the U.S. had died of the virus, and as of today, 484,621 people have died, a total of 22,002 this week for an average of 3143 each day. That is truly terrible, but maybe this week will be better. At this rate we will have passed 500,000 before next Sunday, but I have hope that things will slow down a little. The vaccines have got to start making a difference.

We are now almost 3/4 of the way through a wonderful four-day weekend, and I am feeling sad because I didn't get much done. I was planning to do all the prep work for our taxes, I was planning to work with the kids on catching up with schoolwork (we did do some math yesterday), I was planning to finally take the Christmas tree down and put everything away. Oh, yes, the Christmas tree. Merlin has knocked it down so many times and pulled out so many branches that I finally gave up and left it in a heap. We call it the Christmas bush, since the lights still come on automatically every night at 5:30 (and go off at 11:30).

This is really pathetic, I know.

Well, it's a new week ahead, so let's make plans.

• Cook dinner with one twin. It's Kid A's turn this week. Last week Kid B and I made "Taco Dogs" -- horrible tacos with sliced fried hot dogs as the meat. He wanted to make cupcakes for dessert and we finally got them made on Friday (as if we needed more sweets in the house).
  
• Take walks and lift weights. I was doing well on walks, but this weather is pretty daunting. Maybe later in the week I'll go out again. We're supposed to gradually warm up. The weight lifting, on the other hand, I am totally failing at. Try, try again.
  
• Bake something. Probably not, unless I make that banana bread. What we really need are vegetables, not baked goods.
  
• Watch a movie or play a game with the kids. I was sure we would do this at some point this weekend, but so far it hasn't happened. Maybe tonight?
  
• Blog. I'm doing it...
  
• Deal with the trash, compost... It's compost this week. Probably won't rake any leaves!
  
• Pay bills and save money. Next Friday I'll pay the first half of the property taxes for the rental house. Looking forward to that -- very satisfying.
  
• Work on the taxes. My plan to work on the files and piles of paper in the office has turned into tax preparation, which was supposed to be made easier by the filing -- but since the filing hasn't happened, now the focus is all on the taxes. It's fine, it's fine, don't stress about failure, just move on and get this done.
  
• Clean something. This week is supposed to be the bedrooms. What I'd like to do is clean off the top of my dresser, which has gotten impossible again. I'm not sure about the twins' room, will have to think about it.
• Medical stuff. Go to my appointment tomorrow, get to work on whatever the doctor and I decide as a plan. Make those phone calls, or at least some of them.
• Reading. Read some more chapters of the Lincoln bio (I'm trying to get to page 495 this month and I am only on 323 -- need to get serious about this). Also, I'm just about ready to start the Classics Challenge -- maybe that could happen this week too. I keep changing my mind about what books to read.
  

One thing that's been completely set aside recently is writing, and that makes me sad. If I could get my other tasks done more efficiently I would have time to write. But everything is such a source of anxiety for me. The dishes are a source of anxiety. The laundry is a source of anxiety. The litter boxes are a source of anxiety. And then there are those phone calls. I spend -- easily -- 3/4 of my time being anxious (and watching impeachment trials on the NY Times website, stuff like that). Then in the 1/4 that is left, I work on laundry and dishes. I tell myself that this is a choice. I could choose to get things done more quickly and efficiently.

I wonder if that's true, or maybe I need to be on some sort of anti-anxiety medicine. Oh, please, no. 

Well, this week (if all goes well) the twins will go to school on both Thursday and Friday, and I'll get some time to myself. That does help. Maybe I'll get a little more done. We'll see.