Trudging along

Another November Sunday. Our snow from last week has melted, and we're in the low 50s, but now we have high winds. Friday night there was a wind gust of 79.6 mph up at NCAR (on the hill above us), and at 6:15 pm yesterday there was one that registered 74.3 mph. The winds have died down a bit this afternoon, but not enough -- we had another 50 mph gust a few minutes ago. Our huge Siberian elm has been dropping limbs like a champ -- whoosh! in the bushes! whoosh! on the shed! whoosh! in the side yard! whoosh! on the roof! 

Yesterday morning I went out to find a gigantic branch STUCK in a big overgrown clump of pfitzers. It was so heavy, and had fallen so hard, that I couldn't pull it out. I got the idea to twist it, and finally I was able to pull it free. Once it was free, though, it was pointed the wrong direction for being pulled through the gate to the front yard. So I had to drag this humongous thing around the yard until I finally got it headed the right way. I was wearing gloves, so I didn't hurt my hands, but my calves were exposed (in 30-degree weather, yes, I know) and they are now covered with little cuts and scrapes. This morning there was another branch down, not quite so large. I made the twins come out to "help" me, but in the end I dragged it to the front yard by myself. "Ooo, it's cold!" screeched the wimpy twins, running back into the house. I threw the latest branch on the pile with all the others that have come down since September. And then, about 1 pm, a gigantic truck came down our street and picked up our branches.

They left all the leaves that had gotten stuck in the branch pile, many of them (I'm sure) from other people's lawns. As the truck drove off down the street, another gust of wind blew many of the leaves across the street and down the block after them. Probably by tomorrow they'll all be gone -- no need to rake them up. Yesterday I found an Amazon box (empty) addressed to someone three blocks to the west of us. We probably have some of their leaves, too.

Another Sunday, another enormous coronavirus death total. Last week it was 237,875, today it is 245,777. That's 7902 for the week, or roughly 1129 deaths per day. If it gets a little worse, we'll reach 300,000 deaths by the end of the year. Of course, the number of cases is going through the roof, so this is still a small percentage, but come on. So many people are sick, so many people are dying. There's a vaccine, we think, but when can people get it? Meanwhile, people continue to die. Most of them are older, 70s 80s 90s. I'm older. I'm 60 (and I'm fat). Rocket Boy is 66. My older sister is 71. I have cousins in their 80s. 

So we continue to wear masks and social distance and watch things shut down. The kids' school has now shut down completely again, until at least January 5th. I am so sad about that, but with what the kids told me, I think it was the right decision. They went to school this week, on Thursday and Friday, and they said there were only about four kids in each of their classes. Is it worth keeping the middle school open for four kids per class? Most people are keeping their kids home. Might as well close down. We have one more week before Thanksgiving break (Rocket Boy shows up on Friday for a one week visit). Then three weeks in December before the two-week Winter break. Then we'll see.

Last Sunday, feeling blue, I thought I might like to "go to church" (i.e., watch a service online). I'm trying to find support wherever I can -- currently I'm attending an online grief group and an online parenting group each month. So I searched the web and found a local church that sounded promising (Open & Affirming, eco-friendly, pro Black Lives Matter, etc.). I was nervous about signing into the Zoom service, however, because I thought people might see me/my name. I only wanted to do this if I could be completely anonymous. So I poked around on their website and discovered they post their services online. I watched the November 1st service and felt very good afterwards.

This week I thought I might be a little braver and attend the actual service, but when I started to sign in, sure enough, it was a regular Zoom call and they wanted me to connect my camera and microphone. Too scary! I quickly signed off, studied the website some more, and confirmed that yes, if I "attended" services, my picture or my name (in big white letters on a black screen) would show, and if someone else on the call knew me, they would recognize me/it -- and that seemed way too embarrassing. (What if someone called me afterwards and said, "I saw you at church today!" I would just die.) So I went back to the page with the recorded sermons and watched the November 8th service. The pastor started out with a quote from Mother Teresa: "Not all of us can do great things, but all of us can do small things with great love." And I started to cry. Again, I watched the whole thing and felt better afterwards. The sermon was about how we can approach becoming a whole country again, which is something I've been thinking about a lot since the election.

Now I'm watching the website to see when they post the new services, to try to figure out whether I could actually watch next Sunday's recorded service on Sunday. It's now 3 pm and the service isn't up yet -- maybe they're posted later in the week. I have a feeling I'm going to have to stay one week behind if I can't get brave enough for Zoom. Another possibility would be to use one of the kids' Chromebooks. Not embarrassing (to me) to have one of their names showing. And I could turn off the camera. Hmm, it's a thought. 

Well, Rocket Boy will be with us in five days. The house is a pigsty -- I haven't been following my cleaning schedule since he left. I do the laundry, I clean the kitchen, I grocery shop and cook, I supervise school, I read to the twins, I read to myself. I don't seem to be able to do anything else. I haven't even put away the Halloween stuff yet, although much of it is gathered on a table. Just need to transfer it into the Halloween storage boxes. Can it really be that hard? This week I'll try to do a bit of cleaning each day, so the house isn't quite so horrible looking when he arrives. It won't be great, but every little bit makes things a little less horrible. My new motto.