Quiet Mother's Day

So, Rocket Boy left four days ago -- we've talked to him on the phone every night -- and today is Mother's Day. Longtime readers of my old blogs know that this is not my favorite day of the year, in fact I often get very unhappy on this day. I don't feel appreciated, nobody does things for me (or not the right things), I spend a lot of time thinking about what a bad mother I am.

But today, surprisingly, has been fine. I've felt very peaceful all day, despite not doing anything special. I woke up around 6:30, finally got up around 7:45 to feed the cats, and let the kids have their usual computer time from about 8 to 10. Rocket Boy usually sleeps in on the weekends, which means that I usually sit in the kitchen or living room during that time and read the paper or a book. Which is fine. But today, since he wasn't here, I could get dressed and then climb back into bed to drink tea, read, and work on puzzles, which felt much more luxurious. When the twins finally shut down their computers, they ate a reasonably healthy breakfast (leftovers for Kid B, grapes for Kid A) while we discussed how to spend the day.

Rocket Boy had gotten me a Mother's Day card, but lost it -- and for that, I do not blame him at all. It is undoubtedly packed somewhere, or stashed somewhere, and it will turn up either here or in St. Louis someday. I like knowing that I have a card, even though no one knows where it is. He also bought chocolates, and they're in the mail, possibly arriving tomorrow. We'll enjoy them when they get here. In lieu of cards and chocolates, I decided to do a load of laundry and clean the kitchen. No, this was not me trying to make myself feel bad on my special day. I actually wanted to clean the kitchen. I've been doing a good job of keeping up with things since RB left -- OK, it's only been four days, but that's a good start, don't you think? A lot of things in the kitchen need some extra attention, which I am trying to give them gradually. Each day when I clean I choose one small thing that has been ignored for a long time and deal with that.

The one task we needed to accomplish today was to buy Kid B new sneakers, and for that I like to go to Nordstrom at the Flatirons Crossing mall, even though they don't have a very good selection, because they still have people in the shoe department who will check the fit and make recommendations. So around 1 pm we drove there and found Kid B some blue Nikes that he didn't actually LIKE, but that fit (even a little loose, which is good because he's growing), so we bought them. And then we walked around the mall a little, went into some stores, and got a treat at the food court. I also bought them some candy, but I refused to buy MORE candy at another store. I do have my limits. Occasionally, when they were being bratty, I reminded them that it was Mother's Day. But mostly we had a pleasant time.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and then everyone was tired and wanted to crash. But after a short break I went out to do one more errand -- the one thing I really wanted to do on Mother's Day -- buy some flowers to plant in the front yard. The kids were watching a movie, so I went by myself, and I didn't mind that at all. When I go with the family we always end up getting pink flowers, or orange flowers, or something else I don't want. On my own I could pick exactly what I wanted. I got petunias in two shades of purple, dark blue lobelia, and yellow marigolds (Rocket Boy's favorite flower). I will probably go back and get more another day, but this is a good start.

And now I have to fix dinner. Which is a bummer. But we ate out yesterday at Noodles, and anyway, Mother's Day is not a great day to go to a restaurant. I'll probably just make soup and bread and it will be OK.

I probably shouldn't conclude anything from my experiences today -- this is a weird time, and probably I have so much on my mind I just don't care about Mother's Day this year. But it also made me wonder whether my usual bad mood on Mother's Day is actually resentment and anger directed at Rocket Boy, for not doing enough for me or not making me feel like a good mother or some other nonsense like that. I don't know. Something to consider next year, or the next time he's home on one of my special days. If he ever is again.