The last week of school

I swore I was going to write a blog post this weekend, and here we are, down to the last 56 minutes of Memorial Day weekend, but I'm doing it. It'll just be a recap of the week, no philosophizing.

So let's see, what all happened this past week.

Monday, the 20th, my book group came. My broken toe and Pie Bear's cancer and everything combined to leave me with a dirtier house than usual, but I didn't cancel because I wanted the company (and sympathy). And only two people ended up coming (one went out of town unexpectedly, one forgot). While we chatted about this and that, even the book, a little, it began to snow. Yes, on May 20/21 we had a heavy, wet snow. I felt this was really uncalled for, especially since I had just planted all my front-yard flowers. I brought the smaller pots onto the porch, covered the big pot with plastic, and hoped for the best.

Tuesday, the 21st, Rocket Boy flew in for a very brief visit. We didn't meet his plane because I didn't want to drive to the airport in stormy rush-hour traffic, but the trusty AB bus got him here pretty quickly. There are two AB buses now, and the one he caught doesn't go down Broadway, so the twins and I picked him up at the Table Mesa Park 'n' Ride, where I got honked at by another bus. It was fine, lovely to have him home, and almost all the snow had melted by the time he got here.

Wednesday, the 22nd, was the continuation ceremony. We had a bit of trouble getting out of the house on time and we did forget one or two things, but it was fine. I loved every bit of the ceremony. Each of the 40-odd 5th graders read a short speech -- talking about their memories of elementary school and their hopes for the future. I cried through most of that. Then they walked across the stage to receive their certificates of continuation (the photo shows the principal shaking Kid B's hand, with Kid A lined up behind him. It occurs to me that they'll sit next to each other and walk up to get their diplomas one after the other for their middle school and high school graduations too (assuming they go to the same high school, which they probably will). That's what twins do.

A special part of the ceremony for me was when they gave out flowers to people who'd done a lot of volunteer work through the years, and I was given a bouquet. And then the choir sang and all the kids played a song on the ukelele (Kid A is playing the pink one in the front row). After the ceremony we had cake and talked to people. I met the mom of one of Kid B's friends. All the parents who've been right along with us since kindergarten -- and it's a high percentage, maybe 2/3 of the class? -- smiled and said wasn't it lovely and did you cry too? And then of course we had to go, because Rocket Boy had to catch the bus back to the airport at 1:40. He drove Kid A to his special school One Last Time, came home and threw things into his suitcase, and was out the door with no time to spare. The kids and I were sad that night.


May 23rd, Thursday, was the last day of school, and it rained again. After signing each other's yearbooks (yes, there are elementary school yearbooks, I never knew), the kids walked all the way to CU in the rain to go bowling as their final 5th grade activity. I had sent an umbrella along with Kid B, but Kid A had no rain gear and was forced by his teacher to wear a plastic garbage bag (which he took off as soon as they started walking). The photo shows Kid B trying to avoid having his picture taken as we walk toward the back exit across the creek for the last time.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that I may never enter that school again. We'll play on the playground of course, on warm summer evenings, but our official association with the school has ended. The boys are rising sixth graders now, rising middle schoolers. And their middle school is NOT just down the street from us. That six-year era in our lives is over. So weird.

Friday the 24th was of course a beautiful sunny day, but I had to work, so I took the twins (and their laptops) to the office with me. Kid A's computer died after less than an hour, and he hadn't brought his charger, so when my Zoom call was over, we went home. Actually we tried to go to Starbucks at the UMC first, but due to construction, all food service there is closed until August. Major bummer.

Saturday was a low-key day, just the usual errands and such. We almost always eat out on Saturdays, so we went to our neighborhood Chinese restaurant -- appropriate, since our theme this coming week is Asia (it's A week).

Sunday the 26th, we paid a visit to the annual Creek Festival downtown. I always forget how expensive that thing is, and how you really need to bring a lot of cash. The kids always want to go in these bubble things and it's $10 each! No credit cards or checks or tokens or anything except CASH. They love it, though, so I paid. I also bought them cotton candy ($7 each!!!) and then we went to the park next to the library and played there until I said it was time to go home.

And now finally today, Memorial Day, we had two major activities. We put flowers on their grandmother's grave and we went out to Gateway Fun Park and played mini-golf. It was beautiful at the cemetery, but while we were on the mini-golf course, the skies started to darken, and later, when we were inside playing arcade games, a thunderstorm crashed down.

Back at home, we decided to have a quiet rest of the day. I let the twins watch TV (MUST do something about how much they watch... except not right now) and we had grocery store sushi for dinner (more A is for Asia stuff -- but not sure the twins are noticing this).

So that was the last week and the weekend following it, and now we have a short work week ahead. I am dreading it, wondering what to do with the twins while I try to work. I've accomplished very little, work-wise, the past two weeks, and I need to do better on that score.

I said no philosophizing, so there won't be any, just this comment: I'm really sad right now. Sad that Rocket Boy isn't here, sad that school is over, sad that I have to be a single parent, sad. I hope this gets better. Rocket Boy is so happy with his new job, so excited about his paycheck (the first one is due this coming Friday), so proud to be working and earning. I'm really glad that he's happy and I don't want to mess that up. And somehow I've got to figure out a way for me to be happy too.

Surviving

Rocket Boy has been gone for 11 days and we are all still in one piece -- oh, actually that isn't true. Ha ha, funny. OK, I'm getting ahead of myself. We're all still here, me, the twins, and the cats, and we're surviving, or most of us are. It's not easy, but we're doing it. I wish it were a little easier, though.

Last week was a crazy week, special activities every day. It helped that my boss and co-worker were out of town at a conference, so I could just "work" at home (well, I did SOME work). It also helped that Kid A had special activities at his regular school both Monday and Tuesday, so I didn't have to do the commute to his afternoon special school. Tuesday was a nutty day: an 8 am meeting at the school, then my regular workday, then off to Kid A's special school for a conference in the afternoon (even though he didn't go there that day), and then a school fundraiser at Abo's Pizza in the evening.

And then came Wednesday. It started well, with the kids' last instrumental music concert of the year at 8:15 am. (Kid A is in back with the trombone section, wearing a pink shirt, and Kid B is in front with the clarinets, wearing yellow.) (I chose their shirts to be a nice contrast to the color of their instruments.) Although I wouldn't actually call the 5th grade band good, they had improved a lot since their first concert, back in December. After the concert I went back home and worked until it was time to drive Kid A to his special school.

After school, Kid B and I got ready to take Pie Bear to the vet. He's been acting ravenously hungry recently, and I've been wondering if he needs less insulin. While racing around getting ready I banged my left foot against our little cat tree/scratcher at the end of the hall (the photo shows Chester sitting on it). I smash into this fairly often, and it's always so painful. But this was really bad. "Ouch ouch ouch, oh shit, sorry, but oh my gosh, ouch!" etc.

Then I picked up the cat carrier and we were off to the vet. My foot still hurt, but I didn't realize anything was seriously wrong until I was carrying Pie from the car to the vet's office. I must have stepped down on my left foot's toes, and the pain was incredible! Oh my gosh, I think I've broken my toe.

Long long story short, yes, I had broken my toe. I called Kaiser as soon as we got home and talked to the advice nurse. She wanted me to go to Urgent Care, but the closest one is in Westminster and I found it very difficult even to drive home from the vet in rush-hour traffic. And Rocket Boy doesn't live here any more. If it had been a true emergency, I probably could have found someone to drive me, but if it had been a true emergency I probably would have called 911 and gone to the hospital. Anyway, I drove myself to Boulder Kaiser in non-rush hour traffic the next morning, had the foot x-rayed, and admired (with a PA) the clean diagonal break through my toe that the x-ray revealed. I told someone the break looked like an earthquake fault that had slipped slightly. It was impressive. So now I'm wrapping my toe with its neighbor every morning and wearing a special shoe with a hard sole whenever I go out (and much of the time in the house too), and I'm miserable.

But that's not all. At the vet appointment, while my foot felt more and more uncomfortable, we got some bad news. Pie Bear probably has cancer. The vet was examining him briskly, chatting as she went along, and when she looked in his mouth her tone of voice changed. She said, "We'll come back to that later," and I thought, uh oh. After we discussed his eating habits and his insulin, she came back to it. Pie has an ugly red growth in his mouth, where a tooth would be. I asked if it could be a diseased tooth, and she appeared to consider that, but then she said, "I don't think so." And apparently tumors like this tend to be very aggressive and resistant to treatment. She said the next step would be a biopsy and she told me to think about it after we had his blood work done. So I paid $300 and change for the appointment and tests, and went home to deal with my foot.

Kid A and I came back on Friday with Chester for HIS appointment with the vet, me limping along with my special shoe, and after discussing how Chester had managed to gain TWO POUNDS while supposedly being on a diet, I told them I want to go ahead with the biopsy for Pie. It will be expensive ($700), but that's all we'll do. They'll scoop out as much of the tumor as they can, give us some advice and expectations, and then we'll let him live until it regrows so much that it hurts him and interferes with eating and a happy life. And then we'll have him put down. Having a little more time with Pie is important, I think, because the twins are having to deal with SO many changes right now. Let's not have our cat die just right now, let's keep him a little longer. He's 14 (we've had him 11 and a half years) and he's had a hard time since the diabetes diagnosis 6 years ago. It's not a tragedy to lose him. But I wish it didn't have to be like this.

It's been getting colder, in fact I turned the heat back on yesterday after turning it off three days before. It's raining tonight (at least no snow), and is supposed to rain all day and night tomorrow. My book group is coming tomorrow night, if they make it through the storm, and I cleaned for them today (I'll do more tomorrow, too). Before the rain came, Kid A and I also mowed the lawn, and I finally planted the flowers that I bought a week ago (see photo above). Blues and purples and yellows. As for things I didn't plant, we have a bumper crop of those purple alliums, and this year some of the iris are blooming -- I don't think we had a single one last year, but this year all the purples are covered with buds and some have come into flower. I love dark purple iris, so these make me happy. And of course the city and county are awash in lilacs -- when I drive Kid A to his special school I go out in the country and I drive by these amazing lilac hedges, all in full bloom. I moved to Boulder because of the magpies, but also because there are lilacs. I learned to love lilacs in Ann Arbor and afterwards felt I could never live anywhere that didn't have them.

When we called Rocket Boy tonight, in St. Louis, he said his dad's old car is starting to have problems. It got him there, but now the brake light won't go off. Something he'll have to deal with soon. And on we go, surviving.

Quiet Mother's Day

So, Rocket Boy left four days ago -- we've talked to him on the phone every night -- and today is Mother's Day. Longtime readers of my old blogs know that this is not my favorite day of the year, in fact I often get very unhappy on this day. I don't feel appreciated, nobody does things for me (or not the right things), I spend a lot of time thinking about what a bad mother I am.

But today, surprisingly, has been fine. I've felt very peaceful all day, despite not doing anything special. I woke up around 6:30, finally got up around 7:45 to feed the cats, and let the kids have their usual computer time from about 8 to 10. Rocket Boy usually sleeps in on the weekends, which means that I usually sit in the kitchen or living room during that time and read the paper or a book. Which is fine. But today, since he wasn't here, I could get dressed and then climb back into bed to drink tea, read, and work on puzzles, which felt much more luxurious. When the twins finally shut down their computers, they ate a reasonably healthy breakfast (leftovers for Kid B, grapes for Kid A) while we discussed how to spend the day.

Rocket Boy had gotten me a Mother's Day card, but lost it -- and for that, I do not blame him at all. It is undoubtedly packed somewhere, or stashed somewhere, and it will turn up either here or in St. Louis someday. I like knowing that I have a card, even though no one knows where it is. He also bought chocolates, and they're in the mail, possibly arriving tomorrow. We'll enjoy them when they get here. In lieu of cards and chocolates, I decided to do a load of laundry and clean the kitchen. No, this was not me trying to make myself feel bad on my special day. I actually wanted to clean the kitchen. I've been doing a good job of keeping up with things since RB left -- OK, it's only been four days, but that's a good start, don't you think? A lot of things in the kitchen need some extra attention, which I am trying to give them gradually. Each day when I clean I choose one small thing that has been ignored for a long time and deal with that.

The one task we needed to accomplish today was to buy Kid B new sneakers, and for that I like to go to Nordstrom at the Flatirons Crossing mall, even though they don't have a very good selection, because they still have people in the shoe department who will check the fit and make recommendations. So around 1 pm we drove there and found Kid B some blue Nikes that he didn't actually LIKE, but that fit (even a little loose, which is good because he's growing), so we bought them. And then we walked around the mall a little, went into some stores, and got a treat at the food court. I also bought them some candy, but I refused to buy MORE candy at another store. I do have my limits. Occasionally, when they were being bratty, I reminded them that it was Mother's Day. But mostly we had a pleasant time.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and then everyone was tired and wanted to crash. But after a short break I went out to do one more errand -- the one thing I really wanted to do on Mother's Day -- buy some flowers to plant in the front yard. The kids were watching a movie, so I went by myself, and I didn't mind that at all. When I go with the family we always end up getting pink flowers, or orange flowers, or something else I don't want. On my own I could pick exactly what I wanted. I got petunias in two shades of purple, dark blue lobelia, and yellow marigolds (Rocket Boy's favorite flower). I will probably go back and get more another day, but this is a good start.

And now I have to fix dinner. Which is a bummer. But we ate out yesterday at Noodles, and anyway, Mother's Day is not a great day to go to a restaurant. I'll probably just make soup and bread and it will be OK.

I probably shouldn't conclude anything from my experiences today -- this is a weird time, and probably I have so much on my mind I just don't care about Mother's Day this year. But it also made me wonder whether my usual bad mood on Mother's Day is actually resentment and anger directed at Rocket Boy, for not doing enough for me or not making me feel like a good mother or some other nonsense like that. I don't know. Something to consider next year, or the next time he's home on one of my special days. If he ever is again.

Rocket Boy leaves

Rocket Boy has (finally) flown the coop. He first planned to leave on May 6th, but he wasn't ready, and then May 7th, but he still wasn't ready, and finally around 2:30 on May 8th he drove down the driveway and away to St. Louis. The weather has been horrible here and he's going to have bad weather all along the road (thunderstorms, flooding, maybe even snow, maybe even tornadoes), so I wanted him to leave earlier in the day, but he left when he was ready. He walked Kid B to school this morning, drove Kid A to his special school at noon, did the dishes, and even cleaned Pie's litter box. I think that was a sweet thing to do. All of it was sweet. He's also been trying to teach the twins a few life skills these past weeks, such as making pancakes, making spaetzle, and mowing the lawn.

Since he left so late AND the weather is terrible AND he's driving a 28-year-old car that needs to be babied, he probably won't make it very far today. We decided crossing the border into Kansas was a reasonable goal, and he's hoping to make it to Colby, Kansas, which is about 250 miles from here. Hays, Kansas would be even better, but that's over 350 miles. We'll see where he is when he calls tonight. Hopefully not still in Colorado with car trouble.

He mentioned that he was sorry he didn't get a "Roadside Geology of Kansas" to consult along the way. I said, "It is going to be POURING the whole way! You are not going to be able to SEE any roadside geology!" I was getting a little frustrated with him at that point. Also worried. I hope he is OK. He is an extremely resourceful person, so I know he will deal with whatever he has to deal with, but I hope he doesn't have to deal with much.

I picked Kid B up from school at 2:40, and Kid A was dropped off by his carpool at 3:30. Now they are watching TV, some horrible "influencer" show on YouTube, which is all they want to watch these days. I listen with one ear and make them switch to something else if I hear anything bad. Mostly it's just really really stupid stuff. For instance, they like to watch people play video games. I have to get them to watch less TV, but I'm not going to do that today. In fact, I'm not going to try to make any big changes this week. We'll just get through it. We'll probably just get through next week, too, since there are special activities EVERY SINGLE DAY. Both cats have vet appointments. The kids have TWO field trips, Kid A has a conference at his special school, there's an instrumental music concert and a choir concert. Tuesday is my last PTA meeting (I'm the secretary) and there's a restaurant fundraiser that evening. This Sunday is Mother's Day (I think I'm OK with ignoring it this year) and next Saturday they're going to a birthday party.

The week after that is graduation week and it's just as busy. Two more field trips, a welcome picnic at their new school and a farewell picnic at their current school, my book group is coming, and Rocket Boy is coming back for a 23-hour visit in order to attend graduation. We all keep telling each other that: "We'll see Dad in two weeks!"

I cried when Rocket Boy left. I don't cry much anymore, but this has been a tearful spring. I cried at Mrs. E's funeral this past weekend, not so much because I was sad but because of the sweet stories people were telling about her. I know I'll cry at graduation and probably at some of the other events coming up, all the goodbyes.

I cried when Rocket Boy left because I kept thinking, this isn't what we planned when we got married. We didn't plan to have two kids and then have Rocket Boy drive away to St. Louis and leave me with them. We didn't plan to struggle to find work and grow old and angry with each other because of the struggles. I keep remembering happy times, mostly before we had the twins, but also when they were babies. It's just been since we moved back to Boulder that life has gone so sour. I know we need to do this, that it's the next step, that it's a good step for Rocket Boy, a real opportunity. I also know that what you plan isn't what happens. But I still cried, and he hugged me and said it's going to be OK.

May day

Happy first of May! I am not going to be doing anything about may baskets this year, because I am getting over a cold, the weather is awful, and there's so much else going on. But I can at least include a photo of the baskets my mother made for her 80th birthday party. She'd be 97 on Monday if she were still here, so that means it's been 17 years since that party, and thus 17 years since Rocket Boy and I announced our engagement at that party (we were married in August that year). A lot of things have happened during those 17 years, as things do.

One year on May 1st I helped the boys fix up a may basket for our elderly next-door neighbor, Mrs. E, but she didn't know what it was. She grew up in Chicago and apparently they didn't do may baskets there, or perhaps she'd forgotten about them. We lost Mrs. E a week ago. She died on April 25th at the age of 102, less than a month before her 103rd birthday. It wasn't unexpected -- she'd been on hospice for months -- but it was still a surprise to the twins, who hadn't encountered a lot of death before. Several people died when they were very little: my mother 7 weeks before they were born, then my Uncle Bob, our neighbor and good friend Clifford, my Aunt Esther... probably other people I'm forgetting. And our cat Whiskers died when they were 3 or so. But no one for quite a while. When we first moved back to Boulder, the twins immediately adopted Mrs. E as a surrogate great-grandmother, and her daughter Arlene as a surrogate grandmother. They used to come running back from Mrs. E's house with a note from her: "Can (Kid A) and (Kid B) have lemonade, chocolate milk, or plain milk?" I would write on it, "Anything! Thank you!" and they'd take it back to her in glee.

The memorial service is Saturday afternoon. I'm going to try to go if I can stop coughing so much. I think Kid B wants to go too, and Rocket Boy, but Kid A doesn't think he would be able to sit through it quietly.

The day after Mrs E died, of course, was the big fundraising dinner/silent auction that I've been so involved in preparing for. Rocket Boy and I made a special trip over to the school to deliver the goody bags I've been sewing, and then at 2 pm I went back to help set up. In this photo you can see the tables and chairs set up in what they call the "Heart" of the school and the "cafe" area. There were some last minute disasters: the company that had agreed to supply compostable dinnerware did not send any cups or salad bowls, and there was nowhere to buy 700 of these at the last minute. Fortunately we had non-compostable cups available and the kitchen crew came up with some little paper containers to use as bowls.

I went home to get the boys dressed in their finery (white button-up shirts and dark pants) and to fight with Kid B about his long hair. I wanted to do a ponytail, a man bun, a braid -- no no no no no! We finally settled on two big barrettes which at least got the hair off his face. I thought the mom who was wrangling the kids would send him home again, but she didn't. I did point out to Kid B another mom pulling her son's long hair into a ponytail. All the long-haired girls of course had their hair pulled back in various attractive ways.

The first seating was at 5:15 and wow, the line was long! Both boys did their job as servers, but they were a little disappointed that they didn't have more customers. Kid A served one family and then Rocket Boy and me. Kid B served one family and then Rocket Boy eating a second dinner. And that was it -- dinner over. A bit of a letdown after a year of anticipation.

The goody bags sold, all 75 of them. Here they are in a not very attractive display, underneath a different display for school t-shirts, and for a while I didn't think we'd sell very many. But then some kids must have seen what some other kids had and suddenly everyone wanted one! And kids did spend a lot of time examining the different colors and patterns before choosing, so I'm glad I made an effort to find cute ones.

After the silent auction I stayed on until 8:30 or so, acting as a cashier and helping with last bits and pieces. I was tired but happy when I finally walked home carrying my empty goody bag storage container.

Kid A had come down with a virus on the day of the dinner (but acted as a server anyway, oh well), and by Sunday Kid B had it too. So on Monday, probably due to post-dinner exhaustion, I came down with it, and I've been sick ever since. Also, it SNOWED Monday night -- we woke up Tuesday to heavy wet snow all over everything (about 4 inches), but I was too sick to pay much attention to it and I did NOT get out my camera. Fortunately, because it's been so warm, the snow didn't stick to the roads or sidewalks, so no shoveling. And today it's all gone, because we had a bunch of rain that washed it all away. The photo shows our front yard today, not a speck of snow anywhere. Spring in Colorado, gotta love it.

I can't think what else to write about. Rocket Boy is still planning to leave on May 6th or 7th, so we've got less than a week to go. My being sick has forced him to take over a lot of my duties, even reading stories at bedtime, and the twins are loving it. Last night we had pancakes for dinner and Kid A insisted on frying them -- he wants to have pancakes again tonight so that he can perfect his skills. Kid B wants RB to make spaetzle so that he can become an expert in that dish. I think they're finally just beginning to realize that their father is leaving. Of course, he has a reservation to fly back for their "graduation" on May 22nd, so that'll help a little. But he'll only be back for a day and then gone again. It's going to be an adjustment.