Beautiful October

Another interesting week -- again, more for me than for you. I spent the week practicing my two new mantras: "You're not stressed, you just don't wanna" and "You don't hate yourself." They were surprisingly effective. I got some things done, and in other cases I realized and acknowledged that I wasn't doing things NOT because I was stressed, but because I didn't want to do them.

It's funny how that's such a difficult concept for me. I think it's embarrassing to admit that you just don't want to do something. It sounds like a little kid: "I don't wanna!" Thus we turn to the mature, adult excuse: "I'm so stressed!"

I did wonder, though, how I could know when I actually am so stressed that it's preventing me from doing something. Because stress does exist, and it does make life difficult. Then I remembered about my old friend, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. When I'm truly stressed, my intestines (or something near them?) hurt, a lot. I mean, sometimes that happens without stress, but mostly not. It's a pretty good indicator that I'm not coping. So I'll try to watch for that. 

Of course, the way things have been going recently, I might be heading for that "real stress" situation. Nothing terrible yet, just a series of stressors. For instance:

1. Three lights in the house are currently broken/burned out (the kids' bedroom light switch is broken, the lights under the microwave are burned out, and the reading light over the kitchen counter burned out this week). I've tried to fix the two in the kitchen and failed: I cannot get the microwave bulbs into their sockets and I cannot get the burned out tube out of its socket.
2. My car has started making an odd noise when I turn it on -- sort of a whistle, sort of a sound like a flute. No warning lights come on and it goes away after the car warms up. I don't know what it is. I just took it in a month or so ago and the car place politely encouraged me not to bring it back for at least 6 months, so I'm just living with this for now, but it's puzzling.
   
3. Another student at the kids' high school died this week, presumably a suicide. It sounded like a difficult homelife situation, very sad, really made me want to hug my kids-who-will-not-be-hugged. 
4. Because of the death, the principal canceled in-person conferences, which I was planning to attend on Thursday in order to confer with the various teachers of the classes my kids are struggling in AND get to know their new special ed case manager. The conferences may or may not be rescheduled -- last spring they were canceled after the "swatting" incident and not rescheduled.
5. I still haven't called the plumber to do the work on the rental house (not stress, just I don't wanna), but I did do one thing: I emailed our old property manager to ask for advice on that. It's been four days and no response, so I probably won't hear from him. In the meantime, the washing machine at the rental died, so I have to buy a new one. In doing research yesterday I learned that all top loading machines made today are CRAP, but we probably don't have the space for a front loader. So I will order a crappy top loader and prepare myself for problems.
6. Rocket Boy has had several job interviews recently. I'm not counting on anything, but I am trying to prepare myself for losing our health insurance. Things are not going well at his current job -- he feels like he's being encouraged to resign. Whatever happens, I suspect it won't be wonderful. I try not to worry needlessly, but I think it's good to be prepared. Hard to do both -- prepare and not worry. I spent some time looking at clothes on the Dillards website -- in case I have to get a job, I probably need some new clothes. Mine are pretty dreadful.
   
7. Baby Kitty threw up all over my keyboard this morning. I washed it and put it out on the clothesline to dry -- yes, I'm serious. So I'm typing this post on my laptop keyboard which I hate -- my fingers keep hitting the wrong keys, deleting things accidentally, etc.
   

So, yeah. A lot of things adding up. That's what causes stress reactions. But I'm OK for now. Still chugging along. 

I'm trying to focus on the positive -- or at least remember that there is a positive. The beautiful fall color, the fact that the kids and I are getting along pretty well, the Republicans' inability to elect a Speaker. I know, pretty soon they'll elect one and it'll be someone terrible and the country will fall apart. And then there's Israel/Hamas. And Ukraine. OK, but focus on the positive. The pretty trees.

I see my dietician again this coming week. It's been interesting so far, trying to change my eating habits. Not terribly successful, but interesting. So far I've managed to gain 2.2 lbs and eat a lot of chocolate when I'm supposed to be eating hummus. But you know, baby steps.

It was a bad cooking week (last week, that is). I planned four meals, with the idea that we'd eat leftovers on Thursday (when I would be at the conferences, that ended up getting canceled). But there were so many leftovers from the first three meals that I never cooked the last one (we'll have it sometime later this week). We ate leftovers on Thursday, Friday, and I also had them for lunch on all the days. And the fridge is still full! I need to just toss the rest in the compost. Or freeze some, maybe? I'm not very good at freezing leftovers. I don't know.

This week I thought I might make soup. The kids won't want to eat it, but I can have it for lunch every day. 

 A good thing I did this week was start working on my novel again. I thought about why I wasn't working on it -- was this an "I don't wanna" situation? But working on the novel is fun. I decided it was an "I hate myself" thing, as in "I can't face what a failure I am." I reminded myself that I don't hate myself and that being a failure is really not interesting. We're all failures, at least most of us are. I don't know very many people who have achieved all the things they planned to or were meant to. After this pep talk, I got to work and spent an enjoyable hour writing.

I drove with both kids yesterday and it was as stressful as it always is, but we didn't get in any accidents and we made it home safely. 

Teen A and I drove around for a while, arguing about what he should or should not be doing, then went to Home Depot to get thoroughly confused about washing machines, and finally went to Jamba Juice and got smoothies for him and his brother. Then Teen B and I drove to Munson Farms and chose four lovely pumpkins to decorate our house with.

So, we've got one more full week of October. The trees are spectacular right now, so I should go on as many walks as I can. I think it's supposed to get a little colder and we might get a little rain. Oh yes, Saturday night there's a chance of rain or snow and it's going to get down to 25. Glad I've got the furnace working.