September slide

Reading back over blog posts from years past, I see that getting depressed in September is just something I do. We always have a spell of colder, wetter weather (three years ago it snowed), the nights get cooler, the sun goes down earlier, and I get depressed. Regular as clockwork, really.

Maybe saying goodbye to the hummingbirds is part of it. On Wednesday, I was thrilled to hear one buzzing. It wasn't at my feeder -- it was at my little fuchsia! The fuchsia, inspired by the cooler weather, recently put out several flowers, and the hummingbird was sampling them. After it left, I hurriedly changed the sugar water in the feeder, but I never saw a bird go to it. I probably should take it down. Maybe tomorrow.

The next day, Thursday, we had a big storm, so I hope the hummingbird made it out of here safely. There has been no more buzzing since then. I think they are all gone.

On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I managed to get some things done. I made veggie enchiladas on Tuesday, enough for two nights, so that fed us on Wednesday too. Thursday I was scheduled to make Cauliflower Shawarma -- and I just couldn't. The thought of eating it made me choke. Friday I had planned to make Couscous with Seven Vegetables, and again, just couldn't, even though I had so enjoyed picking out the seven vegetables at the grocery store on Monday. I took a nap instead. Last night we ate out, at Village Inn. Tonight I'm going to try again to cook, although I don't usually cook on Sundays. But it might help me if I do.

Depression at my age, and in my life, seems so silly. You look at the 2000+ people killed in the recent Morocco earthquake, and the 10,000+ people drowned in Libya when those dams broke and you think: what on earth do you have to be depressed about? Nothing, obviously. But this kind of depression isn't about anything, much. It's chemical, a reaction to the changing seasons. It's like having a cold or flu.

Knowing that really does help. If you have a cold or flu there are things you can do to get better, like getting enough rest and fluids, eating healthy foods. When you are depressed, those things are important too, but also it's good to exercise and to keep busy. Not beat yourself up because you can't do all the things on your to-do list, but keep trying to do some of them. When I'm depressed I switch from the 1-2-3 method (write down 3 things to do and then do them) to the 1 method (write down 1 thing to do and then try to do it). I let myself do smaller versions of things, too: 20 minutes of yardwork instead of 25, 7 minutes of dusting instead of 10. 

I guess one thing that happened this week was actually depressing: I saw my doctor and learned that my A1c level has gone up to 7.5, after several months of walking and doing yardwork and getting more sleep than I do during the school year. Six months ago, after a long stretch of no exercise, my A1c was 7.0 (3/23), and five months before that it was 7.1 (10/22) and four months before that it was 6.5 (6/22). In June of 2022 I was about five pounds lighter than I am now, but would 5 lbs make that much of a difference? I'm afraid my pancreas is just wearing out.

When I saw my endocrinologist last fall, she didn't think my A1c was bad, but she said if it kept going up "we have lots of other drugs to try." My regular doc decided this week that it was time for one of those drugs. So as of today I am taking Rybelsus, which is basically Ozempic in pill form. I take 3 mg/day for 30 days, to get used to it, and then go up to 7 mg/day, which is a therapeutic dose. It has glorious side effects at that level: nausea, vomiting, diarrhea. I'm so looking forward to Month 2. (Day 1 on the low dose has been OK.)

My doc said, "If the copay is terrible, like $350, tell me and we'll try something else." I was hoping it would be $350, but instead it was $25, so I paid it. I was also hoping that the pharmacy wouldn't have it (aren't there supposed to be shortages of Ozempic?), but they did. The pharmacy clerk insisted I talk to the pharmacist and he was just so excited to talk to me about it. He assumed I would be taking it to lose weight, but I corrected him: "It's for my blood sugar, it keeps going up." Actually, I'm quite sure my doc chose Rybelsus because of the weight loss aspect, but I'm ignoring that part. She said, "If you could just lose some weight, I'm sure your A1c would go down and the sleep apnea might even go away." Dream on.

My doc also wants me to see a dietician, and she put in a referral for one. I was hoping my insurance wouldn't cover it, but whaddaya know, they do. I guess I'll call her next week.

So anyway, I know I shouldn't be unhappy about this -- I'm so lucky to have health insurance, especially health insurance that covers this stupid drug AND the dietician my doc wants me to see. I could be a refugee from Venezuela with none of those things. I could have died in the disaster in Libya. I have NOTHING TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT. I know, I know. 

But when you're depressed, rational thinking doesn't help much. What helps is (a) not letting yourself dwell/ruminate on stuff, and (b) putting one foot in front of the other and getting little things done.

***

A good thing happened this week. The concrete guy that Rocket Boy found to fix the collapsing crawl space entrance at our rental house came over on Monday and looked at the situation. "You don't need concrete," he told me. "A metal bar screwed into the sides here would be stronger." "Who would do that?" I asked, sadly. "Any handyman could do it," he said. "You don't want to do it?" I asked.

Long story short, he took pity on me and did it, on Tuesday while I was seeing my doctor, for $300 (his minimum charge) and $10 in parts. I gave him a $40 tip, so $350 total. I had been expecting to pay more in the neighborhood of $5000 (I don't really know what these things cost, but everything is always so expensive). So now, after six months of stressing about this, the problem is solved. And now I have to move on to calling the plumber who didn't want to do the complicated repairs that need doing over there if the crawl space entrance was going to collapse on him while he worked.

Maybe I'll call him this week.

***

Some bad things also happened this week, almost certainly because Rocket Boy went back to St. Louis.

1. The light at the bottom of the microwave that shines on the stove burned out. Replacing it will involve unscrewing the bottom of the microwave, locating the bulb and removing it, going to McGuckin's to buy a replacement, putting the new bulb in, and screwing the bottom back on. Doable, I think, but not something I feel up to right now.
   
   
2. The dishwasher broke, mid-cycle. Thursday night I turned it on and then got ready for bed. When I turned out my light, it suddenly occurred to me that it was awfully quiet in the kitchen. I turned my light back on, went in the kitchen, and discovered that the dishwasher had stopped, none of its lights were on, and it did not respond when I pushed various buttons. The next day I called Rocket Boy and he suggested I check the fuse box in the garage, but no fuses were tripped. So he asked me if the dishwasher's outlet under the sink had a red button to push. It did. I thrust my hand through a spider web and pushed the red button. The dishwasher started again and went through its whole cycle. I'm running it again right now, a few days later, and it seems OK.
   
   
3. The vacuum cleaner plug broke (fortunately not while in an outlet). On Friday, before talking to Rocket Boy, I decided I would probably have to call an appliance repair person, so I should do the cleaning chores that I hadn't managed to do so far that week (due to being depressed). So I got out the vacuum, did the rugs in the living and dining room, pulled the plug out before moving on to the bedroom, and one of the prongs broke off the plug. I watched some YouTube videos on how to replace a broken appliance plug, decided that was WAY out of my comfort zone, and started researching new vacuum cleaners. I told Rocket Boy about this (after we fixed the dishwasher), but he wants a chance to fix the old one. I agreed to store the old vacuum in the garage for him to fix someday (maybe) and that I will think about a new vacuum, but in the meantime I will use RB's ancient vacuum instead.
   

After all that, I was slightly nervous about driving with the twins on Saturday -- too many things going wrong at once, maybe something else bad will happen too. But I was brave and did it. They both wanted to go to Safeway to buy Steam gift cards (some video game thing), so I planned a long complicated drive to the Safeway in Rock Creek, where I'd never been. Teen A wanted to go first, and let's just say a trip that Google estimated would take 40 minutes took more like 80 minutes. We also spent a few minutes inside the Safeway (when we FINALLY found it). Multiple times we pulled over so I could check my phone for directions, both going and coming. At one point we drove into a dead end, made a U-turn, and acquired a large grasshopper, which rode with us on the windshield most of the way home. 

Teen B and I went to a Safeway in Boulder -- there was no way I was going to get lost in Rock Creek again -- and his trip took about 40 minutes: 25 minutes there and 15 minutes home (plus a few minutes in the store). He drives very slowly, while people pass us on the right. I mainly let him do it, although I do remind him of the speed limit. He's getting better at driving, slowly, and I want to build up his confidence.

I don't think those trips count as "something bad." As I kept telling Teen A, "you're getting more driving minutes!" We should get lost every weekend.

And the CU Buffs won their football game that night, long after we'd all gone to bed. I turned off my phone and put it on the charger when it was 28-21 CSU, with 7 minutes left to play. Read to the twins, cleaned up the kitchen a little, went to bed, read a couple chapters, turned off my light, tried to go to sleep, and then BOOM! and BOOM! BOOM! Plus a lot of traffic sounds from Broadway. Why are so many people driving around so late at night, I wondered. Tried to settle down again. BOOM! Why are the students setting off fireworks if the Buffs lost? Finally I got up (it was after 2 am), got my phone, and checked the score. The Buffs had somehow managed to win, 35-43, in double overtime, at some point after midnight (I haven't yet found an article that mentions what time the game ended). That is really some new coach they have.

Today has been All Homework All the Time, which is how our Sundays go now. I'm resigned to it. Saturday is supposed to be Family Fun Day (according to the FlyLady), and that's when we drive. Sunday is Renew Your Spirit Day, and that's when we catch up on homework. It is nice to go into the week knowing that the twins are all caught up, or mostly so.

I have quite a few things coming up this week. On Tuesday, my parent support group is starting up again, and Tuesday night is book group. Thursday I see the orthodontist (what color bands should I get?), and on Saturday I have a Zoom call and a lunch date. Oh, I just realized that means we'll have to drive later in the afternoon, which is undesirable. Well, it'll work out. 

I hope I can be a little more cheerful this week. But if not, I'll just keep pushing along. Eventually I'll feel better. It will be OK.