OK, December

So it's December and I feel so behind! This is silly. I'm not behind. I have written and mailed all the Christmas cards (nearly all -- just the German cards are still to be done, and a few to neighbors that will get delivered with cookies, not mailed). I've also done some of my shopping (more than usual for this time of year), wrapped some of the presents I've bought, planned my cookie baking, planned the decorating, and kept the house fairly clean. So I should be feeling great, smug even.

But I'm not, I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I think I need to take a step back and think about this. It's December 4th. Christmas is in exactly three weeks. During that time I need to do various things:

• Make the personalized calendar that I do every year (and order 2 copies, one for me and one for Rocket Boy)
• Finish shopping
• Bake all these cookies I'm planning to bake
• Put up the tree, decorate it, and do whatever other decorating I'm going to do
• Get ready for Rocket Boy's next visit (he's planning to arrive in exactly two weeks)
• Complete the desk room project: get rid of the piles of papers by my desk so that I can move some furniture around and get Teen B set up with his own desk before Rocket Boy arrives
  
• Prepare for the kitchen floor being replaced on Dec. 19th or 20th (and how we'll live without a kitchen for two days)
• Help the kids survive their first experience of real final exams (already working on this)
• Plan, shop for, and cook healthy meals for the family while also constantly baking
• Keep track of money and don't accidentally spend $$ we don't have (pay down the credit card once a week so that it doesn't get away from me)
  
• Take care of myself so that I don't get rundown and sick: get enough sleep, eat right, get some exercise every day, don't get all stressed out
  

Realistically, I don't have three weeks. The kitchen floor replacement is going to mess things up that last week, big time. Plus, the kids will be out of school by then. Their last day of school is Friday, December 16th, but that day is just a finals make-up day. Assuming they don't have any finals to make up, their last day will be Thursday, December 15th. So, really I only have 11 days left, not three weeks. And two of those days are next weekend, so I only have 9 days left on my own, and I think one of those days they have the afternoon off and other days they might get home early... so really I just have this week to get my shopping done. This week plus maybe a day or two.

That's scary.

Deep breath. Several deep breaths, to the point of hyperventilating. It is going to be OK. It is all going to be just fine.

The schedule I planned last week worked out quite well -- not perfectly, but well. The morning part of the schedule worked really well: FlyLady stuff, followed by writing time, followed by a holiday task (Christmas cards), followed by a short walk and lunch. The afternoon part -- not so much. I discovered immediately that shopping takes more than one hour, even if you only go to one or two stores, because there's driving and parking to consider. Even if you're shopping online, which I did on Tuesday and Wednesday, due to the weather, it takes a long time to sort through the masses of options to choose something. Plus, after shopping (even electronic shopping) I'm tired. So I changed the schedule to 1-2:30 for shopping and 2:30-3 for a rest and 3-4 for working on the desk room. And even so, the shopping ended up more like 1-3 pm and the desk room project didn't happen at all. That's right, I got nothing done on it. 

I'm thinking that maybe I need to rethink that, only work on the desk room the days I don't shop.

I also learned that I normally spend more than an hour on FlyLady things, which is why it seems like I spend all my time cleaning. I'm slow and inefficient, and giving myself an hour to do FlyLady things means that maybe two small things will get done. However, I happily spent an hour or so writing and close to an hour on cards every day. I exercised some of the days, not all, but some is better than none.

Now that the cards are done, this week my "holiday task" each day will mainly be baking, and it occurred to me that I should probably do that first thing in the morning, not wait until 11 am, because some recipes need time to chill or bake or whatever. Also, I need to be around when they're cooling so that the cats don't get them. So my slightly altered plan for this week is as follows:

• 7-8 am: get kids off to school. Pull out ingredients that need to come to room temperature, such as butter and eggs (hide them from the cats).
  
• 8-9 am: feed cats, eat breakfast, do basic routines (dishes, laundry)
  
• 9-11 am: bake a batch of cookies, interspersed with FlyLady stuff (such as when cookies are in the oven, etc.)
  
• 11-12 pm: write
• 12-1 pm: lunch, a short walk
• 1-3 pm: errands, shopping (on good-weather days)
  
• 3-4 pm: free time before the kids come home
  

My "free time" could be spent working on my calendar or decorating. But if I need a nap instead, those things can be done on the weekend, or the following week or two, when the twins (or even Rocket Boy) are home to help.

I am planning to make six batches of cookies this week:

• Monday: panocha squares. They're easy, and I need something easy because Monday is also Home Blessing Day and Grocery Shopping Day.
• Tuesday: gingerbread cookie bars. I couldn't find my recipe for these, so I googled them and found six million recipes that aren't the right one. I finally found one that looked like it might be close enough, so I'm going to make it and hope for the best.
  
• Wednesday: eggnog cookies. The kids don't like these, so that means they'll last for a while.
  
• Thursday: spritz. Haven't made these in AGES. I hope I remember how to use a cookie press. Also hope my cookie press hasn't rusted to bits. I know where it is (I think), and we have Rocket Boy's mom's old press too. Should be fine.
  
• Friday: lebkuchen. I am very nervous about this. I found a new recipe online that sounds really good, and I ordered the little wafer backing things from Amazon. But the recipe wants me to make my own spice mix and my own candied lemon and orange peel, and when am I going to do all that? We'll see about this one.
  
• Saturday (with the kids): candy cane cookies. An old favorite. Should be just fine.
  

I had the feeling I needed to review my cupboards, see if I actually have all the ingredients to make all these cookies. So I got out the recipes (googled them, printed them out, etc.) and I typed up how many of each thing I needed (flour, sugar, vanilla) and then combined them into one big list. The list is a little overwhelming. There are 35 different ingredients on it. Yes, many of them are spices, but still. Salted butter, unsalted butter, oil. Brown sugar, white sugar, powdered sugar, molasses, honey. Eleven eggs. The spices are ginger, cloves, nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice, coriander, cardamom, star anise, and mace. I have all the spices except the star anise, which I cannot find anywhere. I thought I'd look at Whole Foods tomorrow.

I have the energy to do things like make a list like that -- and then I look at the list and collapse (mentally). And then I have to go back to taking deep breaths. Just relax. No need to get upset. It will all work out.

A few things happened this week to make me rethink my priorities a little. The first was just the experience of doing the cards. I love sending Christmas cards, despite all the bother. I enjoy going through the list, deciding who to send a card to. I like looking at the holiday stamps and deciding which ones to buy (I mostly went with otters and flowers in snow this year). I like choosing the cards themselves (at McGuckin's again this year). I like writing our holiday letter, tinkering with it, getting Rocket Boy's approval (or not, and then rewriting it). And then I start addressing and actually writing the cards, and it's such a trip down memory lane. There are no neutral cards. Each one makes me sit and think about the person/people it's addressed to. When did I last see them, what is my history with them, when am I likely to see them again (if ever). I don't write very much on most of the cards, but I do a great deal of thinking about them. I managed to do about 10 each day (in an hour), so I guess I didn't spend more than 6 minutes thinking about each person, but it felt like more. And the things I ended up writing on the cards seemed so incredibly inadequate compared with those thoughts.

I think that's why I keep sending cards, even though it seems more and more anachronistic (though they do say some young people still send them, so I'm not a total dinosaur). I don't do Facebook or whatever, so I don't have that connection with people. But once a year I sit down and think about everyone I know well enough to send a card to, and it's very moving. 

It's moving to receive cards from people too. Now that I've sent ours out, I sit back and wait to see what comes in (we've gotten one already). I love the holiday newsletters and the individual notes people write, even if it's just a quick "Happy holidays!" Some of the cards will have sad news -- it's more common as people get older, of course. But even when there's nothing but people's names, as on the card that came this week, you still know they took the time to write their names. Also, that particular card had a new address on it, which spoke volumes -- they've retired and moved closer to their daughter. And I think about when we visited them in their old house -- maybe 18 years ago or so? -- and how now we'll never go there again, if indeed we ever see them again. We're all getting older.

Another thing that happened this week I hardly want to think about. On Thursday afternoon I was out doing errands and shopping, and my phone rang. I was in a parking lot, so I answered, and it was the Boulder Valley School District (a recording) telling me that my kids' school was on "Secure Lockout." No other information. I also got an email about it. Maybe half an hour later, another call, same message except to add that police are acting on a "Safe 2 Tell" tip. Half an hour later, another call telling me the Secure Lockout is over and things are back to normal. And sometime after that there was an email from the principal explaining that they had gotten a tip that a student outside the school had a gun. They located the student, learned that it was just a BB gun, and cancelled the Secure Lockout. No information about what happens next with the student.

Just four days before this, the principal sent out a message saying that another student had died. No information as to how, but I'm assuming another suicide. If so, that's three so far this year. Unthinkable.

Another thing this week: we had another snowstorm, maybe 4 inches or so, and then we had WIND. Two nights of high winds, mostly gusts in the 60-70 mph range, but one gust was 89.9 mph. We were fine, no big deal, just minor branches down, but it's so scary. We're coming up on the one-year anniversary of the Marshall Fire. What's Christmas going to be like for all the people who lost everything last year? I think very little rebuilding has actually taken place yet, but I've read that people are now having to make hard decisions about what sort of rebuilding they CAN do, given that nobody had enough insurance coverage.

So, OK. We didn't have a school shooting -- but there was the threat of one. Our high winds didn't do much damage -- but they reminded me of last year's disaster. And doing the cards reminded me that connecting with other people is perhaps my favorite thing about Christmas (with Christmas cookies a close second?). 

It doesn't reduce the number of things I have to get done this week, next week, the week after. But it helps put them in perspective. I'll do what I can, and do my best not to sweat any of it, just have fun.

We did a few fun things this week: Teen B and I went to a play put on at the library yesterday, and in the evening we went to the Lights of December Parade downtown -- that was a lot of fun. And today both boys got flu shots (they've both had their Covid boosters already). This coming week there's nothing like that planned, but maybe something will come up at the last minute. If not, at least I'll bake a lot of cookies. Probably.