I need October

October! Month that I -- and most people -- love! And things are looking so down right now. I really need some of October's joy, but instead I'm wondering whether I'm going to make it through.

Don't worry, it's not that bad. As I keep telling myself. I am not in Florida, I did not just suffer the wrath of Hurricane Ian. Really, things are fine. But I do have concerns, such as...

1. Rocket Boy's job. Yes, he still has it, but the powers that be have announced that he can no longer work part of the time in Colorado. His duty station is in Missouri and he must stay in Missouri. He can only go to Colorado for vacations (with prior approval of his boss) and he cannot do any work while he's here.

This means he's not going to show up sometime this coming week to spend October with us. I'm thinking of flying him out for a long weekend, two weeks from now (we did that last year, too), but maybe we should just save his vacation days for Thanksgiving break and Christmas. I don't know. I'm very sad about this. He's very sad too -- he's been wishing he could spend MORE time with the boys, not less. So he's going to start applying for jobs in Colorado, but at his age, hmm. Maybe his clearance will make him more desirable. I don't know. I suspect it means I'm going to have to take over as the family breadwinner sooner rather than later -- but who would hire ME at this point? More importantly, who would give me health insurance?

Anyway, I go back and forth about this, but it's definitely a source of stress right now. Stress that may have had something to do with...

2. My left knee going out. Almost 17 years ago, in October 2005, on the night my grand-nephew Josh was born, I was sitting at my desk and I moved my right leg a certain way, and a little piece of my meniscus, that was already torn (unbeknownst to me), flipped up and caught in the knee joint. I could not get it loose, and Rocket Boy was in Wyoming, and I ended up riding in an ambulance to the emergency room the next day, and 6 weeks later I had knee surgery. So I'm a little paranoid about the weird things that knees can do, out of the blue, with no warning. 

Yesterday Teen B took part in a concert at his high school (all 12 musical groups performed), and while I was sitting in the auditorium during the first part, my left knee suddenly went out. It felt exactly like the right knee used to feel (it "went out" many times before that final terrible night in 2005). The pain was terrible, and I was sitting in the middle of a row of seats, people on both sides (though fortunately no one right next to me). I couldn't get up, I couldn't leave, I couldn't make any noise (one of the orchestras was playing). I managed to move sideways in my seat, grab my kneecap and manipulate it, until finally things snapped back into place.

I stood up for the 2nd part of the concert, which took place in the courtyard (see photo), and for the 3rd part, back in the auditorium -- I just leaned against a wall. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to drive home, but I managed it. Once home, I took painkillers and propped my leg up and WORRIED. What if it happens again and I need surgery and Rocket Boy isn't allowed to work in Colorado? 

My worries actually kept me from sleeping, which is unusual for me. On top of all this nonsense about my knee and Rocket Boy's job, I'm worried about...

3. The shower wall & tile replacement. Which is scheduled to start on October 10th. This is a good thing, right? It is a good thing. We need the work done so much (I'm including this photo, even though I've posted it before, to remind me of how much the work needs to be done). But it's going to be very expensive (a worry when our breadwinner is having second thoughts about his job) and it's supposed to take a couple of weeks, during which time we won't be able to take showers (and I won't be able to use the toilet during the day while the tile guy is here). We only have one bathroom, and I am an old lady who needs to pee a lot. 

Fortunately the pandemic shutdown is over, we'll be able to use the bathroom at the library or the grocery store, and we can take showers at the rec center. Every other night we'll have to drive to the rec center to take showers. I plan to ask our next-door neighbor if we can occasionally use her bathroom, but I don't want to push that too far.

But what if my knee goes out and I can't drive us to the rec center or myself to the library, etc.? Rocket Boy was supposed to be here during this project, but now of course he can't be.

On top of everything else, I still hadn't gotten the tile! I say hadn't, because that was one of my worries last night, but today I pulled myself together and went and got it. Even with my stiff and sore left knee (my right leg was also stiff and sore, from a bad leg cramp I had last night after I finally fell asleep), I drove out to the Westminster Lowe's, made a snap choice of tile, and bought 8 boxes of 25 tiles each. And drove them home again. And the twins unloaded them from the car and now they are on the back porch. So at least I got that done. 

They aren't wonderful and beautiful, but they're adequate, and that's done. It's enough for the tile guy to get started a week from tomorrow. Oh God.

***

Anyway, it's October. Yay! Must get in the mood, must enjoy this beautiful month. The leaves are starting to turn, fruit trees are groaning, all sorts of little berries and pods are bursting. I love looking for signs of fall when I go on my walks (which I am trying to get better about). 

I kind of have to rethink October this year, since Rocket Boy won't be here (except maybe for a long weekend). We won't be doing lots of weekend activities. I'll try to get the kids to a pumpkin patch, but I don't want to go far afield, because of my stupid knee. Maybe it will get better and I can stop worrying about it. Maybe that was just a fluke thing.

I finished the biography of Grover Cleveland and to my surprise also raced through a Classics Challenge book (see previous post), so now I feel free to spend October reading only fun stuff. Here are my current choices: four ghost stories, two mysteries, and a couple of books set in modern Japan. I've noticed that I seem to be drawn to books about Japan right now. For example, I went to the main library yesterday to get an Icelandic ghost story (I Remember You, top left) but came home with the whole top row (the rest are Japanese). They jump out at me from the shelves. My book group is reading The Woman in Black, so that'll be fun, and they're coming to my house on the 24th, so that'll be fun too. I sure hope the bathroom is done by then. OMG.

But Rocket Boy won't be here for me to snuggle up to at night after I scare myself silly with these books. He's not usually here for Halloween anymore, but oh heck, I was expecting him. I'm disappointed. Well, disappointment. It happens. We'll survive. I just have to keep telling myself that.