End of the month

So October is almost over, and it's been an odd sort of October. But I'll miss it, as I always do. Today at Starbucks, I got a pumpkin spice latte in honor of the end of October. In November I'll probably just drink tea at home.

As I am starting to write this (at 1:23 pm), we have not yet carved any of our pumpkins, but I suspect that by the time I finish, we will have carved one or two. I have many things to do today and I'm trying to spread them throughout the day. So far today I have done these things:

• Emptied the dishwasher
• Done a load of the kids' laundry, start to finish
• Taken Teen B to Starbucks
• Helped Teen B finish his World Geography homework (he had to make a poster advertising the wonders of Alice Springs, Australia, don't ask -- I helped by drawing a picture of a kangaroo)

Still to do: language arts and science homework, helping the kids figure out their costumes for tomorrow night, this blog post, carving a couple of pumpkins, maybe a grocery store or Target run, making dinner, taking a walk, reading, writing, trying to get Rocket Boy to do a task or two. Sundays are busy days. The FlyLady says that Sunday should be "Renew Your Spirit" day, but she doesn't have teenagers.

Also, there's more to do today because yesterday we actually had a "Family Fun Day" -- we went to the cabin. That is, Rocket Boy, Teen A, and I went to the cabin. Teen B didn't want to go and so stayed home alone for 10 hours. I think he was a little lonely, but it's good for teenagers to have some time to themselves and it was great for the twins to take a break from fighting.

On a slightly related subject, I calculated recently that out of the roughly 5345 nights of the twins' lives so far, I have been around for all but 9. During a few of the other 5336 I had the flu or was otherwise incapacitated, but I was in the same house and at least marginally involved in dinner time and/or bedtime. The nights I know I missed were 2 nights of Outdoor Ed in 5th grade, 2 nights of Outdoor Ed in 6th grade, 2 nights when I went to California for a wedding, 2 nights when I went to Boulder (we were living in California) for a work thing, and 1 night when we were visiting my niece and she took care of the twins while Rocket Boy and I went to see a musical and then we came home and went to bed in her garage spare room and didn't see the twins until around 10 am the next morning.

Oh, and one night Teen A went to a slumber party. But we still had Teen B with us. Am I forgetting any other nights? A few times I probably got home from an event after bedtime, but not many. Usually, if I stayed out late, Rocket Boy let them stay up until I got home, even if it was an hour or more past their bedtime.

Rocket Boy has missed SO MANY of those 5345 nights, being in St. Louis for the past three and a half years, plus various work trips, job interviews, etc., in earlier years. I know it's terrible to say this, but I wish I'd missed a few more of them. I've always been so jealous of people whose parents happily took the grandchildren for regular weekends.

Even writing that, I feel guilty. I'm sure now they'll be in a fatal accident on the way to school tomorrow and it'll be my fault for wishing I'd had a few more nights off.

But this comes up when I start feeling like a bad mother for failing to cook dinner or getting mad at the kids. 5336 nights I've had to do this, so far. Surely that kind of consistency counts for something, even though I'm not perfect.

Also, I am tired of it. I am ready for them to grow up.

Almost ready.

ANYWAY, back to yesterday. Teen A had been jonesing for a tuna melt at the Cutthroat Cafe in Bailey for quite some time, so we decided it might be nice to take a little drive in that direction. It sounded particularly nice to go with only one kid, and it was.

Of course, once we got to the Cutthroat Cafe, Teen A decided that he would have a cold ham & cheese sandwich instead of a tuna melt. He proclaimed it delicious and asked me why my ham & cheese sandwiches are never that good. I pointed out that the sandwich was made with American cheese (I use Havarti) on what looked like Wonder Bread (I use Rudi's Organic Multigrain Oat bread), and the ham didn't look very high-class either. 

Then we drove on to Alma, stopping at Al-Mart to get snacks and buy Teen A a coat! He needed a new winter coat, so we bought something called a "Storm Defender" (by Carhartt, which Al-Mart specializes in). Worn over a hoodie, it should work as a winter coat, especially considering that he is rarely willing to wear a winter coat. Then we went to the cabin and hung out for about an hour. It was chilly, but not too cold, starting to cloud over. Some leftover snow on the ground. Rocket Boy hadn't planned any projects, so he did a little dusting. Teen A sawed some branches off a fallen tree nearby (just to have something to do), and I walked down to the beaver ponds, which were almost frozen over.

Then we drove back to Fairplay and swam in the pool at the rec center for an hour, after which we had an early dinner at the Mexican restaurant that's taken over the Brown Burro (Casa Sanchez). And then we had a nice drive home, returning around 8 pm. 

Now it's 2:50 pm and we have done our science homework (this is a joint effort, since the twins have the same science teacher, albeit at different times). We have not yet carved a pumpkin, though -- better get on that soon.

On Friday, Rocket Boy and I finally voted. In Colorado, of course, everyone gets a mailed ballot, which you can fill out at your leisure and then either mail in (if you allow enough time), deposit it in one of the many dropboxes around the county, or take it to a polling place on election day (you can fill it out there, too, if you prefer). It is the best system, and I don't know why more states don't adopt it. 

Well, of course, I do know why they don't adopt it -- most states are trying to restrict voting, not encourage it. But more liberal states should try it. Even Utah does it this way.

I filled out my ballot first and then gave Rocket Boy advice on how to do his, even though we don't agree on everything. We respect each other's differences, more or less (of course, it helps that there aren't too many of them). I said things like, "I voted for A, but you'll probably want to vote for B because of XYZ." I think we voted the same on everything except that I ended up voting for a library district and he voted against it, and he voted for psilocybin legalization and I voted against it. 

Then I drove both ballots to the closest dropbox, and yesterday I got an email from Boulder County Elections saying they'd received my ballot and would let me know as soon as it was counted. I love voting in Colorado.

My book group came this week, on Monday evening, a few hours after Rocket Boy arrived. He got down the Halloween boxes for me, so I was able to get everything decorated in time. The FlyLady and I had done the Weekly Home Blessing earlier that day, so the house was pretty clean. I also prepared all the food. Usually I order takeout, but this time I decided to make the food myself. We had read a book set in England, and there was mention of pub food and whatnot, so I set out to make pub food but ended up making more like tea food. I made a lemon cake and Irish soda bread, four kinds of tea sandwiches, (English) cheese and crackers, and strawberries (should have been an apple tart, but it's OK). And of course there was Halloween chocolate. And tea.

The book we read was a ghost story, The Woman in Black by Susan Hill, and to my surprise, two of the book group members really liked it. They found it just the right amount of spooky (I actually thought it was a bit depressing). 

The third member of the group had accidentally read The Women in Black by Madeleine St. John, which is about four women who work as shop clerks in Sydney, Australia, in the 1950s. When we began talking about the book, she mentioned that it had reminded her of a book we read earlier in the summer, A Summer Reunion by Fanny Blake, in which four former friends travel to Majorca. Thinking of The Woman in Black, I said, "How could that possibly have reminded you of this book?" We all had a good laugh when we figured out the problem.

The thing is, this is not the first time this has happened (it was a different member who read the wrong book the other time). We are getting old, the book group and I. At 62, I am the youngest member. If I ever read the wrong book, I will be truly horrified. I work hard to be sure I have the author and title right. I can't really imagine not doing that. But I'm fussy that way.

Next month we are going to read The Rabbit Hutch by Tess Gunty, and I can see how I might mix it up with something else, because there are actually a lot of novels out there with rabbits in the title. We read Bunny some months back, and there's another new book called Little Rabbit, and I see on Amazon there are a few books with the words "Rabbit Hole" in their titles. Maybe I should read Little Rabbit instead, oh, but I see the library doesn't have it yet. May just have to read the right book.

One more day of fun and games; then comes Serious November.

OK, it's 4:20 pm and we haven't carved a pumpkin yet NOR have we done language arts. The time has come for both.

And now it's 6:37 pm and all the homework is done, plus Teen B and I have paid a visit to Target to look for a Halloween costume -- but alas, there are only small children's costumes left. We will have to kluge something together for him. But we have wigs and such -- I think it will be all right.

I don't think I'm going to carve a pumpkin tonight, which means I will have to do them all tomorrow, in addition to cleaning and meal planning and grocery shopping. But it's OK. It will be Halloween and I will be happy.

Oh, I should do a reading recap. I ended up reading every single Halloweenish book I planned to read, except for December by Phil Rickman, which I am still working on. It is 675 pages long and I am on page 174, so, hmm, 501 pages left. It kind of drags, too -- it's one of his early novels. I don't think I'll finish it by tomorrow night, but hopefully in the next few days.

One fun thing I did this year was treat myself to some new Halloween children's books. From Abe Books I ordered old library copies of The Vanishing Pumpkin by Tony Johnston, The Witches' Supermarket by Susan Meddaugh, and Harriet's Halloween Candy by Nancy Carlson. Lots of fun, and great additions to our collection. We feel as though we're missing some books: where is Max & Ruby's Happy Halloween? We used to read that to the twins. Maybe I'll have to buy it next year.

A few more days

The last full week of October is upon us. And I finally feel a little better! It's totally the placebo effect, or in this case, sort of a reverse placebo effect, but I don't care what caused it, I'm just going with it.

What happened was this: on Friday, October 14th I got a bunch of labs done. My blood sugar and A1c were high, which is bad, but what I was interested in was my cholesterol levels. Since last spring, I've been taking a statin, rosuvastatin, even though my cardiac catheterization showed absolutely no sign of heart disease, because diabetics have to take statins, it's the law. At first I was taking 20 mg/day, and then in April after we found out I don't have heart disease and I said Why do I still have to take this, hmm???, she dropped me to 10 mg/day, which is considered a moderate dose -- but rosuvastatin is a very strong statin.

OK. Back in February my total cholesterol was 192, which is normal, but considered borderline. My HDL was 43 (it should be above 50, preferably 60) and my LDL was 123 (it should be under 100). Flash forward eight months, seven of them spent taking a statin, and my total cholesterol is now 121, which is quite low. My HDL is still 43 but my LDL has dropped to 53, which is crazy low. If I'm doing the math right, that's a 57% reduction. According to a website called hcahealthcaretoday.com, "At the highest tolerable dose, [high-intensity statins] can reduce cholesterol levels as much as 50 percent." And I've been taking a low dose.

I googled LDL numbers and discovered that it is possible for your cholesterol to be TOO low. Very low LDL numbers are associated with an increased risk of cancer, anxiety, and DEPRESSION.

And with that, I took myself off the statin. I mean, come on, this is ridiculous. Immediately, I felt better. I know, my LDL couldn't have gone up immediately, and probably my LDL isn't what's been making me depressed anyway, and it's all a reverse placebo effect, but I don't care. I feel better, which is all that matters to me. Placebo effects rule!

I see my endocrinologist this coming week and I'll probably have to go back on a statin, but I'm going to advocate strongly for one of the weaker ones, not rosuvastatin. We'll see what happens.

***

There were other things that happened this week that probably also contributed to my mood shift, but I can't talk about them (family related, too personal, etc.). All I can say is that they shifted my thinking a little, enough to sort of jar my sad mood loose. If that makes any sense. It makes sense to me.

Oh, and the tile guy finished, on Thursday. That gave me a big boost. I don't adore the new tile, but I adore the fact that it's in, that the bathroom problem is over, and that the tile guy is gone. I gave him all our money (most of what was left in our two savings accounts), and I don't have to worry about the bathroom anymore.

***

So, suddenly Halloween is only a week and a day away and I'm not ready. One problem is that Rocket Boy was supposed to be here by now, and only he is tall enough and thin enough to get the Halloween decorations out of the garage, because they are in boxes on a very high shelf that is blocked by the train table. I do not know why we have to have a train table in the garage. It is one of those things.

He was supposed to arrive today, but he got a late start yesterday and now probably won't get here until Monday afternoon. Which is fine, except that my book group is arriving at 5:30 pm Monday. 

It's still fine. If he gets here by 4:30, we might be able to get the decorations up by 5:30. Hold that thought.

It occurred to me that we could go get pumpkins this weekend, even though all the non-perishable decor is trapped in the garage, so yesterday Teen B and I did that. Teen A didn't want to come, which kind of blew my mind. It's the first year he didn't want to participate.

Next year Teen B probably won't want to come either.

Having your kids grow up is kind of painful. Though, of course, the alternative would be much worse. Must always remember that.

Teen B and I selected five pumpkins, which cost (wait for it) almost $60. Inflation, la la la. We brought them home and put them on the front porch. Later I brought the two smaller ones inside, to protect them from teenagers out looking for trouble. This morning, a squirrel started eating one of the three left outside, so I put an old tablecloth over them, and that seems to have worked -- he's leaving them alone. But now we don't have a pumpkin decoration on the front porch, we have an old tablecloth.

***

I spent most of the week reading a single book, I Remember You by Yrsa Sigurdardottir, because it was so scary that I couldn't actually read it at night. I couldn't read it during the day either, because I found it embarrassing to have the tile guy see me reading. I finally buckled down and finished it on Friday after he was gone. Oof. If you want a really scary book, I'd direct you to that one.

Then I quickly read what I thought was going to be another ghost story, That Beckoning Ghost by Douglas G. Browne, but it turned out to be a very soothing British mystery from the 1940s, no (real) ghosts involved at all.

And now I am reading Ghosts, a collection of ghost stories by Edith Wharton that she assembled just before she died, in 1937. I started the first story last night and immediately realized that it was too late and dark for me to read something like that. I'll save it for after Rocket Boy gets here. 

This month of reading spooky stuff has been fun, but at the same time I'm kind of looking forward to November, when I can go back to things like Presidential biographies and the Classics Challenge.

***

It wasn't a great cooking week, in part because of the tile guy. That is, I could cook when he was here, but I felt as though I shouldn't cook anything smelly, like onions, because that would stink up the house and it might bother him.

Also, while he made it possible for us to use the shower (carefully) over the weekend, during the week we couldn't use it. So on Wednesday evening we finally took our filthy selves to the East Boulder rec center to take showers. We also swam in the leisure pool, and went in the hot tub, which was really fun, but it all meant that there wasn't time for dinner, so we got McDonald's on the way home.

One thing I did make this week is shown in the photo above: Broccoli Cheese Soup from the Cookie & Kate website. Despite all the glowing reviews, it was terrible. I mean, just the worst. The twins took one spoonful and stopped. I finished my bowl, but I was gagging the whole time. One problem was that I didn't cook the broccoli enough the second time (you add the broccoli in two sections), so it was a little crunchy. But I don't see how that would have ruined the flavor.

Anyway, I ended up throwing it in the bushes the next day. Maybe a squirrel got a little nutrition out of it.

And last night we went to Wendy's, sigh. I'm really looking forward to having Rocket Boy here -- he can make some of his specialties and we can have fish again. I never want to cook fish when he's not here, because Teen B won't eat it, which means 1/3 of the family won't eat it. But when he's here, it's only 1/4 of the family that won't eat it, so it's all right. OK, that doesn't make sense, does it? Somehow to me it does.

***

We have a front moving in, with a slight chance of snow tonight and tomorrow morning. We'll probably just get a dusting, if anything, but it feels like it's time for something like that to happen. Often we have our first snowfall before this. 

The beautiful fall color is starting to fade. I saw a tree last week that just blew me away: red, orange, and yellow all in the same tree, and it was a really big tree. I kept meaning to go back up there (it was on Dartmouth near Kohler) and take a picture of it, but I never did and I'll bet by now it's not so dramatic. We've had wind, and it's getting colder. Maybe next year I'll see it again.

I'll try to make this a good week. It will be great to have Rocket Boy with us. I have a bunch of appointments, including (finally) my omicron booster, so that will take up time. And we can enjoy the last of October's glory together.

More beauty

I almost didn't want to blog today, but I think I will write a short post.  

It's been another beautiful week. The fall color in my neighborhood is just stunning right now, almost overwhelming. The yellows, the reds, the oranges. Some trees have more than one color, such as yellow with an orange undercoat, or orange with a red undercoat. I don't know what I mean by undercoat, exactly. I don't know what I'm seeing. I just know it's gorgeous. 

I find that my mood (depressed or cheerful or whatever) doesn't seem to matter when experiencing all this beauty. It's like riding a waterfall of color. All you can do is say "ooo" and "ahhh" -- you can't worry about your feelings.

***

The tile guy finally showed up on Tuesday, and then there were various delays, plus he couldn't be here Friday. But in three days (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday), he got the old tile off, dried out the wet wall, determined that it was still usable (no rotting wood), put new drywall up, and attached 50 tiles to the back wall (5 rows of 10 each). I won't include a photo, because he taped plastic up over the walls so that we could take showers, and you can't see it very well. Oh, well, OK, I will post one blurry photo. It gives you the general idea. This is happening.

The tile guy is a very pleasant person, not obnoxious and not over-friendly, just the right amount of friendly. He chats a little bit and then knows when to stop and go back to work. Also, he enjoys his work. He told me, "I love tile," and I could tell he meant it.

Still, it's stressful having him here. I can't drink as much tea and water as I want, because there's the bathroom problem. He told me (on Thursday) that whenever I need to go, I should just tell him, and he'll back out and leave it to me. But I'm sorry, I just can't do that when I need to poop. Just can't. The smell, the noises. Just can't do it. Our next-door neighbor told me to come over and use her bathroom whenever I need to, but I couldn't do that either. Nope, that's when I get in the car and drive three miles to Target. Yes, I did that one day. Wednesday, I think. Thank goodness for Target and its long row of anonymous stalls.

Now we have probably three more days with him. He thinks he'll get the rest of the tile up on Monday and Tuesday, with Wednesday as a day to finish things off and install the new vanity. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) the kids will be home Monday also, because it's one of those weird days off that I've never understood. A conference exchange day they call it. I think it's supposed to make up for the extra time the teachers put in doing conferences, which are Tuesday and Wednesday evening. 

***

I read two ghost stories this week, including the one that we're reading for book group this month, The Woman in Black by Susan Hill. I didn't like it much (and may have to apologize to the book group about it), although in parts it was gratifyingly spooky. The setting was the spooky part, not so much the ghosts. I requested the movie from the library, so maybe I'll watch it again and try to remember it.

I also read Unseen City by Amy Shearn, which was pretty good, but not really very spooky. I don't think Shearn has much practice writing ghost stories. The pacing is very tricky to get right. Also, her ghost was too active. Truly spooky ghosts in ghost stories don't do too much at once, you don't have every window and door opening and slamming shut, just one -- and then maybe one more. 

Now I am reading I Remember You by Yrsa Sigurdardottir, and it's already too spooky. I read one chapter and then had to set it down. Maybe I'll try again tonight, though I think it's a book better read during the day!

***

Cooking didn't go too well this week. This photo shows three of the dishes I made (this was leftovers night). At top are bean & cheese quesadillas, at left is pineapple tofu stir fry, and bottom right is the farro, squash, and apple salad that the twins wouldn't even try (no, Teen A had one small helping and then gave what was left on his plate to me). 

Sometimes meals just don't work. The quesadillas and stir fry are some of my standbys! But no one really wanted them this week. I still have stir fry (and of course salad) in the fridge, slowly rotting away. Maybe tomorrow I'll dump them in the compost.

And I see it is now almost 7 pm and I haven't made dinner yet, so I should go do that.

Beautiful October

This wasn't a great week, but it was OK, and I'm feeling, hmm, maybe almost ready to face the tile guy tomorrow morning. Though I'm not sure what time he's coming.

I'm still fighting depression, boringly. At this point I don't know when it started -- maybe July? I had a nice June, learning the FlyLady's system, and then Rocket Boy came home in July and it was fun for a while, and then we had to go to St. Louis and that was awful, and then we came home and things were still difficult, and then he left and things still seemed hard, and then he was supposed to come back but didn't, which made me very sad... and now it's October and I'm supposed to be happy, but I feel like I'll never be happy again.

I guess it just is what it is and on we go. 

I didn't spend any days in bed this week, so that's a good sign (though I did take a long nap Thursday afternoon -- but I finally got up and made dinner, thus salvaging the evening). The FlyLady and I were "in the kitchen" and I also tried to do the living room tasks from the week before (when I was too depressed to do much). I cleared a lot of clutter off the coffee table (yes, more clutter has appeared, but it's different clutter) and switched out the cloth, so now we have a Halloween cloth. I also brought down the raven candy dish from last year and put candy in it. I decided that the red plaid blanket on the loveseat clashed with the Halloween theme, so I brought out that brown blanket instead. It's not beautiful, but it's more harmonious. In December I can bring back the red plaid.

(Yes, that's a twin under the gray blanket on the couch. Ignore him.)

Overall I think the house is looking nicer and nicer. But I wish I could get myself to LIKE housework.  Also cooking. What is it that (some) people like about cooking? I don't like anything about it, except possibly planning meals. I kinda sorta like finding interesting recipes that I've never tried before. But the execution never lives up to my hopes and dreams. I have trouble staying in the moment, with cooking. There isn't enough happening to occupy my brain, possibly because you have to wait for things to happen, onions to soften and that sort of thing. With other types of manual labor, such as sewing (which I like better), you can mostly just work along, no waiting. Of course, housework doesn't require much waiting, but I still hate it. It's just so stupid and mindless -- and yet sometimes hard.

It seems terrible to be spending most of my time doing things I hate.

But in fact, I spent a lot of time this week doing something I like, so why am I complaining? Last week I posted a photo of an array of books that I was planning to read in October, eight of them. Well, I read five of them this week, yes, five, so now I need a new batch. That is, I still have three left over from last week (the bottom row of this picture), but I've added three more (the top row). All of these are ghost stories, of various types. I thought I might try to slow down a little, read two books each of the three remaining weeks of the month. We'll see.

But anyway, I can't say I didn't do anything fun this week. I read along like a madwoman.

***

What else happened this week? To us, not a lot. My knee got better, though I think I should still see a doctor about it. The cats behaved themselves. The kids behaved themselves, although Teen A did manage to snap his glasses in half last night, right in front of me (he was cleaning them). He glued them back together and we rushed off to Costco this morning and ordered new ones. 

This afternoon we went over to CU for our yearly visit (for this big study we've been participating in for six years now). It wasn't an MRI year, so the kids just played games and answered questions, and I filled out questionnaires about them, answering impossible questions such as "Do any of your child's friends use marijuana?" How would I know? I don't even know who all their friends are. I just answered no to everything -- marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, inhalants, stimulants, etc. As long as I don't know, it's no ("don't know" wasn't one of the choices, interestingly enough).

Each year we've done this, the payout has increased: this year, even without an MRI, the kids earned $75 each, and I earned $150. I'm going to spend some of my $150 on dinner tonight -- we're going to get McDonald's. Bad Mom. Very bad Mom. I don't care.

What will the kids do with their $75? Teen B will probably save most of his, but Teen A is another story. He likes to hang out with friends after school -- maybe he'll buy some of those substances they were asking him about in the study. Or maybe he'll spend it on Roblox. I'm guessing Roblox. Maybe next year or the year after I'll need to worry about where the money goes.

Which is not to say I don't worry about my kids. This week there was another crazy incident involving a student at their school -- #5 so far this year, for those keeping track at home. This was something new: a 14-year-old girl gone missing for the past week, since the football game on September 30th (which she attended, wearing the school colors). The police have decided she's a runaway, so they haven't been doing anything, even though she apparently has mental and physical issues for which she takes medication (which she doesn't have with her). She doesn't even have a phone (unless she has one her parents don't know about), so they're not sure if messages supposedly sent from her to her friends are actually coming from her. She was last seen with two "older men, too old to be in high school." It is believed the older men may be drug dealers with violent pasts. They may be from Longmont (that made me laugh -- Boulderites always think the bad guys live in Longmont). 

Last year, right before the end of middle school, there was a 14-year-old girl in the kids' class who ran off with an older man and the police pursued that pretty vigilantly. I don't understand why they're not treating this case the same way. Maybe because they're understaffed? 

I look at my kids and think, what if they ran off with some older guys from Longmont? Would the police do nothing? I know they have hair on their legs and their voices have deepened, but they're still kids. Totally kids. 

High school is a very strange place. And here I thought middle school was bad.

I don't know if it's worth mentioning that I don't blame the parents. I don't know anything about them, but regardless, I don't blame them. Teenagers are crazy. 

I also keep thinking about the two kids in their school who died by suicide, one a few weeks before school started and one on the first day of school. What do their parents think when they hear about this girl going missing? Do they think, well, at least we didn't have to go through that? or do they wish their kids were alive no matter what? I'm guessing the latter.

Well, another week of beautiful October is coming up. Even if I'm depressed, I will look at the beautiful leaves and the bright blue skies and try to enjoy them. And I will try to be happy that the tile guy is here. And I hope that girl comes home.

I need October

October! Month that I -- and most people -- love! And things are looking so down right now. I really need some of October's joy, but instead I'm wondering whether I'm going to make it through.

Don't worry, it's not that bad. As I keep telling myself. I am not in Florida, I did not just suffer the wrath of Hurricane Ian. Really, things are fine. But I do have concerns, such as...

1. Rocket Boy's job. Yes, he still has it, but the powers that be have announced that he can no longer work part of the time in Colorado. His duty station is in Missouri and he must stay in Missouri. He can only go to Colorado for vacations (with prior approval of his boss) and he cannot do any work while he's here.

This means he's not going to show up sometime this coming week to spend October with us. I'm thinking of flying him out for a long weekend, two weeks from now (we did that last year, too), but maybe we should just save his vacation days for Thanksgiving break and Christmas. I don't know. I'm very sad about this. He's very sad too -- he's been wishing he could spend MORE time with the boys, not less. So he's going to start applying for jobs in Colorado, but at his age, hmm. Maybe his clearance will make him more desirable. I don't know. I suspect it means I'm going to have to take over as the family breadwinner sooner rather than later -- but who would hire ME at this point? More importantly, who would give me health insurance?

Anyway, I go back and forth about this, but it's definitely a source of stress right now. Stress that may have had something to do with...

2. My left knee going out. Almost 17 years ago, in October 2005, on the night my grand-nephew Josh was born, I was sitting at my desk and I moved my right leg a certain way, and a little piece of my meniscus, that was already torn (unbeknownst to me), flipped up and caught in the knee joint. I could not get it loose, and Rocket Boy was in Wyoming, and I ended up riding in an ambulance to the emergency room the next day, and 6 weeks later I had knee surgery. So I'm a little paranoid about the weird things that knees can do, out of the blue, with no warning. 

Yesterday Teen B took part in a concert at his high school (all 12 musical groups performed), and while I was sitting in the auditorium during the first part, my left knee suddenly went out. It felt exactly like the right knee used to feel (it "went out" many times before that final terrible night in 2005). The pain was terrible, and I was sitting in the middle of a row of seats, people on both sides (though fortunately no one right next to me). I couldn't get up, I couldn't leave, I couldn't make any noise (one of the orchestras was playing). I managed to move sideways in my seat, grab my kneecap and manipulate it, until finally things snapped back into place.

I stood up for the 2nd part of the concert, which took place in the courtyard (see photo), and for the 3rd part, back in the auditorium -- I just leaned against a wall. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to drive home, but I managed it. Once home, I took painkillers and propped my leg up and WORRIED. What if it happens again and I need surgery and Rocket Boy isn't allowed to work in Colorado? 

My worries actually kept me from sleeping, which is unusual for me. On top of all this nonsense about my knee and Rocket Boy's job, I'm worried about...

3. The shower wall & tile replacement. Which is scheduled to start on October 10th. This is a good thing, right? It is a good thing. We need the work done so much (I'm including this photo, even though I've posted it before, to remind me of how much the work needs to be done). But it's going to be very expensive (a worry when our breadwinner is having second thoughts about his job) and it's supposed to take a couple of weeks, during which time we won't be able to take showers (and I won't be able to use the toilet during the day while the tile guy is here). We only have one bathroom, and I am an old lady who needs to pee a lot. 

Fortunately the pandemic shutdown is over, we'll be able to use the bathroom at the library or the grocery store, and we can take showers at the rec center. Every other night we'll have to drive to the rec center to take showers. I plan to ask our next-door neighbor if we can occasionally use her bathroom, but I don't want to push that too far.

But what if my knee goes out and I can't drive us to the rec center or myself to the library, etc.? Rocket Boy was supposed to be here during this project, but now of course he can't be.

On top of everything else, I still hadn't gotten the tile! I say hadn't, because that was one of my worries last night, but today I pulled myself together and went and got it. Even with my stiff and sore left knee (my right leg was also stiff and sore, from a bad leg cramp I had last night after I finally fell asleep), I drove out to the Westminster Lowe's, made a snap choice of tile, and bought 8 boxes of 25 tiles each. And drove them home again. And the twins unloaded them from the car and now they are on the back porch. So at least I got that done. 

They aren't wonderful and beautiful, but they're adequate, and that's done. It's enough for the tile guy to get started a week from tomorrow. Oh God.

***

Anyway, it's October. Yay! Must get in the mood, must enjoy this beautiful month. The leaves are starting to turn, fruit trees are groaning, all sorts of little berries and pods are bursting. I love looking for signs of fall when I go on my walks (which I am trying to get better about). 

I kind of have to rethink October this year, since Rocket Boy won't be here (except maybe for a long weekend). We won't be doing lots of weekend activities. I'll try to get the kids to a pumpkin patch, but I don't want to go far afield, because of my stupid knee. Maybe it will get better and I can stop worrying about it. Maybe that was just a fluke thing.

I finished the biography of Grover Cleveland and to my surprise also raced through a Classics Challenge book (see previous post), so now I feel free to spend October reading only fun stuff. Here are my current choices: four ghost stories, two mysteries, and a couple of books set in modern Japan. I've noticed that I seem to be drawn to books about Japan right now. For example, I went to the main library yesterday to get an Icelandic ghost story (I Remember You, top left) but came home with the whole top row (the rest are Japanese). They jump out at me from the shelves. My book group is reading The Woman in Black, so that'll be fun, and they're coming to my house on the 24th, so that'll be fun too. I sure hope the bathroom is done by then. OMG.

But Rocket Boy won't be here for me to snuggle up to at night after I scare myself silly with these books. He's not usually here for Halloween anymore, but oh heck, I was expecting him. I'm disappointed. Well, disappointment. It happens. We'll survive. I just have to keep telling myself that.

Reading post: No-No Boy

I have finished my eleventh book for the 2022 Classics Challenge: No-No Boy by John Okada, published in 1957. I chose it to fulfill category #2: A 20th century classic. My last three books have been about Japanese-American life before (Yokohama, California), during (Citizen 13660), and both before and during (Nisei Daughter) the internment camps, and now this is a book about what happened after the camps. It is a true classic, not just because of its age but because it's actually a really good book.

John Okada was a little younger than my last author, Monica Sone -- she was born in 1919 and he was born in 1923 -- but they were both from Seattle, both grew up in hotels that their fathers ran, both attended the University of Washington, and both ended up in the Minidoka internment camp in Idaho. They must have known each other, but there is no record of this. I assume Okada would have read Nisei Daughter, published four years before his novel. 

But we don't know. Okada died very young, age 47, of a heart attack, and his wife, after trying and failing to interest UCLA in his papers, burned them all. So there are no records. His only published novel had sunk without a trace and not until 1969 was it rediscovered by a group of young Asian-Americans in Berkeley, wondering about their history, who found an old copy in a used bookstore. By the time they went looking for him, he was dead (in 1971). They got the book reprinted in 1976 and it became an instant classic, 19 years after its original publication.

I started reading No-No Boy on September 30th, and read the first chapter. I thought I'd read another chapter or two on October 1st -- then why not a few more -- and ended up finishing it around 3 am that night (I had insomnia). It's a really good book. It's gritty and depressing and three major characters die over the course of the novel, but overall it has a note of hope. It's not a downer.

No-No Boy tells the (fictional) story of Ichiro Yamada, called Itchy, who answered "no" to the two "loyalty questions" asked of Japanese Americans in the internment camps. Because of his answers, he was sent to prison for two years instead of enlisting in the military. The story begins when Itchy has been released from prison and comes home to Seattle. Almost immediately he runs into someone he used to know, a young man who answered "yes" to the questions and served in the military. He spits on Itchy and calls him a "rotten, no-good bastard." This gives us a taste of the reception Itchy will receive from many people in Seattle, especially other Japanese Americans.

I felt as though the action in the book took place over a few weeks, but looking at it now I notice that it's autumn when Itchy arrives in Seattle and by Chapter 8 it's March, so I must have missed some mention of time passing. Doesn't matter. Whether it's six months or six weeks, the book follows Itchy around as he interacts with his parents, brother, and old friends who were also no-no boys or who fought in the war, applies for jobs, drinks, smokes, and thinks about his situation. Gradually he grows up, matures, comes to a kind of understanding. By the end of the book you're pretty sure Itchy is going to be OK.

I learned some interesting things about Japanese-American society from this book. Itchy's mother doesn't believe Japan lost the war, thinks all the news is fake, like some crazy QAnon conspiracy theorist of today. She is proud of her son for being a no-no boy and doesn't want to have anything to do with veterans who fought against Japan or their families. I didn't know there were people like that, but apparently so. 

No-No Boy is not an autobiographical novel -- John Okada said "yes, yes" and fought in the Pacific as a translator. That makes it even more interesting, because people like him were supposed to hate the no-no boys. Instead he was able to write this sensitive, insightful novel about what it was like for people like Itchy. He also touches on the dangers of prejudice against all groups of people, with special mention in a couple of places of prejudice against Jews and Blacks. Honestly, Okada sounds like he must have been such a nice person. The saddest thing about the book is that he only wrote one and died at age 47.

The edition I read (from 2014) has a foreword by Ruth Ozeki, an introduction by Lawson Fusao Inada, and an afterword by Frank Chin from which I pulled out this quote:

Think of being born to a people who have no culture, no literature, no writing, no writers, except in some past across an ocean.

This is a pretty good summing up of what I've encountered during this year's Classics Challenge. There is very little, if any, connection between Japanese literature and Japanese-American literature -- and life. In No-No Boy, Okada seems to be arguing that holding on to one's original country (as his mother does) is not a good idea and can even be dangerous and destructive, especially to your children. And yet, what can you do when everyone around you insists on identifying you as a "Jap"? Who are you, really? German Americans looked enough like Americans whose ancestors came from Britain to vanish into that group. Japanese Americans couldn't do that. 

Well, I have one more book left in this year's Challenge, and I will probably read it in November. But this was a good one. I highly recommend No-No Boy.