Mom's day

I looked back at last week's post, my plans for a lovely pink month full of flowers. Things are going pretty well with that. Seriously, they are.

The most important thing I did this week was to message my cardiologist about the beta blocker. The drug was making me crazier and crazier, to the point where I was worried about my ability to hang on to reality. I felt more and more anxious, couldn't stop playing games on my phone. I was craving chocolate and other sweets all day long. And I just felt so sad! In my message, I briefly described the problem and asked if I could stop taking metoprolol. A nurse responded, telling me to hang on until my appointment on the 18th. Great, I thought. I'll probably be in a mental hospital by then. I called the pharmacy and asked them to refill the prescription. But then another message arrived, from another nurse: the doctor says yes, you can stop taking the beta blocker. Hallelujah! I called the pharmacy back and cancelled the refill, and then waited for the evening, when I could NOT take metoprolol. I took four pills (not five!) with joy.

By the next morning I already felt better. And I felt better and better the next couple of days. My energy gradually came back. The anxiety, in particular, vanished. I was able to put down my phone. I stopped stuffing my face with sweets. And I felt happier, which is quite something considering all the awful news about abortion rights, family stuff I won't discuss here, and of course Ukraine. My blood pressure has gone up a little, which was to be expected, but the Losartan that I'm still taking is keeping it more or less in the normal range.

Also, I can once again do Wordle and Quordle! I don't know if that is related to the beta blocker (it could be), or if the drugs they gave me for the cardiac cath finally wore off. Anyway, the part of my brain that does word problems seems to be functioning normally again. 

I planned to take a walk every day this week and I managed it four days out of seven, which is good considering a couple of days were cold and rainy and I didn't want to go out. But then it warmed up. One evening, Teen B and I actually walked over to the school to play basketball, like we did so often last summer/fall. The night sky was lovely. Today we are planning to take a hike with Rocket Boy.

It's very weird to know that the drug affected me so much -- especially since there have been these studies supposedly showing that beta blockers do NOT cause depression and anxiety. I know my own brain and I know what metoprolol did to me. Beta blockers such as metoprolol are lipophilic, so they cross the blood-brain barrier. Here is a comment I found in an article:

For decades, beta-adrenergic blocking agents have been known to cause adverse CNS [central nervous system] effects including psychiatric syndromes, bizarre and vivid dreams, sleep disturbances, delirium, psychosis and visual hallucinations.

I don't think my dreams were extra vivid while taking the drug, and I didn't hallucinate, but "psychiatric syndromes" (I'm guessing they meant "symptoms"?) might describe what I experienced, and "psychosis" would have been next. I will have to tell my regular doctor and the cardiologist that beta blockers are not good drugs for me, or if I have to take them, probably I should be on one that is more hydrophilic. It's already in my chart that I can't take phentermine, because it made me suicidal, and I had trouble with lisinopril because of anxiety.

It embarrasses me to have this problem, this extreme sensitivity to mental health side effects of medication. Like my psyche is very fragile, or easily disturbed. But anyway. No more beta blocker. On with my life.

***

Rocket Boy arrived home last night, bringing armloads of chocolate for Mother's Day -- just after I stopped being so interested in sweets. Actually, that doesn't matter. It's the thought that makes me happy, his eagerness to give me something I would like, even if he doesn't get it right. There's nothing I'd rather have -- I don't want jewelry or electronics or gift cards or bouquets of flowers, though I hope we will go shopping for flowers to PLANT later today. So he might as well bring chocolate. In the old days he used to be stingy with chocolate because he thought it would make me fat. Now he doesn't worry about it, and I appreciate that. Makes me feel accepted and loved.

He's going to stay for three weeks, leave Memorial Day weekend (possibly taking a twin with him, we'll see). As always, it's so nice to have him here! I always think the cats don't think it's so wonderful, because they can't sleep with me on the bed at night (no room). But they are currently both sound asleep on his suitcases, which we had to cover with a blanket because the first thing they did when he carried his suitcases inside and set them up on the card table was to lie on them and shed a whole lot of hairs. I removed the hairs with tape and we put down this blanket -- and they both settled down for a nap. So I think they too like having him here, or at least they acknowledge that he's part of the family and thus needs to be covered with cat hairs.

I made dinner last night (cornbread, beans, salad, and watermelon) and we ate as soon as RB arrived, around 7 pm. This morning we did our usual Sunday morning Starbucks run, and we'll eat out somewhere tonight -- I don't care where. Just so long as I don't have to cook, I'm good (we ended up going back to Village Inn).

I didn't do a lot of cooking this week. Another book group friend brought us a whole pan of veggie lasagna on Monday, and we ate that for a few days. It was yummy. Other than that we mostly had sandwiches for dinner. One night we went to Subway. One night we went to McDonald's. Bad mom. Very bad mom. 

I did do one bit of cooking though, or baking actually. Friday would have been my sweet mother's 100th birthday, so that day I made sugar cookies, in springtime shapes (butterfly, hummingbird, bunny, etc.). I think she would have been pleased. They're almost all gone already. I hadn't baked in a long time, and the twins were excited.

***

The twins have only three weeks of middle school left! Less than that -- two weeks and four days, and the last day (May 26th) is just graduation and a party, plus there's another day in there when they go to Elitch's, and another day they'll be visiting the Boulder Technical Education Center, which Teen A is interested in (it's a place to learn job skills, so you can get a good job after high school without worrying about college). 

Teen B's last concert of the year is Tuesday night. The last day to turn in late homework and projects is this Friday, so I think we'll be spending a lot of time doing make-up work together this week. It will be nice to have Rocket Boy here to help with all that, instead of having to do it over the phone.

We did go for that hike, by the way -- Rocket Boy wanted to do the Bobolink Trail, but I wanted something different, so I searched up "boulder wildflower hikes" and found a recommendation for the Shanahan Ridge trail. Only saw a couple of yellow wildflowers, but the trail runs very close to houses at the start and we saw this pretty flowering tree that must be a volunteer from a tree in someone's yard. We hiked for about half an hour, then turned around and hiked back -- there's a loop you can do, but it's 4 or 5 miles, and that's a bit much for me. 

And on the way home we stopped at the flower stand at Table Mesa and bought some annuals (linaria, lobelia, verbena, violets, and marigolds) which I'll probably plant tomorrow. Just the beginning, of course -- I plan to buy many more. But you have to start somewhere.