Sunday, January 16, 2022

Resolutions, plans, hopes

It's January 16th, so it's way past time for my 2022 resolutions, despite the fact that I feel unable to accomplish anything at the moment. Yep, I'm falling down into a depression -- though I hope, not unreasonably, that I won't fall too far. I know so much about my form of depression, after some 40 years of living with it. I know the type of things that trigger it and what helps it. It would be nice to have a therapist to talk to, but I think every good therapist in Boulder County is really busy right now.

So I'm just trying to stick with what I know. Eat vegetables, go for walks, don't stay up too late, keep after myself to do things, little things, anything -- don't just give up on everything. Don't dwell on upsetting topics, such as the fire, voter suppression, and what a terrible mother I am. Try to think about what I can do to help the people whose houses burned, not just about how dreadful everything is. Connect with other people, focus on loving the twins instead of (just) yelling at them. And spend time on what makes me happy, like reading and writing.

Those sound like resolutions, actually. But before I talk about them in more detail, let's review 2021's "achievements," very loosely defined.

2021 Achievements

  • As I've mentioned before, I read 131 books, the most ever, including 12 books for the Classics Challenge (and winning the $30 prize, which was fun), and four Presidential biographies. I only saw 23 movies (the goal was 26), and watched almost no TV that I can remember, so that's probably why I managed to read so much. 
  • I achieved a lot of basic medical goals: got the kids a new doctor, got myself a new doctor (and found a replacement for her at the end of the year), got eye exams and new glasses for all three of us, saw a podiatrist and a dermatologist, started Teen B on his orthodontia journey, got us all vaccinated and me boosted, and survived parathyroid surgery (barely). Every year I hope to lose weight, and almost every year I fail, but this year I lost 15 pounds, probably mainly due to metformin, which I had to start taking due to being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Taking regular walks probably helped too. I was down a little more at one point and I gained a little back, but things seem to be pretty stable for now (I weighed exactly the same this morning as I did on January 1st).
  • I didn't work but I saved lots of Rocket Boy's earnings, and I also donated a fair amount of money (not sure exactly how much).
  • I made a lot of home repair type plans, but almost none of it got done -- only repairs on the rental house. We did a lot for that house, including fence repair, gutter repair, a new over-the-stove microwave, and a new "whole house fan" to help with summer cooling.
  • With the continuation of Covid-19, I didn't try to do much in-person socializing (except the book group), but I kept in touch with friends via Zoom and through writing letters. I wrote this blog faithfully and I also started a writing project -- a middle grade novel -- though I kind of let that lapse these past few months.

2022 Goals/Plans/Resolutions

OK, so this is a little difficult. I'm depressed, so I'm barely functioning. No, that's not true -- I'm feeding the cats, getting the kids off to school, reading, writing this blog. But I'm dragging myself through all of it. Yesterday I had a zoom call with old friends and it was physically hard for me, even though it gave me a lift to see everybody. I didn't want to talk about my depression -- because there's nothing to say -- and I didn't have much else to contribute. I also was a little snarkier than I wanted to be. One of my goals this year is to try to be kind to people. That is harder to do when you're low, I find. 

But, plans and goals have always been good for me, so I'm going to go ahead and make plans and set goals, using the format that I found rather successful last year, with things divided into daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly goals. Here goes:

My Daily goals:

  • Go for a walk or get some other type of exercise (preferably involving twins, at least on weekends). Twice a week this should include lifting weights.
  • Help/encourage the kids with their schoolwork (most weekdays and at least one weekend day)
  • Clean the kitchen (usually mornings, sometimes evenings)
  • Spend at least 15 minutes cleaning this week's room
  • Make dinner or otherwise arrange for it to happen (leftovers, takeout, whatever)
  • Clean the cat boxes (every other day is probably OK too)
  • Read
  • Write (doesn't have to be every day, but a few times a week would be nice)
  • Get at least 7-1/2 hours of sleep at night

My Weekly goals:

  • Bake something, with a twin's help. Teaching the twins to cook last year went OK for a while and then the grocery store shooting in March kind of wiped me out and I stopped doing it. I thought an easier approach this year would be to bake with them. Haven't done it yet. We'll see whether I can get this started.
  • Watch a movie with the kids OR go do something fun, per my monthly goal below.
  • Blog (usually Sunday)
  • Pay bills, put money into savings, and donate money (Fridays -- the donating and saving money is only the Fridays when Rocket Boy gets paid)
  • Work on the current home improvement project (see Quarterly goals below)

My Monthly goals:

  • Decide on a theme for the month, a way to get through it and enjoy it
  • Make contact with at least one friend or family member: coffee, letter, or phone call are all fine.
  • Read the book for the book group
  • Read a book for the Classics Challenge
  • Take the twins somewhere fun
  • Work on one of the smaller goals on my master list (which I won't include here; it changes a lot)

My Quarterly/Yearly goals:

  • Read a presidential biography
  • Work on a home improvement project
  • Try to be kind to people, including myself

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I should have set all this up at the beginning of the month, but it's January and I'm depressed, so no worries. So, better late than never, here we go.

Quarter 1: January through March

  • My next President is #20, James Garfield, and I found a book about him at the Bookworm yesterday: Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine, and the Murder of a President by Candice Millard, who is a wonderful writer. I may have to read a second book, because this isn't a traditional biography, but it's a place to start.
  • Home improvement project: Last year my 1st quarter project was the files, and guess what, here it is again. I did make some progress last year, but there's so much more to be done. Plus, I need to prepare to do the taxes. So this is my goal once again. Sigh.

Month of January:

  • A theme, hmm. It's January -- the theme is stay warm and survive. Do I need more than that? If I do, then how about "appreciate the stark beauty of the winter landscape." Something like that. Only two weeks left, anyway.
  • I had that Zoom call with old friends yesterday, and I also need to write to two friends who had major losses in 2021. Maybe by February I'll feel like actual socializing.
  • The next book group book is My Tender Matador by Pedro Lemebel (because it's set in Chile and one member is going to Chile), but we don't meet until February 7th, so I haven't started it yet.
  • I need to finalize my choices for the Classics Challenge. More on that later.
  • This would have been a good weekend to do something with the twins, but it's just not happening. Maybe next weekend. Or we could just stay home until covid calms down.
  • I guess my small goal will be to figure out what to do about Teen B's orthodontia issues. We all go to the dentist this week and he sees his regular doctor the week after. Maybe I can have some conversations. Sigh. Other than that, I can work on applying to be a substitute teacher, which is very complicated because first I have to get a license. I've filled out some of the forms, but I'm dragging my feet on the next step. We'll see how it goes. Probably no huge hurry, since I may be too depressed right now to be a good sub.

Week of January 16-22:

  • Monday (MLK Day): The kids and I may go see a movie, but we're not sure yet. I need to plan the week's meals and grocery shop (at Safeway, since King Soopers is on strike). The room to be cleaned this week is the office, so I can start sifting through the piles (also my quarterly home improvement project).
  • Tuesday: Cook something that will have leftovers.
  • Wednesday: Go to the dentist (me in the morning, twins after school). There's a meeting at their future high school in the evening.
  • Thursday: Cook something that will have leftovers.
  • Friday: Pay bills, and since it's payday, donate money and put money in savings.
  • Saturday: Eat out, maybe watch a movie with the kids. Maybe go do a special activity, if I'm feeling ambitious. If not, don't worry about it. Stay warm.

I have absolutely no interest in doing any of this. But plans and goals are good for me, as long as they're not too onerous. Today has been an OK day -- I managed to get the kitchen cleaned, all the recycling that was piling up, and the handwashing, and I did the twins' laundry, went to the library, went for a walk with the twins, and we ate out since we didn't do that last night. I just kept pushing myself along, and gradually things got done. Now I feel tired, with the depression creeping in again, so I'm going to get off the computer, take my shower, and go to bed with a book.

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