Another October week

Moving along into October, it's been a productive week. Last week I set up a nice cleaning schedule for myself and of course -- didn't follow it. But I partly followed it, and that's good enough for me. I didn't do everything on the right days, but that's OK too. I partially cleaned the bathroom on Wednesday, which means I only have to partially clean it this week to get it in pretty good shape. I didn't vacuum on Friday! but I'll vacuum this week, closer to Rocket Boy's arrival, and that will be fine. I didn't dust, but I did work on clutter. Etc. I also spent many more hours than planned on the files, because once I got past one impossible file drawer (full of newspaper clippings from the 1980s), it got easier and I could really make progress. I hope to spend several more hours on the files this week, so that I can demonstrate to Rocket Boy that I am starting to gain control over them (which I do feel is happening) (though there's a long way to go).  

I should make a plan for the next four days, just so I don't forget to do something I really want to do before he gets home. The goal is to have him walk in the door and say, "The house looks nice!" instead of "Oh, God, I guess I'll have to spend time cleaning." I have enough on his to-do list already, don't want to have to add whatever cleaning tasks he decides are necessary.

I also devoted myself extensively to reading this week, and finished three of the four spooky books I'd gotten from the library. The fourth turned out to be very dumb, so I took it back unfinished. But I know a lot more about witches and Halloween in general than I did before. I keep checking the calendar to be sure I have time to read what I want to, which is kind of silly. It's hard to enjoy a book if you're always counting pages and looking at the clock. Whatever doesn't get read this month can get read another month.

I am moving up the library's hold list for the Book Group book (The Midnight Library) -- now #51 (last week I was #85). If I can just get to the top of the list by October 24th I'll be OK (the book group meets October 25th). Amazon says it's 304 pages, but I've read multiple reviews that say it's a quick read, so there must be a lot of white space, not too much text on the pages. Oh, and the chapters are supposedly short and numerous, so that would add in a lot of blank pages, or at least white space. I'll probably have to decide on food before I see the book, which could be a problem since we always try to tie the food to the book. But the Internet can be helpful here. Aha! The main character is a vegan. Broccoli pasta is what one site recommends, black bean tacos, lentil dal, Brazilian honey cakes (could make those). And peppermint tea -- that one's easy. Well, I think I'll just scope out vegan restaurants, of which there are some in Boulder. Hopefully one is open on Mondays -- it's quite a problem that we meet on a day when so many restaurants are closed. It was easier when we didn't serve dinner, but now that we meet at 5:30, dinner is a requirement. Ah, well, everything changes.

Speaking of cooking, I did pretty well this week. On Monday I made pasta with a salad -- just dumped a jar of tomato sauce on top of spaghetti, but I thought it was OK. The twins didn't like it, though, because it was "Creamy Rosé Tomato & Cream Sauce." I don't like standard tomato pasta sauce, too harsh, so I always buy varieties with cream or cheese, but then the kids think it tastes weird. OK, so maybe that wasn't such a good day. Tuesday, they insisted we get takeout, because we hadn't eaten out on the weekend. So we ordered from Oregano's, a restaurant near us that has never fully reopened -- you can get takeout but you can't eat there. Big mistake. The food was dreadful, so greasy, and just bad. Sorry, Oregano's, in our opinion you might as well give up and close completely. Wednesday, I ate some of the leftovers for lunch and made myself sick, so I told the kids to make ramen for themselves and I would just lie on my bed and moan. 

OK, none of this is sounding good AT ALL, but Thursday I redeemed myself. I made "Skillet Curried Vegetables and Couscous" from one of Jeanne Lemlin's cookbooks and the twins actually liked it, despite the curry flavors. We had leftovers on Friday, and to go with them I made "Cheese Scones" from another of Lemlin's cookbooks. Despite the clash of flavor profiles, they were good and everyone was happy. Saturday we got boring takeout from Snarf's, and tonight I am planning to make "Stir-Fried Broccoli and Tofu in Peanut Sauce," also a Lemlin recipe.

Oh, and I also made cookies -- was that Tuesday? They were gone very quickly.

No idea what I'll cook this coming week. I'll think about that tomorrow. If I can stretch tonight's dinner for two meals, then I'll need something for Tuesday/Wednesday and Thursday/Friday (Rocket Boy will be home for that one). Saturday we can eat out (the twins have already decided on Chinese food) and Sunday we might go to the cabin, so we'll have something along the way. OK, so I'll have to think of two meals. Like I said, tomorrow is time enough for that.

I'm not feeling very creative or inspired this afternoon, probably because I didn't get enough sleep last night. I usually talk to Rocket Boy every night -- we miss a night or two here and there, but not many -- and last night I realized that I hadn't spoken to him for the previous two nights. So I called, but there was no answer and he didn't call me back. That made it THREE nights in a row, which is very unusual, and so I started to worry.

When I worry about Rocket Boy not calling, I move very quickly to assuming he's dead. This sort of catastrophizing is pretty much the way my mind always works, but with him I think I'm always a little worried in the back of my mind because he's 878 miles away. This balloons into serious, tragic worrying with only the tiniest provocation. Three nights of not calling, I thought. The cellulitis must have recurred and now he's lying in bed in his apartment, dead for two days. 

Once I've decided he's dead, I move quickly to what I'm going to do about it. Do I cry, do I grieve? No (because in the back of my mind I don't really think he's dead). Instead, I start thinking about how I'm going to get to St. Louis to deal with the body and clean out his apartment. I will have to bring the twins because there is no one to leave them with, but I don't want them to miss school. I will need a functioning phone (I still haven't set up my new phone). I will have to write an obituary. Should we have a memorial service? On and on, all the details. Last night I worked them out in my mind while playing endless computer solitaire (this is after putting the twins to bed and feeding the cats, so it's getting later and later -- normally I turn my computer off before I put the twins to bed, to avoid this sort of bad behavior). 

Finally, I went to the kitchen to get a snack and noticed my phone on the counter, blinking. I looked at it -- Rocket Boy had sent a text a few hours earlier showing a museum he went to this weekend. He was alive.

So then I felt ridiculous, but I still couldn't calm down and go to bed because I had to come down from the stress of thinking about his death. I finally got myself off the computer and into bed, but then I had to read for a while. I finally turned off my light around 2 am. And got up at 8:30 am, so yeah, I'm a little tired. I'm making a list in my mind of what I have to do before I can go to bed again:

• Make dinner
• Take a walk
• Serve dinner
  
• Talk to Rocket Boy...
• Clean the kitchen
  
• Put the twins to bed
• Feed the cats
• Take a shower
• Read for a little while
  
• Ahhhhhh -- bedtime!
  

I'll get there, but oh how I wish I could skip the first eight items on the list, crawl into bed with a book, read for a few minutes, and pass out.

Here is a photo of some loving kitties, who in fact at this moment are curled up together on my bed, along with Teen B. I would like to be on the bed too, but there is no room. Maybe instead I'll go mix up the sauce for the broccoli and tofu. The joys of motherhood are without number (a joke I never get tired of). 

So, a busy week ahead: lots more cleaning and going through files, a meeting on Tuesday, a blood test on Wednesday (and at some point I really should get a flu shot), and on Thursday afternoon, if all goes well, Rocket Boy!