So the kids and I are hunkering down for the winter. Fortunately it's pretty calm right now, chilly but not too cold, and we didn't have any new snow this week (just high winds, which removed last weekend's snow and did not damage the roof). We might get some snow tomorrow, but not a lot. At least that's what they're saying today.
The coronavirus is truly scary right now. Over 397,000 dead -- it was just 300,000 a month ago! I'm trying to be a little more careful, especially with the new, more contagious variant blowing around, but really I'm just hoping for the vaccine. Since they've dropped the age to 65, Rocket Boy is eligible to get it, but who knows how soon he will, in weird Missouri.
Too many things on the list
Do I have too many goals this year? or is basic housework all I can realistically accomplish given my advanced age? Is even housework too much for me? Each morning I look at my list for the day and blanch. And yet, when I had a job, I often got many more things than that done in 8 hours -- and then went home and did a lot more.
Is it because, in my heart of hearts, I think this?
I don't really have to clean the kitchen. We're not going to DIE if I don't clean the kitchen.
The urgency just isn't there. Still, it is January, when everyone is a bit low energy. I should have a little more patience with myself. And remember that life is very pleasant when the kitchen is clean.
On Tuesday as Rocket Boy was putting the last few things in his car before driving off to Missouri, I got a text from our tenant next door, asking us to please fix her leaking gutters, because it's a safety issue. We told her we'd get right on it (and we did, sort of -- I left a message for the gutter people that evening, they didn't call back, I got RB to call the gutter people from St. Louis later in the week, he talked to them, they said they might drop by yesterday, they didn't, maybe this week).
After RB drove off, Kid B threw a fit because his Chromebook was acting up, and Kid A noticed that one of our new cats, Priscilla, was meowing in a very hoarse voice. After panicking briefly, I called the school district's IT department, and they walked me through a "cleaning" process, after which the Chromebook worked better. Then I called the vet about Priscilla and they said to watch her for a few days and call back if her voice didn't improve (she was better the next day).
Oh, and the next day, I got an email from the department at CU where Kid B is going for an evaluation next month, reminding me that I hadn't filled out a case history. Then I remembered a bunch of other things to send them, some of which needed to be scanned. I'm still working on this, four days later.
Almost every day has unexpected stuff like that. I need to be more flexible.
Undone stuff cluttering up the next day's list
In other words, stuff I don't get done on Monday gets pushed to Tuesday, stuff I don't get done on Tuesday gets pushed to Wednesday, and so on. I'm trying to figure out how not to have that happen. And yet, isn't that just life? Stuff comes up, you have to handle it, other stuff gets pushed to another day, and suddenly it's Sunday, the Day of Rest, and you have 14 things on your to-do list.
Actually, it was 16. Some of them got done.
Monday is impossible, because I have to be so involved, but Tuesday and Wednesday aren't easy either, even though the teachers are in charge.
For one thing, I can't be noisy when the kids are trying to concentrate. That eliminates vacuuming, which I always seem to feel like doing when they're in math class or whatever. It also means I can't do their laundry, because one of them is always working in their bedroom, and every other day I can't do my laundry, because Kid A likes to work in my bedroom (when it isn't his turn for their bedroom). Kid B likes to work on the living room couch when it's not his turn for their bedroom, which means I can't do the dishes (too much noisy splashing) or bake (the mixer is too loud). And of course I can't watch TV.
I also find that I can't do anything that requires a lot of concentration, because I always have to be ready to jump up and help with a crisis. That means reading and writing aren't really great choices either. I could go for a walk, but, same problem. I need to be here.
Ultimately, I seem to spend most of "teacher-led school at home" playing computer solitaire. Which is not on my to-do list.
Even though I swear I've seen it within the last two months, I couldn't find my copy of Strong Women Stay Young, so I couldn't lift weights. The state of our office and our files and our unfiled paperwork filled me with such horror that I couldn't even begin to work on it. This weekend I planned to spend a little time getting organized so that next week will go better, but it didn't happen. Still can't find that book! It may be time to order a new copy. The day it arrives, my copy will miraculously reappear.
I don't want to do this stuff, duh
Many of the items on the list are things I don't want to do (dishes, cleaning). Some are things I really REALLY don't want to do, such as find a new doctor for myself. I wasted over two hours one day this week agonizing over that (and still didn't do it). How can I make my tasks more fun? or mix in fun things with the hard things? Or reward myself for doing the hard things?
I finally tried the meditation class. My knee was hurting so I sat on a chair. The mostly enlightened woman was there on a cushion. I'd wondered what happened to her. At the end, she asked Margot a question or what she seemed to think was a question.
"I have been fortunate enough to spend a great deal of time in the melted ego world. But I find I have trouble coming back to the differentiated world, the one you were just talking about where you have to wash the dishes and take out the garbage."
She was very pregnant, six months maybe. Oh, don't worry, I thought, the differentiated world is coming for your ass.
That made me laugh. I still marvel at my complete innocence of what was coming at me when I was six months pregnant.
Not enough sleep
One of my resolutions is to get enough sleep, but some of the other resolutions interfered with that. I stayed up too late trying to finish things. Also, the kids went back to in-person school for two days this week, so we had to get up earlier on Thursday and Friday. Did I go to bed earlier? No. When I don't get enough sleep, I can't get anything done. I can't even win at computer solitaire.
I didn't even do the fun stuff
Because I'm spending so much time NOT doing hard, unpleasant things, I have no time for easy, more pleasant things. For example, I got no exercise this week. None (until today). Nor did I do any writing except a blog post. Which is something! I shouldn't downplay my one little achievement.
If at first you don't succeed...
So, I'm going to try again. And again, and again. It takes a long time before I give up on resolutions entirely. I am a big believer in tweaking.
Here is my plan for the week that begins today (stuff like feeding the cats, cleaning their litter boxes, laundry, and cleaning the kitchen is also assumed):
Sunday: I was planning to take the kids to the Denver Art Museum, but it was closed today, due to the fear of violent pre-inauguration protests. So we got Starbucks (a bribe) and went to Scott Carpenter Park. I planned to fix our usual Sunday "breakfast for dinner" (pancakes this week), but got thrown off course by some minor disasters -- one of my car's tires (that just got rotated 6 weeks ago) has gone flat and Kid A's glasses suddenly broke. I spent a long time on the phone with Rocket Boy discussing how to deal with these problems and then didn't want to cook dinner, so we had bread and butter and cheese. STORY OF MY LIFE. We were also going to write thank-you notes and watch a movie and paint the Sistine Chapel, but none of that got done. It'll be bedtime soon. Oh, and hey, just now I was cuddling with the cat and my glasses (which were on top of my head) fell off and broke. These are my back-up glasses, since I broke my regular glasses last April. Oh yeah, it's been a good day.
Post-Note: Rocket Boy showed me, via Skype, how to glue Kid A's glasses back together, as well as my glasses that I broke last April. Both are holding for now. My back-up glasses remain broken.
Monday: MLK day, a holiday, and it may snow. I'd like to do some baking -- maybe another coffee cake and a batch of cookies? And a pot of soup for dinner, if I can find a recipe that doesn't require a trip to the grocery store. But possibly none of that will get done because I should try to deal with the flat tire problem, not to mention all the broken specs. I'll get Kid A to choose what he wants to cook this week and plan the other days' meals. And if I actually do any cooking, I'll clean the kitchen!!!
Post-Note: I made the cookies, but nothing else. The kids had ramen for dinner and I had ice cream. Most of the day was spent worrying about the tire. Finally I drove to the shop and had it fixed, for free. Kid A chose his meal to cook and I did clean the kitchen.
Tuesday: School at home. Grocery shop. This week's room to clean is the office, aka the desk room, so I will spend at least 15 minutes, hopefully more, cleaning off surfaces in there. I will also lift weights, if I have found my weight-lifting book by then. If I haven't, do some other form of indoor exercise. (Continuing to look for the book does not count.) Dinner will be leftovers, assuming I managed to make soup on Monday.
Post-Note: School took up most of the day. Spent 15 minutes cleaning surfaces in the desk room. That was all I could face. Met with the gutter guy to discuss fixing Aspen's gutter (he'll do it tomorrow). Since I didn't make soup, dinner was grocery-store sushi. A loaf of blueberry bread just came out of the oven. The cookies I made yesterday are almost gone. I cannot find the weight-lifting book! I did a weight-lifting video, but it was kind of stupid. Must go clean the cats' litter boxes and feed them (the cats, not the litter boxes). And clean the kitchen.
Wednesday: School at home. Spend at least 15 minutes cleaning the floor in the desk room, and then spend at least 30 minutes working on the files. Go for a nice walk. Make dinner with Kid A.
Post-Note: Enjoyed watching some of the inauguration -- and of course that took time. The gutter guy came and fixed Aspen's gutter and I paid him. I called a plumber about our shower diverter problem and they're coming on Monday. Did not, however, manage to call an optometrist. Took a 20-minute walk, not an especially nice one. I wish I had a dog to go on walks with me. Did not clean the office or work on the files, so that was bad. Kid A and I made dinner, but I did most of the work. It's OK, baby steps. I wasn't skillful enough with a knife to peel an apple (for applesauce) when I was 12, and I didn't really want him to burn himself while frying bacon. Some of the recipes in this kids' cookbook are not that great for kids.
Thursday: Kids at school. Gather up trash, recycling, and compost from around the house. Spend 15-30 minutes cleaning some other aspect of the desk room. Lift weights (maybe, see above). Give myself an hour to write. [Call about a doctor for me. Note that this will probably derail every other thing on the to-do list, because I will be so anxious about it.] Make dinner (unless there are leftovers from Kid A's cooking).
Post-Note: Wasted a lot of time being anxious, but finally settled down around 11:30 and spent over two hours doing research and planning for a writing project. So that was fun. Spent some time looking at doctors' bios online, but did not make the call. Sigh. Also did not call an eye doctor. I gathered up the bags of compost inside the house and put them out in the bin, then gathered up lots of branches from the last two windstorms and put them in the bin too. No leftovers, so I fixed mahi-mahi burgers for me and Kid A, a Boca burger for Kid B, and frozen onion rings. No weight-lifting and no desk room cleaning, but I did clean the kitchen.
Friday: Kids at school. Put out compost (early) and trash. Pay bills and move money around. Spend 15-30 minutes cleaning the desk room, and 15-30 minutes working on the files. Go for a lovely walk. Give myself an hour to write. Leftovers for dinner (or cook if I didn't cook last night).
Post-Note: A pretty productive day, actually. Did a bunch of chores, paid bills, spent an hour on my writing project. Did not do anything in the desk room (very bad), but managed to make appointments for both kids to have eye exams and get new glasses (tomorrow!) AND after stressing for another hour or so managed to make an appointment for a physical for me, with a new doctor. Major accomplishment there. I also took a brisk walk, but only for 15 minutes -- I just can't breathe in a mask. Dinner was canned soup -- I seldom want to cook on Friday night.Saturday: Go to a park or hike with the kids. Write a letter to the friend I didn't write to last week. Get the twins to write thank-you letters, if that hasn't happened yet. Takeout for dinner. Watch a movie with the twins. Do things on the week's to-do list that didn't get done on all the other days.
Post-Note: The big thing today was eye exams for the twins and picking out new frames. That took up a lot of the morning. We also went on a 20-minute walk to the school park and back -- didn't spend any time playing because it was cold and gloomy and they insist on wearing shorts even though it's January. I also did two loads of laundry (still have to put my clothes away) and got takeout from Noodles. No letters of any sort were written, I didn't do any cleaning or baking, and we did not watch a movie. I still have to finish loading the dishwasher and run it, and I have to re-glue Kid A's old glasses, which he has broken again, since the new ones won't be ready for a week or two. I have a million things to do tomorrow, Sunday, the -- ha ha -- Day of Rest. Oh well.
I promise that not all my 2021 blog posts will be like this one. Eventually I will find a rhythm and not need to do this in such detail. (Or I will give up entirely. No, don't say that!) It's January, the month of new beginnings, and our new President will be inaugurated on Wednesday. Think positive. Stay strong. It will happen.
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