School is no fun at all

This won't be a long post, because I'm really low tonight. The school week was awful. We had one day that wasn't so bad -- Thursday -- but Wednesday and Friday were dreadful. Friday was possibly the worst day of the whole week, because a lot of assignments were due that day -- Kid B had to turn in two different papers, neither of which he understood how to write.  He got angry with me because I was helping Kid A with his math assignment, and when I finished that and said "OK, let's work on those papers," he was too upset to respond. So I'm not sure what he turned in and frankly I don't care. Both Language Arts/Reading teachers are assigning too much work, in my opinion. I think they'll figure that out when they see what kids are turning in. Of course, it's possible that other kids aren't having any trouble with the work.

My kids get so frustrated, especially when they don't understand what to do and when I'm helping their brother instead of them. A lot of fighting goes on. Kid A will just suddenly lash out at Kid B for no reason except that he's overwhelmed. Then I yell, and -- yeah, the stress and frustration level rises further. It's special.

I made the mistake of posting a message about our struggles on our neighborhood listserv -- that I'd had a terrible first week of online school and how did everyone else's week go, etc. A couple of people responded, and then someone decided that we were insulting teachers and started posting about how unfair that was, and someone else chimed in with a diatribe about how while we were all baking organic bread and playing outside during spring break, the teachers were home desperately trying to put together an online learning plan. I know this has been terribly hard for teachers and I don't want to discount that, not at all. But I also don't think I blamed teachers in my post (I've gone back and re-read it several times). I just accidentally hit someone's trigger. So I'm not going to post about that again, probably anywhere except here (my safe little blog that almost no one reads).

A big part of the problem is that Kid A has a lot of support at school, both in his regular classes and in a special class he takes. I have to be that support now, and I'm not sure how to do it. But Kid B seems to need a lot of support too, at least with the type of assignments they're being given now. One math assignment this week involved estimating the number of grains of rice in a half cup. I know, sounds so marvelously creative. The kids don't like rice, so I almost never fix it anymore. But I dug the rice canister out of a high cupboard, found a 1/2 cup, and we measured out the rice. Then we filled a 1/8 teaspoon with rice, counted the grains, and extrapolated. This was all my idea of how to solve the problem -- the teacher didn't offer any suggestions, at least not that the boys and I could find. Bottom line: the boys were lost, or would have been if I hadn't guided them through the whole project. I can't imagine what they'd be doing if I were working (at home or otherwise). Probably nothing.

Well, it's the weekend, so I'm trying to let go of my stress about school. Instead, I am stressing about masks! They're now recommending that people wear cloth masks when they're out and about. I'm not going to worry about it when I'm taking a walk, but at the grocery store I probably should. OK, so it's time to make a mask -- something that should be easy for me, with my sewing machine and my storage tub filled with fabric and my adequate sewing skills. But I just can't get myself to do it. I found a reasonable-looking set of instructions online, printed them out, and managed to cut out some fabric. But I can't seem to go on, even though there is nothing difficult about this pattern. I'm going to give it another try tomorrow.

We had takeout tonight (sandwiches from Snarf's, expensive but at least I didn't have to cook). Also, I managed to get caught up on dishes. Tomorrow morning I'll try again to make at least one mask, maybe do a load of laundry, maybe go to the store. I'll see. When depression is kicking my butt, it's hard to do anything at all. I need to try to find the strength to keep going.