Spring Not-Break

So, it's Spring Break! Only it's not! Because I have to work four out of five days (we do get Friday off, thank you University). In addition, I'm trying to sew 50 drawstring bags for our upcoming school fundraiser because I volunteered to do that, because I am insane. Also, Rocket Boy is trying to get ready to move to St. Louis in six weeks, which in his mind means sorting through boxes of junk and cleaning up the back patio.

But other than that, it's Spring Break. The kids are off school, which is nice because it means we don't have to get them up early and shove them out the door. However, they are naturally early risers (every day except school days, that is), so they wake up before we do, and even if they try to be quiet, the sound of the toilet flushing, a lot of whispering, and four feet loudly thumping down the hallway tend to disturb our sleep. Also, they make the cats think it's time to get up, which causes more noise and more thumps, as the cats jump on the bed (one at a time -- they don't like to be on the bed together) and come sit next to our faces and purr loudly. So then I get up, because what the heck, and anyway I have to get ready to go to work. And eventually Rocket Boy gets up too. So it's not like a normal Spring Break where you really get to sleep in.

In the past, I often signed the kids up for a camp or two during Spring Break, but this year we simply can't afford it. Before Rocket Boy can start receiving paychecks, we have to get him moved, and that's going to cost a lot of money, particularly renting him some sort of place to live. So for now we must continue to be frugal, even more frugal than usual. (I'm ignoring the shorts and pajamas I just ordered for the boys -- they have to have clothes, right?) In lieu of camps, we are making them do some schoolwork each weekday in order to earn some computer time. Yesterday they each wrote a book review and today they practiced their musical instruments. Tomorrow we'll read -- no, I must not think of myself at their age, reading obsessively every chance I got. They are not me, they do not like to read. So tomorrow we will read and then they will have computer time.

Yesterday and today I worked at home, but the next two days I need to go in to the office for meetings. Other than work, I've mostly been sewing little cloth bags. This photo shows what they look like. Cute, no? Counting this one, I've made 16 so far.

Sixteen is a long way from 50.

But I've already cut out six more, so by Thursday night we should be up to 22 (I try to do three per day), and then by Saturday night maybe 28, and that's how you eventually get to 50. It's a lot of work, though. The bags are pretty easy, but my sewing machine is, I think, 43 years old (I've had it about 35 years?) and it's a little cranky. And then there's me, 58 years old and even more cranky. Together we're quite a team. The cat considers itself part of the team too (see photo above). I'm trying really hard not to get cat hair on everything.

Not much else to report -- we don't have any great plans for the Spring Break week, on account of me having to work. Maybe Friday. My reading pace has slowed down, but as we near the end of the month my total for the year is 36 books, with probably one or two more to go by the 31st. My "classic" book this month was from category #2, "20th Century Classic," A Passage to India by E. M. Forster, which I've had on my to-read list for decades. I found it very interesting, though it took me a long time to read. I have the movie out of the library and hope we can watch it this week. Next month I am moving on to category #4, "Classic in Translation," but I don't know what it will be yet. Probably something off my bookshelves that I've never managed to read. I also need to start reading the biography of Franklin Pierce that I just checked out of the CU library.

My main activity will continue to be sewing little cloth bags, as we continue to prepare for the giant school fundraising dinner on April 26th (and Rocket Boy's departure soon after). April is sounding like a barrel of laughs -- the cruelest month, right. But first we have five more days of March, which I'm going to try to enjoy.

Changes ahead

Readers of my previous, now-defunct blog know that Rocket Boy has been unemployed for some time. A little over three years, in fact, and before that it was a little over two years (in between, he was employed for six months). Which means that during the last six years he has worked for six months. Pretty sad. And yes, he's been pretty sad about it.

Late last July he received a job offer. Hooray! Except for two things: the job was in Missouri, and it was dependent on him getting a clearance (it's a government job). Interestingly, this particular agency has tried to hire him twice before, and both times he turned them down, once to take the Ridgecrest job and once to stay in Boulder and try to find work here. It seemed like it was time to take them up on their (latest) offer. So he said yes, and the clearance process proceeded, and in December he heard that he had "passed." And then we waited. Finally, a few days ago, he got the email: please show up for duty on either April 1st, April 29th, or May 13th. Ack!!!

So here it is, what I've been anticipating and dreading for almost eight months. Rocket Boy is going to move to St. Louis and the twins and I are going to stay here. We might consider moving later on, but for now we won't. Rocket Boy hardly even knows what he's going to do in this job, it's so secret. He's met only one future co-worker. He has no idea whether he will like this job or hate it. Plus, moving a family of four and all their stuff is friggin' expensive. Until his situation there is a LOT more stable, I'm not even going to consider moving. I told him we'll revisit this NEXT summer, which means we'll be separated for a year, minimum. It could be much longer. It's a lot to take in.

My main reaction to this news is rapidly shifting extreme emotions. Sort of a quintipolar thing -- I've identified five emotions that I shift among.

• #1 is sadness: our family will be split apart, my marriage is over, we'll forget how to be together, RB will miss so much in the twins' lives, etc. 
• #2 is anger: all these years I've struggled to keep the family together, worked stupid jobs, and now he's just going to fly away and leave me with all the childcare and housework and responsibilities. 
• #3 is depression/fear: I can't do this, I can't cope, I'm going to fall apart, my body (especially my back) will fall apart, I'll screw everything up. 
• #4 is calm: I can handle this, I'm strong, I can make this work, I may even enjoy the independence. 
• #5 is happiness: RB has a job! and we'll get out of our financial hole! And life will be interesting again. And oh how I love everyone, including my husband. 

Several times a day I switch from one of these to another. It's very tiring. For instance, this morning I woke up with #3 (pretty standard for me first thing in the morning), which later became #2, then when RB and Kid B left to go to Denver for Kid B's belated "birthday party" I merged into #4, followed by #5 when Kid A and I were out doing errands, and then back to #4, which is my preferred feeling. By bedtime I'm highly likely to be back to #3 or #1. Perhaps medication could help control all these emotions, but in general I think I need to feel them, need to understand my reactions to what's happening.

While Rocket Boy and Kid B were gone, I mostly did housework. Laundry, cleaning the living room, sorting through mail, grocery shopping, dishes. Kid A had to stay home with me (because Kid B didn't go to his "birthday party" last week), and this made him extremely unhappy. But gradually he cheered up -- I let him watch some TV, and he helped me put away laundry, and later we had a treat at Starbucks and went to the grocery store where he pushed the cart. We also chatted a lot. Normally when I ask him questions about school, he says, "Not telling!" but today he told me about a bunch of things. I kept thinking about how hard it will be to have this sort of time with each boy after RB leaves -- who will take away one twin while I spend time with the other?

We've been letting the kitchen slide again, and that makes me unhappy. Above is what the kitchen looked like earlier today. And this is what it looked like after I worked on it. Not immaculate, but a lot better.

While I did housework today I kept thinking about how many times a day I do things that hurt my back. Cleaning the cat's litter box, putting the cats' food and water down, pulling clothes out of the dryer, loading/unloading the dishwasher, putting dishes away on low shelves, putting clothes away in lower drawers, carrying in sacks of groceries, carrying the laundry basket from bedroom to garage, picking things up off the floor... All of it is worse because I can't bend my right knee very far -- haven't been able to since 2005, when I had knee surgery. So I don't bend my knees to do these things, I bend my back. My poor, aching back.

I think the hardest thing -- well, one of the hardest things -- that I'll have to do when Rocket Boy moves to Missouri is take care of myself. Today I had a to-do list with 15 things on it. I did all or part of 10 of them. Among the things that didn't get done? Take a walk, and Do back exercises. The one thing I did for myself is write this blog post, and as I'm finishing it up, Rocket Boy is yelling at me to come read to the boys so we can put them to bed. How do single moms survive? I guess I'm going to find out.

Happy 11th

Eleven years old! My big boys. Eleven seems like such a big age for them and such a small age compared to my 58. At the library on Saturday (their actual birthday) they wanted to play on the computers in the children's section but two other boys were already on them. When the other boys "accepted more time" which you aren't allowed to do if someone else is waiting, my boys bravely spoke to the librarian, who told the other boys it was time to get off. Their mother complained, saying that Kid A and Kid B should go to the Teen Section instead. The librarian had to explain that 11 is not a teen age. But oh boy, the teen years are coming, as is puberty. They're officially "tweens" right now. And yet, in so many ways they still seem like my babies.

This has been an interesting birthday. I tried to plan ahead, did my present shopping last Monday, and Rocket Boy and I wrapped/bagged everything on Tuesday. The aunts' cards and gifts all arrived ahead of time and a present from a cousin arrived right on their birthday. The boys were happy with their gifts and so far I've only had to exchange one shirt. I was pretty frugal about gifts, no $150 Lego sets, but it was enough. One "gift" that was intended as a joke (a folding hamper for their room) turned out to be a big hit, as they took turns climbing in and out of it (see last photo). With their "help," I managed to make a lemon cake from a mix and it turned out OK -- not fabulous, but edible.  We ate out both Friday and Saturday nights, the kids' choice (Kid A chose Chili's for Friday and Kid B chose an old-fashioned chicken restaurant called the Wishbone for Saturday).

So what went wrong? Well, several things. First, the parties. Kid A decided weeks ago that he wanted to have a small party at "Get Air," a trampoline place. He wanted to invite a friend of his from his special school, so about 10 days ago I emailed the mom. Oh, too bad, Nate will be out of town that weekend. OK, so let's invite a friend from regular school instead. Rocket Boy texted the mom. Oh, too bad, Andre will be with his dad that weekend. We asked Kid A if he wanted to postpone his party by a week, but he said no, I want to have it on my birthday! Well, do you want to go by yourself, or with Kid B? No! With friends! Hmm.

We set aside that problem and moved on to Kid B, who knew who he wanted to invite but not where to go. Finally, a few days before his birthday, he decided on the Children's Museum in Denver. So Wednesday night, Rocket Boy emailed the moms of the three kids Kid B wanted to invite. The first one said Saturday's not good, the second one said Saturday's not good, and the third one didn't respond. We told Kid B to talk to his friends at lunch on Thursday, but two of them weren't there. So RB emailed the parents again on Thursday night and said what about Sunday. This time, no one responded, and all three kids were absent from school on Friday. Sigh.

Meanwhile, my back decided to go out. I was stressed out about everything, primarily my job and the nonexistent parties. I was also worried about bringing treats to school on Friday, even though this would be the 6th time we've done it and for several years now we've brought the same thing (cut-up melon, mixed berries, and whipped cream). It's just that the timing is tricky -- have to do a lot of prep between when the kids leave for school and when we show up with the treats. Anyway, probably due to all this stress, when I tried to put my right leg into my pants leg on Friday morning, my lower right back went Gnrrrrack! and I was convulsed with excruciating pain. I screamed for Rocket Boy, who somehow managed to get me to bed, where I swallowed a handful of pain pills and moaned while RB got the kids off to school. (The photo shows me in bed with one of the cats trying to convince me to get up and feed him. Sorry, Pie Bear.) So I missed treats at school, a day of work, and various other random stuff, including all the planned weekend cleaning. I did manage to go out to dinner both nights, and I made the cake and even went to the library on Saturday (RB drove and carried the books). But I'm a basket case. The various pills I've taken have done a number on my intestines, so now I'm nauseated, my guts are cramping, and I still have a very sore right lower back. And of course we had to have the stupid TIME CHANGE last night, meaning we'll all have to get up an hour early tomorrow, and I have a very busy week ahead, with evening activities on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. Oh, and Wednesday we're supposed to get more snow. La la la.

Last night Rocket Boy finally managed to set up a "birthday party" for Kid A at Get Air with a third friend who was available, so that's where the two of them are now. Kid B stayed home with me and messed around with his new birthday ukulele. He's watching TV now and I'm thinking of going back to bed, where I would like to spend the next month.

We still have to figure out how to acquire some guests for Kid B's belated party next weekend. He's thought of three other people to invite but I don't know any of their moms' phone numbers or email addresses. But we're mostly done with the twins' birthday. I think the kids are reasonably happy with how it went -- and the hardest part of my year is over.

The lion of March

The snow we're dealing with today is beyond the nuisance stage, so I decided to stop titling blog posts that way. March has come in like a lion and we can only hope that it will go out like a lamb (but I am not going to get my hopes up). It's probably a good thing that Easter is quite late this year, though the kids are now too old for the neighborhood "hunt." Nothing like hunting for plastic eggs under snowdrifts.

This photo shows the backyard, before the bulk of the snow fell. We had 5 inches as of early morning, but then it started up again around noon-ish, and we've had a couple more since then. Not a HUGE snow, but bigger than the nuisance snows of February. Big enough that shoveling actually required some muscle. I was the one who provided the muscle. I like to shovel snow on the weekend when I'm not busy doing a million other things.

I did not have much of anything on the agenda for the weekend -- that is, I wanted to sit in the living room reading and watching the snow fall, but nobody else wanted to do that, so it didn't happen. What did happen, most unusually, was a bit of cleaning. Despite the fact that none of my plans for keeping the house clean ever last long, hope springs eternal and I have recently come up with a new plan which I am attempting to put into place. This is the basic plan:

• Do the dishes every day; do not allow them to pile up for days. If Rocket Boy doesn't do them, instead of nagging, do them myself.
• Clean Pie's litter box in the garage every Friday before trash pick-up; clean Chester's litter box in the office whenever he poops in it.
• Do the laundry all the time constantly, just like always
• Every Saturday clean either the kitchen (other than dishes), the bathroom, or the living room & hall.
• Every Sunday clean either the office, the kids' room, or Mom & Dad's room.

I started my new plan last weekend. On Saturday I studied the living room and hallway but did not do anything about them. It seemed too daunting. But on Sunday, while Rocket Boy took the kids on an outing, I cleaned a section of the office. The pictures above left and to the right show before and after. I know it still looks bad, but this was several hours of hard work. Seriously, it was. The goal is to get those piles small enough that I can open the file cabinet drawer and then put the piles IN the file cabinet. It will take a few more sessions before we are there, but this was a good start.


The cleaning this weekend was supposed to be bathroom on Saturday, kids' room on Sunday. But on Saturday -- which was a very cold, very snowy, very boring day -- Kid A decided he wanted to clean off the desk in his room so that he would have a place to build Legos. So he actually did -- I had to help sort his junk pile into recycling/compost/trash and find places for a few things, but he did a pretty good job himself, including sorting out what he did/didn't want to keep, putting Legos away, etc. In the background you can see their dresser, the top of which I was planning to clean today. But it's OK. A surface got cleaned, even if it was the wrong one on the wrong day. I am happy.

So that meant that today I cleaned the bathroom. Cleaning the bathroom is a very hard job because the room itself is so tiny and I am so large. I had to scrunch my bulk down onto the floor and reach hopelessly behind the toilet to try to get that area of the floor clean. It was not fun, though it probably looked funny (no one was home to see, or worse, photograph me). Nor was any other aspect of the job any fun. But the bathroom looks a lot better now. I use a book I've had for years called Speed Cleaning and follow all the instructions exactly, because I have no idea how to clean things and cannot remember how from one time to the next.

Best of all, I have done my required cleaning for the week and do not need to do anything else (except dishes, litter boxes, laundry) until next Saturday, when I am scheduled to clean the kitchen. That is also the boos' birthday, so I don't know exactly what will get done, but I will try to do something.

Now it's almost 6 pm and I would really like to sit in the living room and read a book while the snow continues to fall, but I think there isn't time. Kid B and Rocket Boy will be home from Denver soon, and then we'll have to put dinner together (leftovers, mostly). Anyway, Kid A has already commandeered the living room for the purpose of watching television. Sigh. He spent 5+ hours at a friend's house today, playing, and I'm sure they didn't play with screens, so it's OK. I just wish I could have the living room to myself once in a while. But if I had done that while everyone was gone, I wouldn't have a clean bathroom now.