Being a single mom

Well, Memorial Day week is over and I got a good dose of what it's like to be a single parent -- especially one who's trying to work for a living at the same time. Maybe it would actually be easier if I had a regular job where I had to go in to the office and all that. I don't know what I'd do with the twins in that case, possibly leave them at home to burn the house down.

Instead, though, I work as a research assistant, and my hours are pretty flexible. I can work at home, unless there's a meeting to attend, and as long as I get the work done, no one's going to be too fussy about when I get it done.

This week was not a week in which I got a lot of work done, however. I won't say I got nothing done, because I did a little bit. But I was supposed to work for 16 hours somewhere in there and I didn't come anywhere close. Part of the problem was that I'm not sleeping well. Part of the problem was all the housework that's building up. Part of the problem was that my two main co-workers were both out of town, one on vacation and the other at a conference, so there were no meetings to attend. I did take the twins to the office with me on Wednesday and Thursday, but I wasn't very productive with them there. And I wasn't productive at ALL on Tuesday and Friday, when I tried to work at home.

On Thursday, trying to work in the office while the twins played on their laptops behind me, I really was on the verge of quitting my job. Oh screw this, I can't do this, I'm no good at this, I can't work on top of everything else I have to deal with right now. And then, while continuing to berate myself, I clicked on the website where many of the products of our work are displayed for public use. I was trying to find some examples of a type of document I was supposed to be writing, but I also noticed three documents that I myself had been very active in producing this past year. Here's one, and here's another. They're not brilliant, but without me they would have been lesser things -- or not have existed at all. (They don't have my name on them -- this stuff is mostly anonymous.) I've produced a number of other things this past year as well, some that haven't gone through the final editing stage yet, others published in other venues.

Hey, you're not worthless, I told myself, and with this evidence to back me up I was almost convinced I shouldn't quit. I still had trouble getting any work done, though. Maybe this coming week -- the kids have a half-day camp.

On Wednesday after work, the twins and I went home for lunch and then back to CU to go bowling. This was not a good choice of activity for someone with a broken toe, and I was in pain the whole time. But we had fun. I won the first game and Kid A won the second (we're both very competitive), but Kid B did much better than he ever used to. I would say bowling has become a fun activity for us, one we'll definitely do again soon (maybe when the toe is better). It's not expensive at CU, and I get an employee discount.

On Thursday after work, we went to Starbucks for lunch/snacks. I had my usual chai latte, but I let the twins order sandwiches and treats and drinks. On Friday night, we went out for ice cream at Sweet Cow, and on Saturday, we ate out for dinner at Panera Bread. Today, Sunday, Kid B is having a playdate (is it still called that when you're going to middle school in two months?) with some friends of his from school -- they're hanging out at one kid's house and then going to a movie. Kid A played with Z from next door for a while and then (with my permission) walked to our local branch library to play on the computers. I don't like the extra computer time, but at least he gets a good walk to and fro.

I'm trying to assign an area of the house to clean each week (this is a slight modification of a cleaning program I set up a few months ago) and this past week the "area" was the front yard. It was rainy the first few days, but when it dried up a bit I started pruning. I cut off two leaf bags full of juniper bushes and then started on the volunteer Siberian elm. And then Kid A saw what I was doing and wanted to help. He took over the saw and began sawing off gigantic limbs. Now this tree desperately needs to be removed by a professional. It's considered a "junk tree" in this area (maybe everywhere except Siberia, I don't know), but more importantly, it's growing in a very inappropriate place, right next to the sidewalk, and I'm sure it's interfering with sewer lines and whatnot. It needs to come out, and that's on my list of things to pay for once we get a few paychecks into the bank. But in the meantime I thought I could remove sections of it.

Between us, Kid A and I removed so much of the tree that the driveway was covered with branches. Which I then had to put into leaf bags (the smaller branches) or cut down to size and bundle with other branches for compost pick-up on Friday (which actually turned out to be Saturday, due to the Memorial Day holiday earlier in the week). I worked and worked on this project on both Thursday and Friday, but finally gave up. We put out our big compost bin and five leaf bags, and the rest will have to wait two weeks. It's a big job, and oh boy I missed Rocket Boy while I was working on it. Of course, if he were here he wouldn't have done the pruning (he hates pruning, thinks it's akin to killing) and then he would have criticized me for doing it wrong. I do think, though, if I had managed to do it, he would have helped saw the branches down to size and helped bag and tie everything up for the compost pick-up. Almost everything's harder with him gone.